In my life, I have never witnessed an accurate portrayal of a character in a movie throwing up. I say that confidently because it is something I look for often. Was their mouth full before they threw up? Were they facing away from the camera? My perfect film would be George Clooney ralphing into a bucket at a 45º angle, filling it with anything more than his mouth could hold — and in one shot.
Take Lance the Ipecac Guy for example:
What I don’t get is why our pussies of actors can’t take the normal dosage and then blow chunks on film and get paid half a million dollars, unlike little Billy and Suzy who have to force up their lunch when they accidentally swallow a penny. What you always see is a quick dash for a toilet or the floor followed by a one-time-only spewing of 5 oz of Campbell’s Clam Chowder from the actor’s mouth. I didn’t pay $10.50 to see that. I want the real stuff. The other alternative is an Old Faithful of bile spewing 5 feet outward as the actor stands perfectly still and at a perfect profile pose while Guillermo, the FX guy, pumps corn chowder through a compressed hose. 3D glasses aren’t necessary to see the difference in depths between the stream and the other side of their cheek.
I know, in their defense they could say it’s unhealthy, especially if they have to do more than one take but all it should cost is one take. How many hospitals did Chris Nolan have to blow up in The Dark Knight? … Exactly. They wouldn’t even need to act, just sit there and let their stomach act for them. Now, if the scene doesn’t call for a visual then so be it. But if it does, it shouldn’t be a shitty one.
I suppose a plus side for the actor is that they could give their personal trainer the day off.
-MIKE ONCLEY
HeyElefante.com
Send “Open Mics” to SBTVC@StreetCarnage.com
Leave a Reply
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4815 access attempts in the last 7 days.
This is why I far more enjoy watching old movies on Turner Classics than newer stuff. Those works developed characters and stories instead of figuring out more realistic ways to make someone look like they are blowing luncch.
02.05.10 at 10:17 am
They lost their balls around the same exact time the average American male did. Why do you think when ever a classic Steve Mcqueen tough guy is needed for a role it’s an Australian or an English guy faking an American accent nowadays? American men are pussies in general today.
02.05.10 at 10:33 am
What about Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart? He might get an Oscar and puke all over that stage.
02.05.10 at 10:35 am
ppl that say stuff like “American men are pussies in general today” are the biggest pussies.
02.05.10 at 10:35 am
You’re an idiot.
There is plenty of real, actual barfing in film.
Example: Super Troopers … actual barfing, from actual drinking.
02.05.10 at 10:53 am
The reason you never see any real puking on camera is that you’d get one take, and if it didn’t work, you’re screwed. Try puking 20 times in a row while a director dicks around with stuff like lights and worries about airplane noises in the background.
And then other times a perfectly good puke is missed. Take the 80’s Nicholas Cage freakout, “Vampire’s Kiss”; In the film Nic Cage eats a real live cockroach, and immediately whirls around to projectile vomit. How much more awesome would this already amazing scene be if the director hadn’t cut before the vomiting?
02.05.10 at 11:11 am
That “too early in the moring for Kung Fu” scene in Chopper has real puking in it. The guy sat there working himself up until he splurted it all out.
02.05.10 at 11:31 am
I’ve puked for real in a stage play
02.05.10 at 3:39 pm
The puke scene in Henry Fool was amazing. It doesn’t have to realistic, just funny. Watching a poor garbage man geek puke on some teen bitch’s nekkid ass in a bodega is pure gold. Total fucking whiner this guy.
02.05.10 at 6:14 pm
[...] more from the original source: STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » OPEN MIC: WHEN DID ACTORS LOSE … Share and [...]
02.05.10 at 11:19 pm
yes super troopers! but where are those fellas oscars? it seems like the more you’re paid, the more you bitch out
02.06.10 at 9:27 pm
rent chopper, watch the dvd extras about the dude actually working himself to the point that he really threw up, while watching mark getting stabbed 8 or 9 times in the stomach.
02.07.10 at 10:57 am