Ladies and gentlemen, welcome; to the first annual Harvey Milk Memorial Gayest Celebrity Twitter Awards. One of the magnificent aspects of Twitter is its ability to unite so many talented celebrities, from so many disciplines and so many corners of the globe, and bring them together to strive toward achieving a positive public perception. It’s a medium that breaks down boundaries of ethnicity, class, and nationality, and unites them all on a level playing field of gayness.
Tonight, we come together to celebrate outstanding achievement in the field of faggotry, and to recognize the queerest Tweets in our industry.
And now, without further ado, the envelopes please:
Number 10 belongs to Rock Royalty Billy Corgan:
For a guy who built his career on pretending to be depressed, the Academy recognizes this Tweet as an impressively large cockwad of tie-dyed hippie jizoff.
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Number 9 goes out to unlikely candidate Miley Cyrus:
Here at the Academy we’ve tried to resist awarding professionally gay Twitterers like Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, or Clay Aiken – GAY tweets mean so much more when they’re coming from celebrities who try NOT to be gay. However, we absolutely had to make an exception here – this tweet made our balls shrink so bad that we just couldn’t pass it over.
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Number 8 is awarded to Star Trek Wunderkind Wil Wheaton:
No matter how much money your son has Ms. Wheaton, it seems as though you’ve failed. Little more time on the B-Ball courts, little less time on Spock’s hoo-haw.
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Number 7 belongs to technical guitar phenom Dave Navarro:
…and it’s never a bad day for a buttcock!
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Number 6 goes out to Lesbian Activist Samantha Ronson:
Hard to imagine what her and Lindsay ever saw in each other; I guess opposites attract.
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Number 5 is bestowed upon Lucky Motherfucker DJ AM:
Too soon?
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Number 4 goes to heroic survivor Lance Armstrong:
…and endless numbered penis on the brain.
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Number 3 belongs to NIN Tribute Band Leader Trent Reznor:
How about Philadelphia?
Number 2 is a TIE! Too close to call, ladies and gentlemen:
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The First part goes to the edgy, underground thinker Alyssa Milano:
…and the second goes to edgy underground late-night host Jimmy Fallon:
If he were here tonight, Harvey would be beaming with pride at both of your achievements.
And the Number One Harvey Milk Memorial Gayest Twitter Award goes to….. DIDDY! For his brilliant work in the field of self-importance and Christian Evangelism:
Like other religious leaders, The Priest of Twitter has got a direct line to god – and like others with this privilege, Diddy uses it exclusively to bless and protect his followers.
See you in 2010! Thank you very much and good night!
Follow Blognigger
on Twitter.
PS: Open Mic is back on this weekend. We won’t be putting up just anything though so try to deliver something more than 7 people would want to read. Send submissions to sbtvc(and then the “at” symbol)streetcarnage.com.
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STOP TALKING ABOUT TWITTER JUST LET IT DIE SLOWLY LIKE GOD INTENDED. but the trent reznor one was funny.
05.20.09 at 12:26 pm
Heidie Montag’s twitter is filled with missed @’s and misspelled double posts. Couple of weeks ago someone made a fake twitter for Dina Lohan and it was kind of funny… unlike this blog post
05.20.09 at 12:27 pm
Billy corgan is such a fucking faggot
05.20.09 at 12:58 pm
uninspired.
and this exists in a vacuum.
05.20.09 at 1:12 pm
“May all there dreams come true!!”
Where?
05.20.09 at 1:19 pm
yeah, i’ll go with the reznor one too. fucking tool.
05.20.09 at 1:21 pm
Ok I will own up to being a Pumpkins fan. But Billy Corgan wins gayest faggot of all time award for this shit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryYcyt8FPlg
05.20.09 at 1:26 pm
UNSUBSCRIBE. JK BN!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million times: “Dave is spending his money on scabies cream.”
05.20.09 at 1:30 pm
Looks like Street Chanage has AIDS again. Pool’s Closed.
05.20.09 at 3:04 pm
WELL EVER SENSE I GOT ON BORED THE TWITTER TRAIN MY SPLIT-TALE RATIO HAS GONE UP 100% INCREASEING ABOTU TEN-FOLD, SO MISTER ‘BOB FARTER’ CAN SAY IT EXCISTS IN A VACCUM WELL I AM ASKING YOU, HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SEXUAL EXPERIANCE INSIDE A VACCUM??? WELL ITS QUIET EXILIRHATING, WITH ALL THE WIND BLOWING UP YOU’RE INNER-THIGH’S.
WELL ANY WAYS I ALL WAYS SAY DO’NT KNOCK IT TILL YOU HAVE TRY IT, WELL UNLESS ITS ‘THE BOOTS’ WHICH I WELL KNOCK AT THE FIRST OPPURTUNITY IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [WHICH I THINK YOU DO]
05.20.09 at 3:15 pm
Man, celebrities are such vapid twats, their world can crumble at any moment.
OH AND TWITTER SUCKS.
05.20.09 at 3:28 pm
who gives two fucks about these people, or even the dumb things they say?
05.20.09 at 3:48 pm
just a normal guy (the original) is blognigger fa realz
05.20.09 at 3:55 pm
And white people using black slang iz da bizzle. Not at all depressing, yo.
05.20.09 at 5:03 pm
i like your stuff, but your obsession with twitter is kind of boring.
05.20.09 at 5:07 pm
i saw Twitter and said fuck it-not reading it. looks like it was too long anyway.
05.20.09 at 5:34 pm
“How about Philadelphia?” shit like that is the reason I keep coming back to my beloved streetcarnage.
05.20.09 at 5:47 pm
ram jam – black betty
05.20.09 at 7:17 pm
Ram Jam!
Ram Jam!
Ram Jam!
05.20.09 at 7:37 pm
I’d sign a petition to see jimmy fucking fallon have his motherfucking teeth kicked in.
05.20.09 at 8:42 pm
I am begining to belleve that Mist. Blognigger is suffer from mental disorders. I laugh a million lives of laugh.
05.20.09 at 11:11 pm
TWITTER – Where Fame goes to die.
Can’t wait for the new breed to say “What the fucks an Ashton Kootcher?”
Tweeter ain’t got no spellcheck! This is shit is too LIVE, too REAL. ask Scott Baio.
05.20.09 at 11:11 pm
Ha – notice the Freudian “This is shit ..”
05.20.09 at 11:12 pm
the ones who call “gay” are consistently at the helm of the love boat. how fabulous!
05.21.09 at 1:42 am
That dj am shit is raw
05.21.09 at 6:10 am
jimmy fallon caused me to loose faith in TV for real this time
05.21.09 at 10:36 am
If the LOSER’s noose is too LOOSE it might slip off his head.
05.21.09 at 2:14 pm
This would have been better if Athens were in the mix to deafen your ass.
05.21.09 at 6:14 pm