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Jay Johnston is the funniest motherfucker I’ve ever met. One time, I picked him up at the airport in St Marten and we couldn’t get out of the parking lot. It was the worst designed thing ever made so Jay goes, “This was actually designed by the world’s first blind architect. His name was Williard P. Nillard but his friends called him Willy Nilly.” He was always annoyed by how cheap I am and once while politely opening a door for me it got stuck halfway. “Sorry, I’m cheap too,” he said.
Last time I saw him in LA I got mad that everyone was watching the stupid basketball game. I kept protesting and eventually he goes, “Look, if you were as good at criticizing basketball as they are at playing it, I’d listen to you but you’re not so shut up.” Another time I slammed a door and he goes, “Take it easy Slammy Davis Jr.” My wife’s favorite Jay quote was when he woke up super hungover and said, “Ugh, I wish I had sunglasses for my whole body.” He’s also the president of the “boy are my arms tired” club (see below).
Anyway, his spit-take is on the Comedy Central blog today.
And finally, what many think is the greatest Mr. Show sketch of all time:
OK, not finally. This is finally. From before…
1- I just flew back from a Transformers convention and boy are my arms tires.
2- Ziggy Marley just flew back from his mansion in Jamaica and boy are his alarms wired.
3- I just flew back from watching Withnail & I and boy… I know you’re awake boy.
4- I just flew back from Mardi Gras and boy are my tits tired.
5- The Pick Up Artist just flew back from quicksand and boy were his charms mired.
6- Barack just flew back from Iraq and boy are his armies tired.
7- I just flew back from a Spaghetti-O’s convention and boy-r-dees arms tired.
8- I just flew back from a pedophile’s fisting convention and boys are my arms’ attire.
9- A 65-year-old arm wrestler just flew back from his last match and boy are his arms retired.
10- I just flew back from a Nazi rally and boy is my arm tired.
11- I just flew back from a tattoo convention and boy am I tired of my arms.
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he’s funnier than you, everyone, god, anything.
02.11.10 at 11:50 am
PS- i just poo’d out last night’s indian take out, and boy is my anus on bloody fire.
02.11.10 at 11:53 am
Blind architect? Slammy Davis, Jr? Boy are my arms tired….?
Good thing Henny Youngman is dead because he could never match up with this sharp witted young man.
02.11.10 at 12:41 pm
jay johnson > jack johnson
02.11.10 at 12:52 pm
i dont get the fire hydrant jokes
02.11.10 at 1:41 pm
I just rode back from the beastliality conference, and boy is my horse sired.
02.11.10 at 1:42 pm
He had me at “Slammy Davis Jr.” and “Boys are my arms’ attire”.
02.11.10 at 1:52 pm
reciting jokes someone told is always hilarious.. no its not
02.11.10 at 2:08 pm
His face in the Red Ballon sketch is hilarious.
02.11.10 at 2:24 pm
Why repost the arms tired jokes? I don’t get it.
Also haha “beastliality”
02.11.10 at 2:55 pm
that IS the greatest Mr. Show Sketch of all time. It’s a fact.
02.11.10 at 3:13 pm
haha Too Old Rockabilly Gay, you would know how to spell it! PS way to correct people on a comment board fecal breath!
Too Old Rockabilly Guy just got back from shooting a bukkake scene, and boy is his mom’s mouth tired.
02.11.10 at 3:36 pm
dude one time i smoked soooo much weed…
02.11.10 at 3:38 pm
i keep posting blogs about human secretion and boy is my website tired.
02.11.10 at 3:51 pm
He’s not even the funniest fucker who speaks English, I know this Kenyan dude who tells wicked “Your Mama” jokes in Swahili. Lugha moja haitoshi, dicksmack.
02.11.10 at 4:02 pm
Everyone should love Jay Johnston. If you don’t you’re an idiot. Why is he not on every TV show ever?
02.11.10 at 4:26 pm
also: lololllllin@ boy.. I know you’re awake boy
02.11.10 at 4:28 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6BvdpR6V3g
Go to :49. Fucking hilarious.
02.11.10 at 5:14 pm
oh man…bad move!
you posted up one of the greatest things you did while at vice!
way to go and remind us!
02.11.10 at 6:45 pm
You know what I really hate? Is strangers that are way too positive and happy and nice. I’m usually thinking like “what the fucks wrong with you dude?” And I start acting like a hound dog’s ears picking up a weird sound that nobody else can hear yet. And when the stuff gets too nice-n-slaphappy in my own skin, I tend to take on the “way too positive and happy and nice stranger” as an open invitation to surf on their all-too-giving love.. and guess what? They get all scared and shut up like I’m some crazed bum.
WTF?
Sometimes if I’m somewhere and see the slap-happy-shitz going full on between two people or a group I may get that groovy urge, I’m like “oh shit, check it out. And when I try and join in, its the same fucking thing.
I’m starting to think that I may be better off as a sociopath.
02.11.10 at 7:57 pm
I will plagiarize every single one of these.
02.11.10 at 9:48 pm
never heard of him
02.11.10 at 10:34 pm
I thought that pic was kenny hotz at first.
02.11.10 at 11:58 pm
Jay Johnston is the only reason to watch the Sarah Silverman Show.
02.12.10 at 12:14 am
there’s been a drought in ghana and boy are its farms dire.
02.12.10 at 12:58 am
Can’t say “there’s been a drought” like that. It has to include “just flew back” and include something that sounds like, “And boy are my arms tired.” Basically you have to get a rhyming dictionary and find every possible variation of “arms” and “tired.”
02.12.10 at 10:43 am