We went up the country to celebrate the fact that, like Gabriel Aubry, we’re finally in the black.
The kids showed up about 5 hours late because kids are stupid these days and don’t know how to do anything let alone assemble a group and navigate a journey.
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The first thing we did was go to this old church some fags converted into a fun house.
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I convinced the kids this wax bust was discovered in the church when they bought it and is said to have magic powers. It is a fucking trip to stare at real close. Everything was going great until one of the homos rolled up going, “Oh that’s just some piece of shit I found in Jersey.” Thanks, dick.
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Check it out: The couch in the photograph is the same couch as in this photograph.
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Poppers always seems like a fun idea at the time but the headache the next day is CRIPPLING. I don’t know why gays love them so much. My asshole didn’t feel particularly relaxed.
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Then it was back to the tee pee for fire rituals.
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Kyle burned the words, “Dead but not forgotten” on to his chest.
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We tried to do the same to Arvind but didn’t make it past DEA-. Now it looks like Arvind is really into the war on drugs.
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BTW if you ever get a burn, the first thing you have to do is get it under cold water for as long as possible. Nothing else matters. Run a cold bath and sit there forever. If it’s just a wee burn, an ice cube should do.
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It also helps to eat as much ass as possible.
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The kids today take about 3 hours to get up. You’d be lucky to get them out of the house before 3pm. I had to scream at them to get them into the car. It made herding cats seem like combing hair.
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“Maybe I’ll have a coffee.”
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OK guys, can we fucking get going please?
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“Hold on, just one more song.”
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We finally got to the beach but it was too late. Everything had become tiny.
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Even the snakes.
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Check out the boombox. It’s hard to find cassettes that aren’t compilations of bad hip hop. Remember? That’s when we thought the guitar was dead forever.
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Aquatic Paki-bashing.
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Free Satpal Ram!
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Derrick loves when I piss in the lake. He says it “warms [his] bust.”
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Chicks with beards.
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How fucking retarded are those Dior bathing suits with the hood? Why don’t you just stick on some sleeves and some bell bottoms while you’re at it. What about a swim fedora?
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Pretending to be shot Matt Houston-steez makes for good snaps.
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Then we went to a Korean “Arts Village” for dinner. Kyle can speak Korean which comes in very handy about once every two years.
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Or you could just fix your fucking toilet.
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People with no arms must never be chilly. They’re lucky.
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Then we went old-timey bowling where you need a pinsetter to reset the pins after every shot. He was 11 and kids are eager at that age so we had him keep score too.
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The way blacks wear their pants gets more ridiculous every day.
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Peter licking coke off Arvind’s DEA wound.
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Val took a shining to the pinsetter.
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Partying with the pinsetter after the game. Remember being 11 and having girls flirt with you? It was beyond the best. You’d think about it for days after. One time my babysitter frenched me. Best night of my life.
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Things got weird when we got back home.
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The drunker they got the nuder they became.
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And so it went from this…
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To this. The funny thing about partying nude is, you start off laughing and being weird but after about 15 minutes you forget and you’re sitting there with your penis out arguing with someone about Obama’s stimulus plan.
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The next day we noticed Peter had pissed the bed. How’s this for smart? Ksenia goes, “The best way to deal with that is to pour boiling water on the spot.” Then Peter laughs and goes, “How do you know? You piss the bed a lot?” Can you believe that? He’s making fun of someone for potentially having peed their bed as he sits on his knees trying to clean piss off the ped that HE JUST FUCKING PEED THERE. Unbelievable.
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So we shot him.
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Looks like fun. I need to make some new friends, the current losers never party naked!
09.08.09 at 12:53 pm
DA-Dang who’s that chick with the fat juicy ass? YOU KNOW that ain’t Aileen Awesome.
09.08.09 at 1:15 pm
i am never drinking ever again (this week)
09.08.09 at 1:18 pm
we need more nudes of Kyle
09.08.09 at 1:20 pm
agreed with Stephanie. we should party naked together.
these captions are funny.
09.08.09 at 1:22 pm
p.s. who is the “Maybe I’ll have a coffee.”girl? She is a 10 in my book.
09.08.09 at 1:24 pm
lib arts school fags. redesign logo blows. are you trying to turn this into VICE too? just let me know what the next site is called, cause i see this only getting worse.
09.08.09 at 2:17 pm
Who do I gotta blow to get a job?
09.08.09 at 2:49 pm
that wasn’t me
09.08.09 at 2:51 pm
You fags need to eat vagina.
