Comments on: THE TALK: WHEN IS IT TIME TO START THINKING ABOUT BABIES? http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/ STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:31:30 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Leah http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-419796 Leah Fri, 01 Apr 2011 19:14:53 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-419796 OK. The anecdotes here aren't helping. Before I begin another rant on the paucity of scientific and statistical literacy among this readership, and among Americans in general, let's reiterate that just because it happened to someone you know doesn't make it "likely" or a "trend." (That's called an availability heuristic, and it's a common but fallacious way of thinking.) But "The Talk" and your cousin's "wisdom" (would love to know what her credentials are, btw) are just as specious. The fact is that it isn't "over" for women over 35 when it comes to having children. It is complicated, it is harder, and it carries more risks than having children in your 20s. James Goldfarb, director of IVF at the Cleveland Clinic, says that "At age 35 or 36, many women need only minor, if any, medical intervention to get pregnant, but by the time they're ready for their next child, say at 39, those same medications are less likely to work." And of course the risk of Downs is equal to the risk of miscarriage due to amniocentesis testing at age 35, so that's a major consideration for many couples. But please don't contribute to the baby hysteria for women over 30 who want to be a parent. Yes, many older women opt (or should) to adopt or use donor eggs. Yes, evolution didn't get the memo about me wanting to go to college and have a career. But it's also a terrible decision to marry prematurely and have a child before you're ready just because you're worried you won't be able to later on. There are, if I can toss out a radical idea, millions of children globally whose 12-, 13- and 14-year-old mothers can't look after them and have given then up for adoption. If being a parent is really what you're after (and not just being pregnant), then adoption is a more valid option than getting married and dumping out kids because the biological clock haunts you with its relentless ticking. OK. The anecdotes here aren’t helping. Before I begin another rant on the paucity of scientific and statistical literacy among this readership, and among Americans in general, let’s reiterate that just because it happened to someone you know doesn’t make it “likely” or a “trend.” (That’s called an availability heuristic, and it’s a common but fallacious way of thinking.) But “The Talk” and your cousin’s “wisdom” (would love to know what her credentials are, btw) are just as specious. The fact is that it isn’t “over” for women over 35 when it comes to having children. It is complicated, it is harder, and it carries more risks than having children in your 20s. James Goldfarb, director of IVF at the Cleveland Clinic, says that “At age 35 or 36, many women need only minor, if any, medical intervention to get pregnant, but by the time they’re ready for their next child, say at 39, those same medications are less likely to work.” And of course the risk of Downs is equal to the risk of miscarriage due to amniocentesis testing at age 35, so that’s a major consideration for many couples. But please don’t contribute to the baby hysteria for women over 30 who want to be a parent. Yes, many older women opt (or should) to adopt or use donor eggs. Yes, evolution didn’t get the memo about me wanting to go to college and have a career. But it’s also a terrible decision to marry prematurely and have a child before you’re ready just because you’re worried you won’t be able to later on. There are, if I can toss out a radical idea, millions of children globally whose 12-, 13- and 14-year-old mothers can’t look after them and have given then up for adoption. If being a parent is really what you’re after (and not just being pregnant), then adoption is a more valid option than getting married and dumping out kids because the biological clock haunts you with its relentless ticking.

]]> By: skippy http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-155197 skippy Thu, 18 Feb 2010 01:55:08 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-155197 A friend forwarded this to me, and I don't know who you are, but you are hilarious. I'm 34, happily married for 2 years, no kids, and I live in SF. I couldn't agree more about men that string women along throughout their 20's & the women who are too chicken to end those relationships. I met my husband within weeks of a breakup and we were married w/in 3 months. He's out there, girls, but you gotta keep looking. Anyway, I know that I should try to get preggers if I want one, as I told him when we got married, 'the eggs are getting old' - my two sisters did have a combined total of 3 kids after the age of 35, though - in fact, my 39 y.o. sister is pregnant right now - a total accident (again). Who the hell knows anymore ... A friend forwarded this to me, and I don’t know who you are, but you are hilarious. I’m 34, happily married for 2 years, no kids, and I live in SF. I couldn’t agree more about men that string women along throughout their 20’s & the women who are too chicken to end those relationships. I met my husband within weeks of a breakup and we were married w/in 3 months. He’s out there, girls, but you gotta keep looking. Anyway, I know that I should try to get preggers if I want one, as I told him when we got married, ‘the eggs are getting old’ – my two sisters did have a combined total of 3 kids after the age of 35, though – in fact, my 39 y.o. sister is pregnant right now – a total accident (again). Who the hell knows anymore …

]]> By: b http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-114831 b Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:39:28 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-114831 oh man. i better get crackin. 25 --- maybe got mr. right? no ring yet. i guess i have to push back our kids date to 29 to be sure -- it was originally planned for 30. oh man. i better get crackin. 25 — maybe got mr. right? no ring yet. i guess i have to push back our kids date to 29 to be sure — it was originally planned for 30.

]]> By: STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » CAN WE GET SOME MISOGYNY UP IN THIS BITCH? http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-114393 STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » CAN WE GET SOME MISOGYNY UP IN THIS BITCH? Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:25:05 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-114393 [...] not to fall into the parent trap or the kitchen jail they have single sex in the city until their ovaries dry up and they feel like worthless, lonely, pieces of shit (“No I’m not. I’m a [...] [...] not to fall into the parent trap or the kitchen jail they have single sex in the city until their ovaries dry up and they feel like worthless, lonely, pieces of shit (“No I’m not. I’m a [...]

