Shopping while wasted has brought a lot of stupid shit into my life. I spent $50 on what I thought would be a protective skin for my laptop but was actually just a sticker. I spent the same amount on a Cheech & Chong shirt even though I don’t like Cheech & Chong. And I’m not even going to begin to tell you about the hundreds of dollars I spent pretending to be a Juggalo.
I’m not the only one. Popular comedian David Cross recently surfed the internet drunk and ended up with a $150 eyewear cleaner (it’s a space-age mini car wash thing you put them in and then they come floating out all clean) and a telescope so huge and impossible to use, he’s going to donate it to a University.
The people at Sky Mall realized this phenomenon is especially pronounced when people are flying so they’ve provided said drunks with some of the most ridiculous housewares humany imagineable. These include but are not limited to…
A thing if you want to pass out right now.
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A thing if you break your neck.
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A thing for your dog if he’s a 1,000 years old and can’t get out of your car.
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A thing for people who want every single brownie in the tray to have as at least as many crusty edges as a corner piece.
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A piece of Saran Wrap disguised as a germ-proof cover.
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And finally, who could live without the portable Feng Shui compass?
Remember, you’re not going to remember buying any of these things so why not send yourself a little surprise treat? We could all do with an expensive piece of shit we don’t need.
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you’re talkin about buying under the influence…how about inventing under the influence…I mean an edge only brownie pan, c’mon
that being said, I would totally buy that sober, edge brownies are bomb
04.24.09 at 9:53 am
Who has neckpro? Who doesnt like the middle of the brownie? Who the fuck likes the edge of a brownie?! 400 dollars FOR A FENG SHUI COMPASSS!!!!!!! what the fuck does that thing do!
04.24.09 at 10:01 am
i want to invent a no-edge brownie pan.
middle brownies >>>>>> edge brownies
04.24.09 at 10:10 am
being drunk sure does make you do things you regret later, daddy! remember why you stuck your dick in my mommy? then you had the nice man come and vacuum me out. that sure did cost a lot! daddy, why don’t they advertise abortion in the sky magazine? that’s about the biggest expenditure most guys make as a result of being drunk.
glurg.
04.24.09 at 10:18 am
yum i can taste the crunchy edges of those brownies in my mouth as we speak.
04.24.09 at 10:23 am
ive said it a million times before and ill say it again: Gavin only has one pair of jeans.
04.24.09 at 11:11 am
The dog ramp just destroyed me.
04.24.09 at 11:27 am
It’s been an hour I’m still laughing at the dog ramp
04.24.09 at 12:03 pm
@foetus: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, I am fairly certain your rhetoric would have a better chance at effectively persuading in a different forum.
04.24.09 at 12:17 pm
reminds me – this is always good for a laugh: http://www.skymaul.com
04.24.09 at 12:26 pm
Ahhhh Skymall.
04.24.09 at 1:25 pm
that brownie thing is wack. brownie crusts suck
04.24.09 at 1:50 pm
I hear Jared Swilley tried out to be a member of Gravy Train!!! At his audition he wore a butt plug that had a piece that wrapped under his taint and had a little cup on the end that held one ball at a 90 degree angle from his then erect penis.
Can you confirm this, Jared Swilley?
04.24.09 at 1:50 pm
i took a picture of the skyrest thing and forgot to make fun of it on my blog. how can you pass out when you have to blow that motherfucker up you can’t exactly board the plane with it inflated. i want one.
04.24.09 at 1:55 pm
Finally, crust edge meth brownies.
04.24.09 at 2:12 pm
“Everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, I am fairly certain your rhetoric would have a better chance at effectively persuading in a different forum.”
is that you, daddy? i was so happy when i saw you coming in to get me early. you were so excited for your baby to be with you. then i realized it was the man with the shop vac and i’ve been glurgy ever since.
04.24.09 at 3:16 pm
Ok let me just say. I would probably pay the $40 for the brownie pan. WTF you can make lasagna in it. THE DESCRIPTION SAYS SO. The edges of lasagna are the best.
04.24.09 at 3:33 pm
Shopping off of the TV: I am going to be one of those chain smoking old ladies who does it. I need a Sham Wow. I bought a Magic Bullet. I want a Snuggie.
04.24.09 at 4:39 pm
gavin has wussy hands fucking man baby
04.25.09 at 12:13 am
Whoah, way to to finally take on SkyMall. Those jerks had it coming.
04.25.09 at 4:47 am
ive made some of my finest purchases whilst wasted
04.25.09 at 8:36 am
foetus, how did you get online at the medical waste dump?
04.25.09 at 1:48 pm
i think i might order the edge brownie thing, thats fuckin dope.
04.25.09 at 3:05 pm
for some reason this made me laugh more than all your other posts. is it the super jack herer taking effect, maybe
04.25.09 at 6:05 pm
I thought you said you don’t drink, Jim; what gives?
05.12.09 at 3:23 pm