All good things come to an end eventually: Greek yogurt, the economy, Jade goody. Especially Greek yogurt: that shit goes off quicker than Kim Jong-Il inside his Sunday roast of pleasure brigade.
“The greatest decade in the history of mankind is coming to an end and, as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black” Withnail and I, where the quote is taken from, is set in the last year of a period I like to call “the sixties.” It had all the basic ingredients you need for a really good decade: sex, war, Lou Reed, assignations. Better than one of the rubbish decades like the 1740s; you have to think of these guys in terms of Hollywood potential.
So we’re in the final days of the noughties. Has it been good? Yeah, its been alright. I admit there’s been a bit too much Simon Cowell. In 10 years we’ll look back and be disgusted by today’s handbags and hair. And children’s TV. But in 20 years it will all seem so… cool. Ironic Cool, the best grade of cool. The problem with decades is that they eventually just get condensed down to Wikipedia articles and Saturday night television on channel middle-age (“70s Night”).
So the question on my mind is: What’s next?
Somewhere in the world, somewhere unknown there are the big stars of the future. They may be around you, maybe you’re one of them, maybe that guy you glared at today is working on a revolutionary line of penguin skinned boots–these creatures unknowingly create the cool of tomorrow. You’d better watch out.
It’s usually in the last year of a decade you get a preview of what’s to come in the next 10 years–all the big names of the ’90s started in the late ’80s: Stones, Roses, Nirvana, Blur and more.
If this is true with the next ten years WE ARE fucked: Lady Gaga, Somali pirates, Zac Effron, Susan Boyle. That’s not a scene, that’s fucking Guantanamo.
If you’re betting money on it, here’s a tip: We’re all going to be fucked right up the arse by China, Iran and other assorted friends, even the countries that don’t matter, like Madagascar. They’re all in on the act. And when they’re in power, those guys are going to shed their pop stars on us. You can forget nuclear warfare–the battles of the next decade are taking place on MySpace.
The food, the wine, the chatter–ummm, we should do this decade thing again some time. Definitely. Here’s my card, give me a ring.
-Black Chas
Follow me http://twitter.com/Twaggot and/or http://blackcharlie.tumblr.com/
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i feel like i’m being strangled with pop culture references
04.26.09 at 12:02 pm
Do we have to wait another decade for hip hop and gangster worship to fuck off?
04.26.09 at 12:24 pm
Are you kidding me? Am I supposed to take something as poorly formatted as this seriously?
04.26.09 at 1:21 pm
assignations?
04.26.09 at 1:30 pm
bravo! (not the channel)
04.26.09 at 2:18 pm
P.S. I always hated that Time Out cover. It’s like the yuppies thought they could pull some shit on us. I think we should’ve gone round Time Out with a baseball bat, and Gavin leading the mob!!
04.26.09 at 2:19 pm
So what you’re saying is that shit sucks.
04.26.09 at 2:31 pm
seriously ftw
04.26.09 at 3:06 pm
Write down what you think the world will be like in 10 years. Put it in a time capsule. Kill yourself.
In ten years we’ll open it up and laugh at how shortsighted and foolish you were.
PS make sure to tell us where you put the time capsule otherwise- actually never mind.
04.26.09 at 3:08 pm
I think i maybe in the future now.
Now.
And now.
This decade blows – all decades blow.
And now.
04.26.09 at 4:23 pm
here’s what is “out”: know-it-all fatalism…very naive.
04.26.09 at 6:20 pm
Bravo! (yes the channel)
04.26.09 at 6:27 pm
JNCO jeans are coming back, airwalks and vans and nine inch nails. luscious jackson and the Atari Teenage Riot
04.26.09 at 6:53 pm
“What’s next?”
Why are we so desperate to find something new to latch onto?
I’d say it’s a mixture of unfortified character, lack of self esteem and boredom.
I’m not trying to insult the author at all. I think it’s a problem for humanity at large.
04.26.09 at 6:53 pm
Didn’t Adbusters officially kill the hipster like, last year? it took you guys that long to realize the party was over?
04.26.09 at 7:56 pm
Anyone who calls the current decade the “noughties” should be gutted like a pig….and btw, I’m sure we’ll all look back on the last 10 years 20 years from now and reflect fondly on: v-neck t-shirts down to the navel, anything considered “nu-rave”/”electroclash”/”grime”/you get the point, adderall/Sparxs/pbr/you get the idea. What a fuckstick!
p.s. Definition of irony: The literal meaning is exactly the opposite of the actual meaning. Please stop misusing this term (even ironically)
04.26.09 at 8:06 pm
I just want to say to the writer: I did not read this. It’s a lame, unimportant topic. I’m just here for pictures of girls i want to put my dick in and funny videos. In conclusion, whoever wrote this: fuck you, unless you are a hot babe. I didn’t bother to check your name.
04.26.09 at 8:46 pm
Dear bad writer who wrote this article,
Nirvana and the 90’s have been back already.
On a side note, is a ‘hipster’ just anyone in any ’subculture’ that dresses well? I mean, are modern day Mods or skin heads considered hipsters or are they just referring to nu-ravers(aoki heads), rockers who wear skinny jeans and leather jackets, etc…? I understand the Kanye West Hypebeasting Nu-Raver people, but not the skinny jeans and leather jackets. That’s been in style for decades. I knew punks who dressed like that back in the early 90’s. Only difference was that they had patches on their jackets. Please enlighten me, because there is no solid definition and I get confused.
04.26.09 at 10:17 pm
There. I cleaned up the formatting and grammar.
04.27.09 at 12:27 am
looking at it again, is that fucking clown on the cover is supposed to represent people vaguely like me? he looks like a christian ska fan who has a really fat girlfriend.
04.27.09 at 3:47 am
That slumdog millionaire soundtrack was wayyyy better than any bullshit from the states in the last 4 million years. So good I hope they come in and make our bullshit culture interesting.
04.27.09 at 5:26 am
The Stones started in the late 80s? No, they’re IN their late 80s.
04.27.09 at 6:24 am
Stone Roses maybe?
04.27.09 at 7:52 am
some paint just dried and i missed it. well i’m off to the assignation museum with Jade goody,.
04.27.09 at 10:57 am
hipsters won’t die. We’re only living out a French New Wave film. it’ll never end! Have you seen the kids today?
04.27.09 at 1:12 pm
The kids havnt got a fucking clue.
But then again they never fucking had.
04.27.09 at 4:03 pm
What the fuck is this article even about.. its just aload of rambling shit???
04.28.09 at 11:27 am
What THE FUCK is this gay on? OMG shitness.
Someone get a camera, I think I’m going to be sick. This post smells like Aids.
Btw it was Stone Roses, assassinations and umm yh – shit does suck. Thanks for the feedback.
04.29.09 at 11:54 am