I recently coined a term to help me get to the bottom of these uncomfortable but REALLY REAL crotch-throbbing situations that I seem to find myself in from time to time, but feel fully unable to admit in mixed company: SHAMELUST.
Are you confused? Let me give you context: I seriously want to bang Kid Rock, and it really hurts to say that out loud. (That feeling? SHAMELUST!) I re-watched the YouTube of Kid & dude from Creed (also an acceptable Shamelust candidate) getting tour bus beejers recently and was totally into it on a level that I maybe shouldn’t feel OK with admitting to anyone — even just my own self in the mirror (oopsydoops, too late now).
When I threw this topic out on twitter a little while ago and invited the people of the Internets to join me in freeing themselves of these painful secret bang fantasies, I was at first disappointed by the @replies I was getting: “The Jonas Brothers, lol,” “Chace Crawford,” “Justin Bobby.”
You guys. C’mon.
Wanting to TOUCH IT on one of the Jonases is not shamelusty; they are major pop stars! Justin Bobby is bonafide hot as fuck! That is the status quo of regs lust for most of Amurrrica. For SHAMELUST you have to reach deeper. You need to admit the person (or thing, or … scent) that makes you wanna get nakes and that admittance must make you gag. And then you have shamelusted — congrats!
EXAMPLES OF SHAMELUST (for the record, mostly not MINE; mine are marked with an asterisk for those of you that need this information for your REALLY FUCKING UNIMPORTANT INFORMATION file in your references)
Jon Gosselin
—
Meat Loaf
—
Artie Lang*
—
The Situation
—
Anyone on Jersey Shore
—
Adam Duritz
—
Val Kilmer (now)
—
Hasidim*
—
Chad from Million Dollar Listing*
—
Chuck Scarborough*
—
Bruce Vilanch
—
Brandon Davis
—
2(x)ist
—
Vili Faalaau
—
Joey Fatone
—
Larry King
—
Mr Belding
—
Jeffrey Tambor*
—
Bret Michaels (now)
—
Moby
—
Peter Griffin
—
Fat KFed
—
Spencer Pratt
—
Duggar Dad
—
Peter André
—
Emeril Lagasse
—
Scott Storch
—
Jamie Kennedy
—
Stephen Baldwin
—
… The list is sort of endless, if you really get your dirty filthy mind going.
ONE IMPORTANT NOTE:
I really feel like there is a zenith, a SHAMELUST SUMMIT … and that man, the “ring” of SHAMLUSTERY, he who rules them all is: Adnan Ghalib.
Once you have admitted that you want to fuck that dude, you could tell us all that you blow up kittens and make the remains into tacos for the homeless and we would all basically shrug.
Please, use the oh-so-open and free and loving safe space of the Street Carnage comments to air your shamelust. Be free, and show us all how deeply disturbed you really are.
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Okay, here goes . . . kill youself.
01.22.10 at 11:22 am
Does Tony Soprano count? I mean, he’s a real man but he’s also bald, ugly, and fat as shit.
01.22.10 at 11:29 am
dude, FAT KFED!!! is that fucking real. hahahahahaha
01.22.10 at 11:32 am
Tony Soprano on Halloween.
01.22.10 at 11:36 am
http://www.dlisted.com/files/openpostjamesgandolfini1.jpg <–Tony Soprano Halloween costume.
&
Fatter, act cleaned up asking for support from Elton John Eminem. Wanna do him.
01.22.10 at 11:40 am
“I really feel like there is a zenith, a SHAMELUST SUMMIT … and that man, the “ring” of SHAMLUSTERY, he who rules them all is: WHITE LIGHTNING.”
01.22.10 at 11:53 am
Golda Meir…she still loves it up the ass
01.22.10 at 11:54 am
Is it gross that Clint Eastwood still makes me hot even though he’s 1,000?
01.22.10 at 12:00 pm
Baldwin is on TV daily in the UK – Big Brother. He is one weird mother.
01.22.10 at 12:00 pm
Two minutes after tha Val Kilmer photo was taken, a group of concerned environmental activists feverisly worked to push him out to sea so that he could rejoin his pod.
01.22.10 at 12:12 pm
Fuck yeah, fat KFed. I would pour a half-gallon of lube over that mound and ride it into next week.
01.22.10 at 12:16 pm
Amanda Lepore.
01.22.10 at 12:20 pm
Val Kilmer looks like a penguin.
01.22.10 at 12:23 pm
This is so brillz….Yeah, I have total shamelust for Artie Lange, fat K.Fed (don’t judge), and Ronnie from Jersey Shore. Also, maybe Mario Batali- mostly because he could serve me some meatballs post-coitus.
01.22.10 at 12:37 pm
Fat Joe!
