This shit is so boring I think I’m going to kill myself. Sure it’s fun seeing yourself on a big screen and hearing people laugh but that’s 10 minutes. The rest is a sea of suffering. Every film (in our category) has to have crazy close ups and slow-mo shots and haunting music and little boys looking innocent in the face of danger. There’s also the erotic art film about HIV positive gay blacks making love to each other without condoms. Not sure why that one was in the Shorts section because it appears to be about 300 hours long. Jesus.
Here’s some highlights so far (don’t get your hopes up)…
When I got there, the children who made the movie had accidentally locked themselves out while smoking a joint. They had been freezing their asses off for 45 minutes waiting for me to get there from the airport. I asked them why they didn’t scream for help and they said they did. Bullshit.
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Our movie shines like a diamond in a mountain of shit. Of course, this is a highlight for me not you so…
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Look at this fucking LOSER. When you leave New York you’re introduced to levels of loser you previously didn’t think were possible. What are you supposed to do, go up to him and ask him to take off his headphones and then ask to see a script? Fuck you.
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This was the best part of the trip so far: When I got on the plane I overheard a very drunk CHIEF saying to his Israeli tourist neighbors. “I was just trying to be nice. Sorry!” Then he put his head back, clutched his New York Times and said to the top of the plane: “I was just trying to tell you what a wonderful place Utah is. My God.”
After he fell asleep he started stirring and making some weird mumbling noises. Then he said the following…
“Huuuah!”
“Pretty fair.”
“Fair enough.”
“Oh well, whaddya do? We tried buddy.”
These are his fucking dreams by the way. He’s not wrestling snakes or riding a whale to an orgy. He’s on a conference call with an agent discussing his fledgling career.
“Don’t worry about it, asshole.”
“Motherfucker, I will destroy you.”
“Fuck.”
“Bitch.”
“Aaaah!”
“He makes a good point.”
“Jerkass crackers.”
“OW! MY NOSE HURTS!”
This one was so loud, the stewardess came by to ask him if he was OK. He had no clue what she was talking about. After she left, he turned to his neighbors and said, “What happened to you guys? Aaah, whatever. I feel pain for all you people.”
Then he put his head back and went back to sleep. This led to quotes like…
“My mistake. Aaaaah!”
“Mother!”
“Fuck it. That’s ridiculous. How does that happen to you?”
“Oh we’re so close. So close. So close… WHO CARES!?”
Here he is at baggage claim 6 hours after his drunken ranting. He has no idea what he did. I wonder how many of us have had episodes like that we don’t even remember.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
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“sea of suffering”? who are you, Nick Blinko?
01.17.09 at 1:51 pm
Vids no worky
01.17.09 at 4:14 pm
the missus & i head to ‘tah on monday.. looking forward to catching your short. i went last year for the first time & the shorts collection sucked a fart out my butt & blew it back in my face. and most of the attendees are really difficult people to spend any amount of time around …i feel your pain. if you ski do it, the slopes are dead & ideal.
01.17.09 at 4:44 pm
do you and the missus both shorten a two syllable state name to a one syllable word that sounds even more stupider?
01.17.09 at 5:29 pm
gogogadgetmagnum Says:
01.17.09 at 4:14 pm
Vids no worky
Connor Says:
@ Now-ish pm
Yeah.
01.17.09 at 5:46 pm
and fuck Utah.
01.17.09 at 5:47 pm
post more stuff from sundance!!
01.17.09 at 6:42 pm
Send pictures of hot chicks. Give me something to cling to for the rest of the day…please?
01.17.09 at 7:20 pm
Did I really just say, “hot chicks?”
01.17.09 at 7:21 pm
poo
01.17.09 at 7:47 pm
so those kids are the last picture guys? so young
01.17.09 at 8:59 pm
or maybe Im so old
01.17.09 at 9:02 pm
hate it when my name appears as the default after you posted a comment so I..
01.17.09 at 9:04 pm
weed screws your blood circulation making you cold as shit even when you’re under a blanket on your skidly couch watching the teev, ha those poor losers.
01.17.09 at 9:08 pm
Gavin, you’re at the wrong festival-
http://www.tromadance.com/
01.18.09 at 1:27 am
oh my god they look like kittens.
01.18.09 at 2:28 am
GAVIN I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REALIZE THIS BUT YOU RUN A WEBSITE. YOU COULD HAVE, YOU KNOW, SOLD YOUR MOVIE TO US MORONS WHO BROWSE THIS SITE FOR LIKE $15 EACH AS A DOWNLOAD INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR TIME TRUDGING OUT TO SUNDANCE.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE GONE TO A BUGGYWHIP CONVENTION.
01.18.09 at 2:37 am
Buggywhip convention?
01.18.09 at 6:58 am
what, you guys don’t call new york, ‘ork?
01.18.09 at 10:31 am
Holy christ, Gavin looks like shit! Must be all that fresh mountain air and lack of booze
01.18.09 at 11:45 am
Man, this shit is gay.
01.18.09 at 6:34 pm
fuck off, that stuff about the drunk guy sleeptalking on the plane is fucking gold.
“So close. So close… WHO CARES!?” i fucking love that shit
01.18.09 at 6:56 pm
That guy who is selling screenplays and dancing… can I have one swing at him with a machete?
01.19.09 at 12:41 am
uh… where’s the Empire Systems?
01.19.09 at 1:11 am
This film looks funny. What I saw reminds me a little of the Jerky Boys phone call to the proctologist.
When can we watch the hole film?
01.19.09 at 10:55 am
[...] Film Festival. This looks like the funniest shit ever. Read about what’s been going on here (honestly take a look), or have a video catch-up [...]
01.19.09 at 4:33 pm
HAHAHHA STONED COLD AHHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Oh Gavin. i had a conversation about you with my boyfriend. This is what happened.
Me:”Do you know Gavin?”
Bf:”Yea, he spit in my face!!!”
i laughed foooreeevvveeer after that
01.19.09 at 6:40 pm