Georgia is a backwards-ass place to live. If you arrive by plane the first thing you’ll notice when touching down is all the green foliage. Hanging out here is like watching an episode of M*A*S*H. The positive aspects are, if you live near Atlanta, the mountains are a two hour drive and the beach can be reached in roughly five hours which has one of the most badass cities in America: Savannah.
I attend school in the deep rural south; it’s about 10 miles east of the Alabama border and 50 miles west of Atlanta. I go to (let’s just say) retard university, 10,000 kids strong and all of them have either fucked up, failed out, or couldn’t afford a better education to arrive at this institute of higher learning, this goes for the faculty as well. The football team plays their games at the local high school stadium because of a piss-poor management of funds. The sororities aren’t allowed to have houses down here because of an old law on the books that states, if too many women live in one house, it’s considered a bordello; the school jumped on board and built sorority dorms to screw these girls out of yet, another expense. No shit!
Word around campus is that they pass out adderall like its candy, this is false. I had to make a phone call, see a school psychologist and tell them I was a brainless degenerate having trouble with the simple decision making process. I told them I had problems focusing on my studies due to the fact that my mind would often wonder while I eyed the content. I didn’t pay attention to them when they would speak, but remained in direct eye contact proving, this was no sure-fire, fire drill. I threw a couple of “uhh’s” and “what’s” in and was recommended to the school doctor, not exactly candy.
This stuff is essential for a better campus lifestyle, say…. if you want to fuck some sluts (the southern girls are the belles that you’ve all heard about, complete with that sweet, southern draw) let’s say for…. 5 consecutive hours. Just to keep your reputation sound you’d need to eat 2-3 of these guys to put out the word that you mean business!
Lastly, if you meet that special someone and their fat as shit (my hand is hiding the turkey beard) or a total fucking bore, and you find yourself withdrawn, or not talking about things that are irrelevant, do a pink-pill-power-up and get sentimental with’ um, they’ll love you in the end.
The university pamphlet on rape defense grabs young girls’ attention with the acronym RAD. To fend off an attacker the pamphlet suggests an aggressive and radical new approach in rape defense; just simply jerk-off the attacker which will leave them running away in a daze, puzzled with the notion of what went wrong in their offense.
Music sucks in every college town but if YALL insist, there’s one band that has some potential coming out of Athens (home of the B-52’s + REM), click on the one called DIRTY SONG, it’s pretty goddamn funny.
Southern food is the best you’ll find in the U-S of A. My tits have grown in enormous size, and my lips have become stained with a constant hue of reddish pink due to my consistent diet of buckets of chicken and watermelon.
Don’t fuck with blacks from the south. A kid by the name of Genarlow Wilson made national news when he was sentenced to 10 years for getting head from a 15 year old when he was 17. I reside 13 miles west of ATL, this is where that occurred.
The laws are so fucked up down here because this town is right in the middle of the Bible Belt’s Fundamentalist Third Notch. If he would’ve fucked her he would have gotten-off with a misdemeanor, it’s because blow jobs are an evil fucking sin ‘round “these parts.” So…. the law got appealed, but the Georgia courts wouldn’t let poor Genarlow out because of legal loopholes. The black community got pissed; this was a goddamn modern-day shit-on-the-dishes, sit-in.
The black community took to the streets blocking up roads, organizing speeches, and marching straight to the county court house to raise hell. Commerce was made in the march by printing t-shirts with the county DA’s face on a wanted poster calling him a horned-ball dickhead. About 3 peaceful rallies where set into place and good ol’ Genarlow finally got to go home after spending 2 years in jail.
This town is known for its meth “epidemic.” Some major television networks have filmed documentaries here about the evil beast that is meth. This poor town is full of tweaked out fiends riding on busted hopes and dreams who can only find factory jobs at a mere 9-10$ an hour, a tragedy, a fuck-in tragedy! It’s a goddamn shame around here when every convenient store has a shalay sitting right next to the lollipops at the checkout counter, but I guess that’s simple economics geared towards an emerging target market, right!?
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Jesus Christ, I hope they’ve got you in introduction to preremedial English right now. Your, punctuation choices are, interesting for one, thing. General coherence is what you really need to work on, though, I can’t figure out what you’re trying to say half of the time.