]]> By: STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » ANNOUNCING: MY DAD HOMIES http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-91981 STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » ANNOUNCING: MY DAD HOMIES Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:02:04 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-91981 [...] we’ve already established life goes in stages. Most of you are in the 20 to 30 stage which is so fucking fun it seems like the be all and end [...] [...] we’ve already established life goes in stages. Most of you are in the 20 to 30 stage which is so fucking fun it seems like the be all and end [...]

]]> By: Tune a Tin http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-63326 Tune a Tin Fri, 01 May 2009 06:40:03 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-63326 I didn't read the article but I think this lady agrees: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry and I didn't read this one either but I think this lady talking about that articles doesn't: http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/blog/joseyvogels/3897/feeling-unsettled I didn’t read the article but I think this lady agrees: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
and I didn’t read this one either but I think this lady talking about that articles doesn’t: http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/blog/joseyvogels/3897/feeling-unsettled

]]> By: Anonymous http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-44001 Anonymous Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:34:27 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-44001 YOU ARE A CUNT. THANKS FOR RUINING MY NIGHT. YOU ARE A CUNT. THANKS FOR RUINING MY NIGHT.

]]> By: Even When the Dow Drops 300 Points, I’ll Still Blog « the media nerd http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-42720 Even When the Dow Drops 300 Points, I’ll Still Blog « the media nerd Wed, 18 Feb 2009 02:30:45 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-42720 [...] marry until their mid to late 40s and they’d like to do it with a twenty-something, not you. So, if you’re in New York in your late 20s and you’re still manless, get the fuck outta Dodge.” (Thanks Megan & [...] [...] marry until their mid to late 40s and they’d like to do it with a twenty-something, not you. So, if you’re in New York in your late 20s and you’re still manless, get the fuck outta Dodge.” (Thanks Megan & [...]

]]> By: mariah http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-42584 mariah Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:16:24 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-42584 You're not completely wrong, but you're not completely right. Mainly: 1) Your age range is wrong. 35 is when things start going south, and then 40 is when you're probably screwed. 2) Family matters: If fertility is easy in your family, it probably will be with you too. In my family the ladies get pregnant just by looking at baby pictures. I got knocked up despite using protection at the ripe age of 34. But I know others in their late 30s who's families are not so fertile who are "trying." What is true though is that you have to give yourself five years to find a husband (assuming you're not with him already), and you have to be a little brutal about it. When I turned 30, I stopped going on dates with anyone who wasn't decent marriage material, I edited my dealbreaker list, and I decided to break up with anyone who hadn't asked by one year in. If you give yourself five years, that gives you, max, five boyfriends, and probably more like 3-4. I luckily met my husband right after I made this decision, and he was smart enough to ask me before I dumped him. I'm grateful that I had the luxury of knowing that it was him and not just the clock, since I had a few more years before it really had to happen. Also, you're spot on about NYC. My lady friends here are amazing, and still unable to get hitched. It's really weird, and I find myself telling them they should consider dating outside the city. Boston is also difficult. (and, obviously, this only applies if you want kids. Not everyone does. I just had my first and it was terrible, but got better after a while.) You’re not completely wrong, but you’re not completely right. Mainly:

1) Your age range is wrong. 35 is when things start going south, and then 40 is when you’re probably screwed.
2) Family matters: If fertility is easy in your family, it probably will be with you too. In my family the ladies get pregnant just by looking at baby pictures. I got knocked up despite using protection at the ripe age of 34. But I know others in their late 30s who’s families are not so fertile who are “trying.”

What is true though is that you have to give yourself five years to find a husband (assuming you’re not with him already), and you have to be a little brutal about it. When I turned 30, I stopped going on dates with anyone who wasn’t decent marriage material, I edited my dealbreaker list, and I decided to break up with anyone who hadn’t asked by one year in. If you give yourself five years, that gives you, max, five boyfriends, and probably more like 3-4. I luckily met my husband right after I made this decision, and he was smart enough to ask me before I dumped him. I’m grateful that I had the luxury of knowing that it was him and not just the clock, since I had a few more years before it really had to happen.

Also, you’re spot on about NYC. My lady friends here are amazing, and still unable to get hitched. It’s really weird, and I find myself telling them they should consider dating outside the city. Boston is also difficult.

(and, obviously, this only applies if you want kids. Not everyone does. I just had my first and it was terrible, but got better after a while.)

]]> By: The Jackson 5 are no longer my friends and business associates » One Star Watt http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/the-talk-when-is-it-time-to-start-thinking-about-babies/comment-page-4/#comment-42363 The Jackson 5 are no longer my friends and business associates » One Star Watt Mon, 16 Feb 2009 22:10:28 +0000 http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/?p=6550#comment-42363 [...] This article about having babies is depressing. Ladies, please don’t hate me for linking to it. My four-year-old niece (niece-in-law?) wants to “poop out” some babies right now. She and her friends sometimes play “pregnant 16-year-olds.” Maybe she’s on the right track. The hourglass turns upside down at 30. If you get one in at 34, you’re probably not going to have another. If you are happily married at 30 you are most likely going to get 2 in but know that you JUST made it under the wire. That means you have to stop fucking around and start to care who you’re fucking right after 25. [...] [...] This article about having babies is depressing. Ladies, please don’t hate me for linking to it. My four-year-old niece (niece-in-law?) wants to “poop out” some babies right now. She and her friends sometimes play “pregnant 16-year-olds.” Maybe she’s on the right track. The hourglass turns upside down at 30. If you get one in at 34, you’re probably not going to have another. If you are happily married at 30 you are most likely going to get 2 in but know that you JUST made it under the wire. That means you have to stop fucking around and start to care who you’re fucking right after 25. [...]

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