01.22.10 at 12:39 pm
matt berry…all four feet of him!
01.22.10 at 12:52 pm
I’m not sure I feel this new emotion so much. But if I did, it would be Shauna Sand for her cartoony, over-the-top, Holly-whore qualities.*
*extra points for being a brainless, shitty mom.
01.22.10 at 1:15 pm
Vili Faalaau was really the icing on the sundae there.
01.22.10 at 1:20 pm
I’m french and do NOT know who the fuck are these guys but I guess my shamelust is Sheldon on Big bang Theory. It’s a bit like pedophilia no?
01.22.10 at 1:23 pm
jim goad
01.22.10 at 1:26 pm
Tim Roth.
01.22.10 at 1:29 pm
Gavin McInnes
01.22.10 at 1:33 pm
laura bush
01.22.10 at 1:40 pm
oh shit, im dying from laughter.
can we do a guys version of this?
just because we’re men doesnt mean that we dont discriminate when it comes to women.
however, there is a whole blog dedicated to the males perspective and its found here:
http://idontcareifyouwouldntiwould.blogspot.com/?zx=1c684dda6c4c94ba
01.22.10 at 1:50 pm
Yum. Lots of chubs and bears. They are the best to have sex with and if you aren’t having sex with one now, you are wasting your time.
01.22.10 at 2:15 pm
Uhm peter griffin is a cartoon….you cant have sex with a cartoon idiot.
01.22.10 at 2:50 pm
hetero male & my shamelustlist is all skanky comics: Sandra Bernhard, Kathy Griffin (voice & all!), Kennedy from MTV back in the day (glasses on, byatch!), Janine Garofalo
01.22.10 at 2:57 pm
Lindsey Lohan, Heidi Montag, Shaunna Sand, Tara Reid, etc., etc. Basically, any trashy celebrity who is somewhat hot.
01.22.10 at 3:12 pm
My shamelust is Ann Coulter.
01.22.10 at 3:40 pm
mmmmm ann coulter.
id be all “call me dirty ethnic slurs, and make it sting”
01.22.10 at 3:46 pm
Daisy from Daisy of Love (don’t argue–she looks like a cartoon fish).
01.22.10 at 3:59 pm
Dr. Drew from Celebrity Rehab.
01.22.10 at 4:00 pm
Travis Barker, in full Aquabats regale.
01.22.10 at 4:24 pm
What about DON DELOUISE?? He smells like cheese, ie = sex
01.22.10 at 5:30 pm
Couldn’t be bothered reading but the pic of Val on the beach was worth the scroll through. Oh, Billy Baldwin had a very nice blazer on.
01.22.10 at 6:06 pm
Larry David does it for me. He is so anal and annoying it turns me on.
01.22.10 at 6:26 pm
Artie Lang is the only man my boyfriend said I could have a free pass to get it on with. Others include Ed O’Neill now and Bundy days, especially the Bundy days, and Mario Batali, even with the orange Crocs.
01.22.10 at 7:27 pm
what the fuck if up with Larry King’s head?
01.22.10 at 7:42 pm
Looks like somebody is a chubby chaser. Is it possible for guys to have a shamelust? I notice Ann Coulter is up there but c’mon. Would anyone go for Dr. Ruth or Or Roseanne? Be a bit more shameful.
01.22.10 at 8:46 pm
Courtney Love.
01.22.10 at 9:13 pm
Hahahahahaha. Sure
01.22.10 at 9:33 pm
omg I need to poop so bad… bring me the american flag, plese
01.22.10 at 9:41 pm
Lady Gaga and Snookie!
I wanna pound that li’l thang.
01.22.10 at 9:45 pm
I’d like the male cast of Jersey Shore to pull a train on me- the VD would be totes worth it to see Ronnie smile.
If I was d00d, I’d like to fuck J-Timberlake up the ass.
Also, Mormon missionaries.
01.22.10 at 11:59 pm
I should also add the octomom to this.
01.23.10 at 12:10 am
Katie Jordan, only if Katie Jordan is female.
01.23.10 at 5:13 am
Rhea Perlman
Runners up include: Bai Ling and the original spit target Xtina Aguilera.
01.23.10 at 7:01 am
agree with larry king and the situation. one in the front and one in the back, all fucking night long. meow.
duggar dad? now that’s some seriously sick shit.
01.23.10 at 9:46 am
the senator klobachur. I see her sometimes, she has art school glasses
01.23.10 at 10:08 am
sue johansson
01.23.10 at 11:07 am
Al Bundy, yes, but he isn’t even a shameful fuck.
Norm from Cheers.
Any doood with a huge mustache (like Geraldo Rivera). Gross.
