Despite having the only E addicts I’ve ever met in my life, it took until now for the UK medical community to discover a legal drug that makes you want to embrace both Peace and Love with some very large doses of Unity and Respect. It’s called Oxytocin which sounds a lot like one of the greatest drugs in the world, Oxycontin (legal heroin) and it makes you want to hug everyone.

We saw what E did to the working class over there. It ended their hooligan violence and turned them into prancing Oasis “vibers” with sandals on and pajama pants. Now that the middle class has invented their own version, we are going to see a whole new generation of blissed-out french kissers lying in the mud at Glastonbury. Can’t wait.

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This entry was posted on 06.25.08 at 2:16 pm by Christi Bradnox. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. You can E-mail it to a friend.
15 Comments
  1. surgeon general's warning: Says:

    i knew a girl who was on this

    this stuff really works- TOO WELL, actually

    it turns women into vampires, the female kind as depicted in francis ford coppola’s dracula- ya see them female vampires writhing on the bed with keanu, it’s just that bad believe me!

    it turns women into nymphomaniacs, which isn’t a bad thing if you’re a pimp managing a stable of whores but it’ll be an absolute disaster if you think oxytocin will improve your wife’s libido; she’ll move in with the whores as a result just sayin’


  2. sorry guys, Says:

    but this stuff has been around for ages. In Ontario thy’re known as “oxies”, and are for fat chicks, experimental 13-year-olds, and homeless people


  3. surgeon general's warning: Says:

    that’s oxycontin percocets and percodans, not oxytocin

    learn to read, you’re giving all ontarians a bad name


  4. sorry guys Says:

    yup, my bad. I can not read


  5. homies Says:

    no one discovered this recently. it’s naturally produced within the human body and we’ve known about it for over 50 years :

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_du_Vigneaud


  6. sleeping giant Says:

    i met a woman in thunder bay ontario who kept a bottle of oxytocin in her boudoir
    she was mad wild about me just sayin
    yeah thunder bay and this was five years ago
    some discovery


  7. bidet Says:

    Maybe people are shy for a reason. Maybe anxiety’s a good thing, its there for a reason, its the world we live in.

    If they gave this shit to Ian Curtis we never would have got Joy Division, just some boring happy fuck sitting on his couch.

    Fuuuuuuuck drugs (especially ‘fuck drugs’) Im sick of this shit its for losers.

    “Restaurants, for instance, could spray a thin mist over customers to put them at ease.” – Fuck you.

    “It could be used as a benign form of tear gas, quelling any violent feelings among groups of demonstrators” – FFFFFFFFFFFFFuck you

    “Researchers gave doses of oxytocin and a placebo to participants, who were then asked to decide how to split a sum of cash with a stranger. Those given oxytocin offered 80 per cent more money than those given a placebo.” – Fuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuu

    “They say oxytocin could have potential as a date-rape drug as it is involved in both trust and sexual arousal. – Fuck me.


  8. puTO! Says:

    I OVERCOME SHYNESS WITH BOOZE!


  9. bob barley Says:

    booze is rawsome


  10. hmm Says:

    is this not basically the same thing as the “soma” from Brave New World?


  11. tommy gun Says:

    she’s right about E ruining the football firms – hardmen trading in shermans and braces for fucking crocs and trackies…urgh….


  12. Randolphin Says:

    I drink to overcome anxiety and depression. Good.


  13. Malca Says:

    i love uk football and i love this site!


  14. Anonymous Says:

    seriously, do you inject this or what?


  15. Anonymous Says:

    they use this to induce pregnant women into labor. i’ve seen hundreds of women with this stuff coursing through their bodies and the main effect was a lot of very painful contractions. nothing remotely sexual or even pleasant.

    oxytocin is made naturally in the body, and is present during sex, labor, and breastfeeding. since it is a ‘human bonding’ hormone, i get how it could be used like ecstasy, but it still doesn’t make sense.

    you could always get in good with a labor and delivery nurse or OB and see if they’ll sneak you some. you’d have to inject it or run an IV.


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