Nice tits on the asian chick.
09.08.09 at 3:03 pm
so fuckin awesome.
09.08.09 at 3:18 pm
I like the redesign. Please don’t go all douchey like Vice.
09.08.09 at 4:25 pm
Thankfully, I had a blast in Jersey. I almost ended up naked too. Almost.
09.08.09 at 4:32 pm
Kyle must be pretty confident about his ass for it to be shaped like a greater-than symbol.
09.08.09 at 4:41 pm
the babe with the short hair never showed her tits. ripoffff.
09.08.09 at 4:50 pm
I know you “had to be there” but I wasn`t so I don`t give a shit. This reminds me of Andy Warhol`s Factory parties, except without hard drugs or talent.
09.08.09 at 5:08 pm
hey homo, no one cares if it was you or not. dont be such a queer
09.08.09 at 5:15 pm
Ice will do you no good on burns- it shocks yer nerves. It’s all about the lukish warm-cool water for the five minutes & cold beyond.
09.08.09 at 6:36 pm
Thank you Pookles.
09.08.09 at 7:34 pm
none of thems was me’s
09.08.09 at 7:44 pm
looks like good times. and no, this won’t become vice…i hope.
09.08.09 at 8:17 pm
motherfucker.
09.08.09 at 8:18 pm
So when everybody leaves and you’re stuck there all alone to clean up, thats when you start “punching the bag”. Am I right?
09.08.09 at 9:21 pm
@ Homo @ 2:17 PM: Quit your yapping. Vice is no bad thing, the only reason one should ever groan about it is because it hates on a lottta. But hate is fun sometimes. Street Carnage is all about the cherishing, it’s the greener grass that the upper crust of humanity craves. Learn to love.
09.08.09 at 9:54 pm
And good tip, Pookles! Ice will further damage the skin! But cool water won’t.
(Each of us winking)
09.08.09 at 9:55 pm
I partied naked this weekend! haha. Then I had a threesome with these two chicks with a double sided dildo they picked up on the way back from Jumbo’s in LA. It was epic, but I think I have herpes in my throat now.
09.08.09 at 10:24 pm
when did everyone turn into such fucking pussies? hell johnson, you sound like a faggoty john lennon song that he wrote while sucking yokos twat at a coffee shop poetry circle. i do have love in my life, like jumbo’s clown room. that place fuckin rules.
09.08.09 at 10:51 pm
p.s. that’s a nice ass that paki be jawin’ at.
09.09.09 at 12:30 am
IT WAS STUPID TO LOWER THE STREETBONERS. STUPID STUPID, RAISE THEM PLEASE.
09.09.09 at 1:35 am
that’s Val’s ass.
09.09.09 at 2:20 am
it would crack me up HUGE if the girl folks are calling a babe (short haired girl, I agree, she is a babe) is jen hanley.
seeing as people bitch about her pretty constantly, y’know.
09.09.09 at 7:34 am
Don’t you people get hangovers? I would be out of commission for an entire day after a ‘get so drunk you get naked’ night.
09.09.09 at 10:38 am
[...] the tons of incriminating photos from the Street Carnage Employee Retreat (which we never gave permission for and are not exactly [...]
09.09.09 at 11:17 am
yeah i think if you’re complaining that one websites holiday photo’s look similar to another websites holiday photos then you need to do a little something called “get a life…”
plus these are just photos of people getting fucked up and doing weird things, rather than trying to pose like a hipper version of a ralph lauren catalog
09.09.09 at 8:45 pm
Is that bowling alley at ROHMAN’S? Get out of my town, you city fags!!
09.09.09 at 10:19 pm
The chicks are hot, the dudes or not, perfect party.
09.10.09 at 1:24 am
gavin is thisclose to banging coffee girl. and by thisclose i mean been doing it for months now.
09.10.09 at 6:11 am
at most company retreats you get a few scrapes and cuts, maybe some mosquito bites. at this one you get herpes.
09.10.09 at 1:03 pm
Gavin, you aren’t banging her are you?
09.10.09 at 6:05 pm
[...] OF WHY I SHOULD RESPECT THE INFREQUENT, FILLER CONTENT OR THINK SOMEONE IS WAY RAD BECAUSE THEY HANG OUT AND TAKE PICTURES OF IT. EVEN THE BONERS ARE KIND OF SUCKING UP THE JOINT, SO I’MA GO READ [...]
10.19.09 at 1:32 pm