01.23.10 at 11:25 am
michelle bachman
01.23.10 at 12:23 pm
Anne Frank, Nancy Reagan & Thatcher, any girl with Cerebral Palsy
01.23.10 at 1:51 pm
there’s no place for us
01.23.10 at 1:57 pm
anderson cooper. is it bad that when i was watching “hope for haiti now” last night he was making me hot?
01.23.10 at 2:04 pm
Natalie Portman in The Professional, Luna Lovegood, girls with Down’s Syndrome, Terri Schiavo(pre- and post-vegetable duh), Judi Dench, also might of had a thing for Rosie O’Donnell when I was younger. See, Shamelust only works for men if it’s really creepy and illegal or close enough.
01.23.10 at 2:04 pm
@Taeil We decided guys can’t really shamelust. You’d put it in anything without batting a lash and then brag about it the next day. Even Aileen Wuornos…
I got dibs on ICE CUBE, Alice Cooper, The Gonz
01.23.10 at 2:18 pm
So glad none of these guys even get an inkling of lust out of me. Just gross.
01.23.10 at 2:18 pm
My best friend’s fat, bitchy wife.
01.23.10 at 3:33 pm
Just occurred to me that Tiger Woods is a shamefuck adict.
01.23.10 at 3:35 pm
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say “shamefuck?” My fault. OJ Simpson too.
01.23.10 at 3:37 pm
Gayle & Oprah makin’ a yesy’all sambitch. Word
01.23.10 at 4:14 pm
DAVID CARUSO
01.23.10 at 6:24 pm
There’s no shame about responding to Meat Loaf. He’s a sexual man.
01.23.10 at 6:26 pm
Jeff Corwin is shamelusting Adam Duritz’s head
01.24.10 at 2:43 am
you. white chick lightning. checked out your blog and yeah, gotta go with you, center square, for the win. or lose.
01.24.10 at 5:30 am
yup. took you all about 3 days to stop weeping for haiti and git on with the meaty issues that drive your passionately informed lives.
01.24.10 at 7:32 am
^ Your mom has a meaty issue.
01.24.10 at 8:48 am
i’m totes late to this par-TAY but bill paxton. however, i’m not remotely ashamed to admit it.
01.24.10 at 9:32 am
Tom Servo
01.24.10 at 11:04 am
Corky.
01.24.10 at 11:58 am
TLC’s the half ton teen
01.24.10 at 2:04 pm
Taliban lust…particularly the hot rapey one from the Kite Runner movie.
01.24.10 at 4:15 pm
And midget lust…Peter Dinklage
01.24.10 at 4:18 pm
uugh i feel like puking. all those dudes SUCK.
01.24.10 at 4:34 pm
Mrs. Garret from Different Strokes and that boarding school spin off. Ah fuck it, the entire casts of both shows, Gary Coleman and Conrad Bain included.
01.24.10 at 5:40 pm
oh yeah, that newest housewife from orange county. that taliban-looking faux christian pig of a husband of hers. oh my, but yes.
01.24.10 at 6:00 pm
Sinbad
01.24.10 at 6:36 pm
ron perlman. mickey o’rourke. basically, any burly dude old enough to be my father who somewhat resembles beef jerky.
01.24.10 at 9:29 pm
A threesome with the lead singer from CREED and Eddie Vedder. They’d have a contest to see whose dick is the “least small.”
01.24.10 at 11:47 pm
great blog, whitelightning.
“HEAD TO MOTHERFUCKING ARMADILLO TOE!”
indeed.
01.24.10 at 11:52 pm
The new Joan Rivers
01.25.10 at 5:06 am
Paul reiser
01.25.10 at 9:53 am
Seriously needed a term for this because my list is out the fuck of control. All you need to know is that number one is Billy Bob Thornton in Slingblade.
01.25.10 at 5:59 pm
Bruno Tonioli
01.25.10 at 6:43 pm
mother theresa (now)
01.25.10 at 11:54 pm
Two words-Susan Boyle
01.26.10 at 5:56 pm
[...] v. coined by fashion/pop culture blogger White Lightning in a post she wrote for Street Carnage, this word is used to describe being totally disgusted and attracted [...]
02.12.10 at 1:08 pm
[...] coined by fashion/pop culture bloggerWhite Lightning in a post she wrote forStreet Carnage, this word is used to describe being totally disgusted and attracted [...]
05.12.10 at 6:50 am
[...] upon hearing it: Shamelust v. coined by fashion/pop culture blogger White Lightning in a post she wrote for Street Carnage , this word is used to describe being totally disgusted and attracted [...]
10.12.10 at 9:18 pm
ann coulter, julianne o’moore (actually hot though), ellen barkin
01.04.11 at 5:29 pm
Steve. Buscemi.
03.21.11 at 12:57 pm