I’m assuming that lots of guys read this site, so I’ve decided to put my vagina powers to good use, and teach you how to touch a pussy. Because you’re doing it wrong.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that most of the guys I sleep with are like 22-year-old skaters who can barely get a job, let alone get a girl off. But I’m not so willing to give up on them because they’re hot, and they usually have that V-shaped thing right below their abdomens that points to their peens. Every girl likes that. Except for girls that like fatties.
WRONG:
- Don’t look under the hood: It seems as though the dudes I do fuck who know their way around a vulva will try to impress me with their knowledge of the existence of clit hoods, so they’ll make a bee line for it, lift it up and start rubbing.
- Initial tapping on the clit really hard, like you’re knocking on a door or something.
- Over stimulation: What most guys don’t get is that most girls don’t even finger themselves when they masturbate. (And if they do that in front of you, it’s just for show.) For instance, I don’t know a single girl who plays with herself using a dildo. They use vibrators, and don’t bother much with penetration. Because clits have like a bajillion nerve endings, too much direct stimulation is a bad thing—like looking directly at the sun. For instance, I don’t even take my panties off when I use my Magic Wand.
RIGHT:
- Pretend the clit is a dick: I know it sounds unappealing to hetero dudes, but clits really are just tiny dicks that shrunk down in utero once the sex got worked out.
- Jerk it: This actually goes along with the whole “clit is a dick” thing. Swirly rubbing isn’t really the trick at all. You want to grab the whole pussy, by the labia—like Nina Hartley is doing to Sunny Lane in that image up there—and move it like you would your own dick when your jerking off.
Here, watch this. She says it all.
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SO. TRUE.
06.25.08 at 1:20 pm
we’re not amused- titillated, yes but not amused
06.25.08 at 2:02 pm
Holy Shit, I can do something right!
06.25.08 at 2:38 pm
So my dick is just like a huge clit? Cool
06.25.08 at 4:09 pm
You guys should work it out to where I can tell who’s writing these things.
06.25.08 at 4:12 pm
duly noted.
06.25.08 at 8:01 pm
i will never have sex again.
06.25.08 at 8:10 pm
Tracie is that you?
06.25.08 at 9:21 pm
That old lady scares me….
06.25.08 at 10:56 pm
People don’t believe me when I say dick size doesn’t matter, but this confirms exactly what I’ve been saying and proves that everyone else is full of shit which is what makes me happiest in life.
06.26.08 at 12:32 am
ISNT EVERYONE SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT?
clitoral stimulation does nothing for some broads.
06.26.08 at 7:42 am
i think the clitoral stimulation YOU are providing is doing nothing. either that or they were like mutilated down there.
06.26.08 at 8:56 am
the only thing my wang provides to women, are, weak kidneys and infected bladders due to all the repeated poundings that they are made to endure, maybe i’ll try nina’s way for once
06.26.08 at 10:31 am
More please!
06.26.08 at 11:27 am
Actually, all fetuses start out as girls and then the chromosomes kick in and decide the sex. So, the penis is just a large clit. Not the other way around. This also explains why men have nipples.
07.31.08 at 12:16 pm
what if she has her clit pierced and 4 piercings on both sides of her labia major
08.03.08 at 2:21 am
just the thought of some clueless guy grabbing my labia and ‘jerking it’ as you so erotically put it is enough to make me wince…please, please stop misadvising poor clueless young men…
06.16.09 at 12:53 pm
yeah how do you ‘jerk’ a clit?
i know my clit pretty well and im even confused..
just rub it right and be gentle!
07.24.09 at 8:35 am
oh but i do agree with you honey,
being badly fingered is horrible as.
07.24.09 at 8:36 am
I don’t want anyone trying to jerk my clit with their hands. She’s too little and raw for that kind of gripping.
08.23.09 at 6:24 pm
I gotta respectfully disagree about the fingering. I love penetration, and love getting fingered by myself and others. SO true: bad fingering is straight up bad. But sometimes after I get all worked up, alls I want is to get something all up in me. But again: when I’m alone, I only use one finger. So as to keep the pussy nice and toit. Ladies?
01.08.10 at 2:39 pm
I use a vibrator on my clit while i use a dildo to reach my g spot. By not using a dildo as well you are not learning how to have g spot orgasm which is better. Once you learn how it is easier to have during sex. Alot of times i use a vibrator or play with my clit during or before sex but can have orgasms without either if i am properly prepared.
01.10.10 at 2:13 pm
Well… I’ve never actually done anything… But I
use a dildo to mastrobate. Why is that bad?
02.25.10 at 12:41 am