Hi, I got hit by a car. I was on the back of a friend’s motorbike and even though it’s only a little beater and we got hit at about 10 miles an hour, it really fucked my shit up. I wasn’t in the hospital for very long but I was at home in the bedspital for what seemed like forever (what? You don’t like “bedspital”?) This means my week consisted of two things: Great drugs and lots of TV. I watched about 48 hours of it in five days and I was so high I had to photograph it to make sure what I was seeing was real. It was.

Let’s start with the most recent ones first (above two pics). This show has been on BBC America all week and holy shit is it intense. I got lint all over my chin because I spent the entire hour with my jaw on the floor. “Love me Love my Doll” has to be seen to be believed. It’s typically serious British doc about men who have given up on women and are focusing on their dolls. The weirdest part about these guys was their logic, “I’m never meeting another woman now because I’m 39 so I might as well accept it.” None of them were burn victims or had swastikas tattooed on their faces so what gives? Can’t this guy play in some metal cover band or something? He’s got a guitar. BTW please dig the way the dolls have a hook in their back so they can be hung from the ceiling.

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I think this was from the Equalizer starring Edward Woodward. He must be 90 years old.

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This car ad is written in Sex Pistols. In the interest of full disclosure I should tell you I use a DVR and can pause and rewind when little treasures like this scoot on to the screen. Also, some of the pics are from the tiny TV in my room and some are from the big living room one.

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Do you have any idea how long I stared at this image? If it was Flinstones era, whatever weird bird that was holding down the pause button would have been like, “All right lady, get over it. Sqwaaak!”

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This was from a weird Korean movie. Scary shot. Maybe not so much if you’re not high.

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This was from some old thing on Anna Nicole. She gave her dying husband a picture of herself in really raunchy lingerie. Check out her son staring confused. Beyond sad.

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This is from that movie Shrooms. The twist in it is tired but it’s still a really freaky ride.

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This was in a boring movie where Kiefer Sutherland was in the KKK. It was funny seeing his Canadian ass dressed up like that.

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I looked this up on the internet after. Apparently it’s the smartest sentence on earth.

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This was from a great movie where a little kid gets a couple together. It was so cute I bawled my eyes out.

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Saw Rocky Dennis on HBO with Japanese subtitles. It was on like, channel one million.

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They showed Rockers too which I’ve been dying to see but couldn’t understand it without English subtitles. There were times when I felt like I could concentrate myself into understanding it but I was totally fooling myself. There was a good 3 hours where I tried to understand different languages just by concentrating my ass off. If you try this you will see how retarded it is.

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Jellyfish should be sponsored by Dilaudid.

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Remember that shitty movie about gymnastics? It was like Bring it On but with more hand springs. Check out the girl’s shirt. It must have said Black Flag but Black Flag wouldn’t let them use it so they just said “Black” and made the flag into melted licorice. This was a good part though. She goes, “Call me” and the guy goes, “Call you? Stalk you!”

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This “person” was on the screen for a split second. I had to rewind it 100 times to capture him / her / it.

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Saw a 60 Minutes repeat on Facebook and their office was covered in David Choe drawings.

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OJ crime scene.

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This was from a Court TV thing on Sid Vicious. Wouldn’t it make a neat t-shirt? Nobody would know what it was and when they asked you could say, “It’s Sid’s police file” then walk away crying.

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Sid is so iconic you could recognize his look from three blocks away. He’s like a logo at this point. When I was about 13 I would french kiss the poster of him in my room. I found out later my big sister used to do the same thing with a Michael Jackson poster. We bonded on that.

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Nickelodeon had a cartoon where the little kids were robbers. I guess nobody pulled back and said, “Wait a minute. We accidentally made a minstrel troupe!” Not the first time they’ve stumbled into this territory.

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From Under Siege 2, a BIZARRE movie with Steven Seagal where he jumps off bridges and trains and basically flies. This is a split second shot where we see Eric Bogosian hanging off the edge of a cliff. I think they fucked up. They threw him off the train and then the writers said, “We need him to come back on the train so Seagal can kill him and stop the satellite.” So they went back and added this one-second scene where we see Eric didn’t die when he was thrown off a moving train that was on a bridge at the time. No, he grabbed on to the edge of the cliff, climbed back up and somehow got back on the train. The movie was more like a train cartoon starring real human beings. Like Polar Express or something.

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T2 Yo.

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This one freaked my ass out because it reminded me of my favorite TV Carnage clip ever.

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