06.12.08 at 12:13 pm
HI WHAT IS A SHALAY?
06.12.08 at 12:21 pm
This is an excellent feature– this should be a weekly piece– I appreciate the writer’s effort. Another town I’ll never, ever visit done up in a man-on-the-street fashion! Thanks!
06.12.08 at 12:28 pm
Yeah, WHAT IS A SHALAY?
Also, do y’alls hillbillies really go to tanning salons?
06.12.08 at 12:49 pm
Yeah, I like this better than Iraq report now methinks. Sorry Taelib or whatever your name is.
06.12.08 at 12:51 pm
according to the author raping women is a keen idea
06.12.08 at 1:22 pm
a shalay is what southerners call meth pipes
06.12.08 at 2:05 pm
A shalay is crack pipe with a bubble on the end so you don’t have to use steel wool, the tanning on the sign is for the hide of deer carcass, and as far as the rape comment; I had to go jerk off after reading that, this is where I went for inspiration http://theamputee.com/
06.12.08 at 2:29 pm
Just simply, what went wrong in my offense?
06.12.08 at 4:34 pm
“[...] all of them have either fucked up, failed out, or couldn’t afford a better education[.]”
I’m guessing that you’re equal parts categories one and two.
06.12.08 at 4:41 pm
I love that he makes an effort to hide what university he attends, yet doesn’t redact the words “University of West Georgia” on the prescription label.
06.12.08 at 4:53 pm
I think this guy’s retarded and not in a good sense of the word either; I mean, who makes out with negative 10s and brags about it? although, he does have a modicum of common sense when he covers up their fat necks/chins with his mitt. at least the poor fucker is getting some i guess?
06.12.08 at 10:08 pm
douglasville just punched me again, in the nutts……shit!
06.13.08 at 2:11 am
sweet white hat and pink polo, bro. what frat are you in?
and come on, that “bordello” bullshit is just an urban legend. there’s no such law. i went to school in Atlanta and heard the same shit all the time, but it’s not true.
06.13.08 at 9:55 am
To the brother with the anti-white supremacy sign,
You’re not making a shopping list for a run to the Piggly-Wiggly. You are advertising your beliefs for all to see. If people see your beliefs were not well thought out enough to fit on the poster without running on down the right side because there’s not enough room, well… at least tape on an extra piece of paper for those last letters.
06.13.08 at 12:37 pm
It’s hard to fit the biggest terrorist system ever onto one piece of posterboard.
I like how it’s all stenciled, except for Jesus’ name.
06.13.08 at 3:00 pm
I see/hear somebody bashing the Roman Empire, I think of that scene in Life of Brian when the guy asks “what have the Romans ever done for US?” and a bunch of people chime in and say: roads, aqueducts, grain, safety, education, sanitation, etc. etc. etc.
06.13.08 at 8:08 pm
they say that brothel/sorority thing at every fucking school in every fucking state. it’s fucing bullshit stop pissing me off you fucking asshole who knows nothing
06.14.08 at 3:11 am
Horned-ball!
06.14.08 at 2:32 pm
They need to get wider poster boards in Georgia.
06.17.08 at 1:52 am
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/12/22/georgia.muslim.courthouse/index.html?eref=googletoolbar
12.23.08 at 1:37 am
Here’s a real life story in which preforming a “reach-around” to your attacker is a definitive solution to rape prevention even if your 88 years old! It is now apparent that the RAD pamphlet was correct in their assumption as Mr. Dick was apprehended after Grannie applied the aforementioned tactic leaving her intruder “running away in a daze, puzzled with the notion of what went wrong in their offense.” Wow! http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2008/12/31/or.naked.intruder.kptv
12.31.08 at 1:10 pm
PR teams never cease to make me laugh with the bullshit of their words.
So apparently someone got raped at this college. http://bit.ly/bcxhcr
And when one logs into the system, the new campus announcement states:
A new Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) Class has been added by popular
demand.
The Date is March 10, 2010 (Next Wednesday) at 7:00 PM at the Campus
Center Aerobics Room.
The University Police Department’s certified RAD instructors will
teach the class.
Go to http://www.westga.edu/police click on the Rape Aggression Defense Tab
on the left
So therefore, apparently RAPE=POPULAR DEMAND
03.05.10 at 1:53 am