1980s SKATEBOARDING MOVES IN
Though skateboarding grew into popularity in the 1970s, it took until the 80s and 90s for it to become part of the corporate cool vernacular. Today it is almost impossible to see a candy or breakfast cereal mascot without a skateboard under his furry, cartoon feet.
This became a problem when juxtaposed with the Marlon Brando version of cool The Fonz had created. Outside of borderline retards like Duane Peters, it just doesn’t make sense to ride a skateboard with a motorcycle jacket on. This awkward collision continued for about a decade until the next generation’s Fonz took over.

1990s WHEN RAP TOOK OVER
When The Fresh Prince of Bel Air came out in 1990 kids were already sick of trying to understand what a bunch of angry old wops were trying to yell at them. Early rap was upbeat and young and had absolutely nothing to do with grown up stuff like motorbikes and rock & roll. Besides, you could comfortably ride a skateboard with a sideways baseball hat and a graffiti tee.

2007 OH HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN
The Guidos of Flatbush should have known their zenith was doomed from the start. A tiny, irrelevant demographic can only dominate the cereal boxes for so long. In 2007 kids see working class Italians from Brooklyn as the thick-headed oafs they really are. For example, when Vanessa Williams played the Queen of Trash on Sesame Street recently, the only Fonz-like voices you heard were from the visibly slow guards who could barely speak their mother tongue. Check the beginning of the above clip when Joey Cauldron-head says, “He said the J word.”

THE FUTURE OF COOL
Of course, the world’s vision of rap has evolved from it’s happy-go-lucky roots to a world where n-words shoot people in the cunt. Tony Hawk has managed to keep skateboards in the kid’s aisle but we need music and a movie or two to really solidify the deal. What will be the next, tiny, New York demographic that appeals to young peoples’ inherent distrust of those who say, “You’re grounded”? Personally, I’m putting my money on the Polacks from Greenpoint. They’ve got the music. They’ve got their own distinct look. They probably have tons of movies and, as we’ve learned from history, they’re just so stupid it might work.

(part 1, part 2)

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