So a good friend of mine runs off to Manhattan to be the live-in arm candy of some monkey working at some rotten pop-rock label based out of Brooklyn. Back in the Mid-West I’m sitting behind my computer listening to her brag about “insider” boy-band gossip and all the social circles she’s now running with. Last Night’s Party branded photos with Myspace celebrities, MTVu award shows, the works.
I am 18, naive, and I am extremely jealous. What I am going to do about it? Fucking join them! Naturally? I’m going to do all of the necessary research and form a plan, delve real deep into this world of wonders. Originality is essential and I’m totally over Winter so I’m moving to LA. I lie to my parents and tell them I’m all serious about 4 years at USC studying Journalism. Little do they know I’m actually all about an internship at some Asian dude that looks like a chick’s record label. A good 80% of the music sucks, I can’t dance, but none of that matters. I’m already interning for my local news AM radio station. Media conglomerate owned piece of shit. They’ve got me making coffee for a bunch of grey-haired men running the joint and taking down story leads. “Rich asshole to fund Children’s Hospital”… “Local high school teens busted underage drinking on prom party buses”. “Intern” I learn in LA means underage party-girl and I would definitely much rather get into that. I confidently shoot an email to Sarah Morrison. Out of all these personalities to choose from she seems likely to take a break from photo opportunities and help an aspiring ______ (I have still yet to decide what I planned on being/you can fill in the blank) out.
Dear Sarah,
I want to be e-famous and party and have fun for a living too! I’ve already got some serious defecation smeared all over my resume I know you aren’t going to read.
Help a sister out.
That isn’t actually what the original e-mail said, and somewhere in there I’m sure there was some sort of flowery flattery. But you get the idea. Anyways, I’m right in my suspicions and she does. Hooks it up with all the proper contact info and explains what I need to do… Los Angeles here I come!
- Ambrea
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This story better go to a place where you’re blowing 6 guys for a night’s worth of coke.
07.03.09 at 9:31 am
“some Asian dude that looks like a chick’s record label”
Dim Mak?
07.03.09 at 10:21 am
Sarah Morrison dishes the goods, she’s a sad smokey beached pothead. Gotta love her.
07.03.09 at 11:37 am
Sounds like an episode of The Hills. I’ll be sure to tune into MTV for part 2.
07.03.09 at 11:54 am
Bitch haven’t you learned anything from me? Oh well. She is published long before I was.
07.03.09 at 1:13 pm
your going to have fun, but at the expense of cycling through friends every 2 weeks. my suggestion is forget all the fucking fancy streetwear and designer shit and just start rocking the ugliest most beat up clothes ever. if you have a pretty face you’ll have a Hollywood boy toy feeding you mad drugs quick. remember in LA its all about the house parties, just remember the longer and harder it is to get somewhere the better the party and the sleazier the dudes are. just to let you know, you will definitely hate it here. have fun finding a job in a state where illegal immigrants are moving back home!
07.03.09 at 1:29 pm
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin’ making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said ‘You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air’
07.03.09 at 2:08 pm
ooof…. your writing is terrible. im already bored.
hurry up and get to the part where the hockey team fucks you.
07.03.09 at 2:48 pm
Eughh you girls peddling this story are a dime a fucking dozen. I personally know 3 others with almost the exact same circumstances, one of them even worked for Dim Mak. You are still just as boring and typically white middle class now as you were before you left the suburbs. You just got coked up and fucked mad times, is all.
07.03.09 at 4:22 pm
What kind of wise guy knuckleheads run the JOINT again? GREY haired?? THIS joint!?! It’s ring-a-ding-ding for your shitty article I already moved to LA to do some bullshit and you don’t see me jerking off on this site besides right now.
07.03.09 at 6:50 pm