They are in every city, they prey on tourists who refuse to get enough of their “act” and they suck. They are “street statues” People who make a poo-load of money, nay, a shit load of money, to stand still in elaborate costumes loosely based on thirty different semi-identifiable characters.
I met one of these things recently, she went on and on about her theater training and how disciplined you have to be to stand still and all I could think was “look in the mirror and repeat these words, I am a crappy actor and the best acting I have ever done is standing still, not making a sound and trying to convince strangers I am a disciplined actor”
She also mentioned she was looking for a roommate. That makes so much sense it is unholy. These street statues must have a revolving door for the people who move in go “uhhh, that’s what you do?” and never quite finish unpacking.
As a final note of infuriating detail, she makes $500 on good days and is thinking of opening up a school to teach people to stand still. I almost started bleeding from my eyes.
Please, anyone reading this who has a relative with a genetic disposition to being a stupid, money burning tourist; please explain to them that giving these people money is the equivalent of making kiddie porn.
Imagine giving your hard earned cash to any of these following thespians. It would be the equivalent of feeding rats a home cooked meal.
Classic. Keep it up. Good luck with the school.
Ohhhh! Breathtaking… here’s some money!
Awesome get the kids involved! Make them think this is just fine.
Oh my! Barely incredible! I always wondered what someone in orange clothing
and orange make-up would look like. My imagination just isn’t that futile.
Really? Let me guess… you make $10,000 a day.
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funny…but is it more like the feeding rats thing or the kiddie porn thing? i’m unclear.
08.21.09 at 1:32 pm
oh shit.. fuck i love the bottom one
08.21.09 at 1:55 pm
The last one, I would give him my money. That’s too funny.
08.21.09 at 2:16 pm
500 dollars on a good day?
wtffffffffff
08.21.09 at 2:56 pm
let me guess – quebec.
08.21.09 at 3:11 pm
the problem with having a pic taken with somebody standing still is how would you know they were standing still in a pic.?
08.21.09 at 5:25 pm
okay pogi… let’s say they are walking around. Oh, right now you want to give them money.
08.21.09 at 5:40 pm
I have to deal with the Brown Cowboy crowd every time I walk by the Eaton’s centre on Younge Street. Brown Cowboy or Silver Elvis. Always fuels one of those “who’s gonna move around who first?” ordeals.
08.21.09 at 6:34 pm
Beckles – you’re the funniest guy on here.
why? because:
1) you have invented a kind of retarded, but super classy grammar, or way of talking. Nobody sounds like you. Nobody.
2) I can finish reading every single one of your posts without feeling like a worthless piece.
08.21.09 at 6:55 pm
totally agreed. Beckle-juice and D.Nutbutter is Forever.
08.21.09 at 9:19 pm
i took a picture of one of these dudes covered in flowers in barcelona a few years ago, and he both managed to spot me from a distance AND break his cover to scream at me while giving me the finger. not too dedicated to his craft, if you ask me.
08.22.09 at 12:51 pm
you should make a “truth” campaign about this
08.22.09 at 6:32 pm
there’s a copper full body/suit painted marlboro cowboy man in yonge/dundas square area. saw the guy talking to some other dude before his “performance” and his face just looked rife with mental illness and meth, totally sketchbaggy. fast forward ten minutes fat moms are letting their kids pose with him. BARFARFARF
08.23.09 at 12:05 pm
A couple weeks ago at yonge/dundas there were two of them, batman and the joker. But they were right beside a guy who was juggling swords on a 15 foot unicycle, so hopefully they didn’t make any money.
08.23.09 at 9:54 pm
I’m more into street caped crusaders than the statues, the homeless spiderman who hangs out on hollywood blvd in la is pretty insane, he hangs from street level scaffolding with a pair of dirty white Reeboks, underwear sticking out of the back of his costume and a plastic star market bag full of homeless shit.
08.24.09 at 8:17 am
That last one can have my whole wallet.
08.24.09 at 9:37 am
The last one looks like the mental image of an inner city black man that most of conservative America shares.
08.24.09 at 8:04 pm
those pics r hilarbods
08.24.09 at 9:38 pm
what IS up with orange dude????
08.25.09 at 12:01 pm