Many of my guy buddies follow a double standard: they aim for the good girl to “wife” it up with and bring home for Three Kings Day, and later they cheat on her with their “slut” of choice. Why? They found a good girl they can trust, but those “ew” faces with the scrunched up nose she makes during head is a mood killer. So they call the girl who doesn’t need to be asked twice about face shots. Let’s face it: those bitches know how to get down, which is what makes it fun.
So this double standard exists and I have no problems with it. Why try to fight to fight the system? If anything, don’t ask questions. Just do, as in live your life. People will judge you no matter what because it’s a great way to kill some time. Sure sometimes after a harsh breakup the ex-boyfriend will text me “whore” at 10 PM and it stings a teeny weeny bit (nothing that a little Neosporin can’t take care of), but at 2:34 AM my “Lana” gets taken care of.
So what makes a slut a slut? Eh, I don’t know. Having sex with someone 23 minutes after meeting them? Not using jimmy hats? The willingness to have sex with a taken man? A fight between two dumb broads? Maybe the word only exists because it isn’t that difficult for a chick to get laid, and guys are just jealous. Well the way I see it, a slut is someone who has an exorbitant amount of sex and relishes it. I figure it’s sort of like learning how to read; you start off with children’s books and work your way up until you handle Finnegans Wake.
Why is that most guys go for the girls that are virginal or remind them of mommy? Who really gives a shit? And don’t confuse those girls with the hoes on the low. These poor guys, they’re most likely having shitty sex, trying to teach the chick how to do it proper. I can see why they make good “wifey” material: they don’t look like cheaters and the non-existence of a bad rep puts the guy’s mind at ease. And of course sex isn’t everything in a relationship, yet with the invention of Cialias and Viagra it’s become everything to look forward to.
Sluts should embrace the fact that they like sex and are good at it. Be proud of it. Brag a little. How many girls can say they enjoy the backwards cowboy or actually talk about how good you are to her Lana? (Everyone has a nickname for their junk, right?) Also, sluts can turn on their chemistry with anyone, which leads to that “oh jesus” intensity. Oh, the flashbacks of awkward first-time-with-that-guy sex. If only I had tapped into my inner slut. Eh, I’ll just blame it on his pencil dick.
Now sluts can range from gorgeous to hideous, it just really depends on how desperate the guy is or on his fetish. The many girls I’ve heard called a slut (by both men and women) still do get their credit for being good in the sack–“Yo, that girl is such a slut, but I would do her again.” And there he goes calling her again. If only she was “wifey” material. Still, he’s going to continue to hit her up for more amazing sex.
No matter what, sluts still have feelings. So when the slut actually brings up that whole “So what are we?” question, you better settle down. Feel special because out of all the dicks that she’s ridden and sucked she decided yours was the best. Feel special. Her number might range in the high 70s and your dick is the one she chose.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
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great MAXIM article. keep it up.
07.22.09 at 11:06 am
Let’s start a charity for nasty girls
07.22.09 at 11:14 am
Yeah, all this makes total sense in Little Italy, circa 1961.
07.22.09 at 11:25 am
This piece is well-written and dead-on. God bless you child.
07.22.09 at 11:25 am
lmao @ JuCIFER
07.22.09 at 11:40 am
tired of the bullshit stigma that dudes are teaching women how to “fuck” “good” hello we learned everything from magazines when we were 12, nice try.
07.22.09 at 11:47 am
Holy shit, awful article. For everyone that wants to spare themselves, here is the rundown;
1. Guys cheat but you shouldn’t give a fuck.
2. Aileen doesn’t give a fuck, she’s hard.
3. What makes a slut?
4. Guys aim to have sex with girls that look like their mothers (Wait, what?) and cialis and viagara made sex more crucial to relationships?
5. Girls should like sex and brag about it.
6. Sluts can be on a scale from 1-10 but if you’re good at fucking it doesn’t matter.
7. Sluts still have feelings though so don’t be mean? (Doesn’t this go against everything this article established in the first six paragraphs? Yes — yes it does)
Postal Script,
Is the “backwards cowboy” some homosexual term for the equivelant of the hetero “Reverese Cowgirl”?
07.22.09 at 12:17 pm
…. i’ll find my wife at a swinger party, find a slut at a barnes and nobles, and ill find a good friend in a lesbiann.
3 cheers for jezebels with good moral standards,
but even mary magdalen fell in love with a miracle here and there,
as long as your good company. to all. pussy comes easy. love doesnt.
if all else fails…….grow a beard.
07.22.09 at 12:31 pm
Unhhh … so girls have a hole down there?
07.22.09 at 12:48 pm
My Lana reads jezebel, too.
07.22.09 at 1:13 pm
Don’t you read Texts From Last Night? This shit already happened years ago.
07.22.09 at 1:26 pm
Although it is common knowledge that you can’t turn a ho into a housewife, it is acheiveable. I myself prefer a slut, becuase you don’t have to teach her anything regarding the dick, slthough I can’t speak for things around the house.
07.22.09 at 1:33 pm
This is so stupid and horribly written. “How many girls can say they enjoy backwards cowboy?” Ughhh
07.22.09 at 1:36 pm
lmao, If this is supposed to be a parody, it’s hilarious.
07.22.09 at 1:43 pm
$20 says Aileen is french.
07.22.09 at 1:53 pm
I prefer cumming on a good girl’s face.
07.22.09 at 1:57 pm
GREAT FUCKING ARTICLE, LETS FLAP OUR PUSSY LIPS IN THE AIR LIKE TERODACTYLE WINGS LIKE WE JUST DON’T CARE!
Whether it was said before or not, it definitely needed to reiterated! My favorite line: “Maybe the word only exists because it isn’t that difficult for a chick to get laid, and guys are just jealous.” JEALOUS! <3
BOTTOM LINE = SEX SELLS & MEN ARE OUR LOYAL CUSTOMERS
~
…but what about the girls like _____ who play the slutty role but don’t put out?! i suppose thats the “lady in the sheets but a freak in the streets” no-no. LOL! =X
P.S. DON’T HATE, PENCIL DICKS!! lmao.
07.22.09 at 2:11 pm
mother disagrees.
07.22.09 at 2:24 pm
Garbage.
07.22.09 at 2:35 pm
It doesn’t matter how you go about it, but in a world of sluts… gotta keep the wet dream alive.
07.22.09 at 2:35 pm
So you settled for a slide- great job.
07.22.09 at 2:50 pm
good article.
07.22.09 at 3:09 pm
This has to be parody.
07.22.09 at 3:31 pm
I have never abandoned reading something so quickly. Clearly written by someone who feels like a slut, but who fashions herself otherwise. Comparing virginal women to Mothers? Who does that? Jesus?
07.22.09 at 3:46 pm
i’m allergic to trite, couldnt get beyond sentence 2
07.22.09 at 5:07 pm
Ranging in the high 70s and picking me wouldn’t make me feel special at all. Apparently it means i didn’t treat the whore enough like a worthless piece of shit. To me that’s a failure on my part.
You sound like the type of person that moves through life so fast that you don’t let anyone be important enough to you for their opinion to matter. And the reason for this is because no one can have respect for someone like you.
Yes, the most pathetic men are jealous. Personally, I don’t use the word slut or call a girl out for being the whore that all women are deep down.
There’s no real point to this article other than to provide a look into a convoluted and fucked up mind.
I have no problem with people who act as they are, I have problems with people who hide what they are or try to lie to themselves.
This little expose seems to try to glorify whores. And btw making jokes about small dicks constantly is of extremely poor taste, even poorer than the overall tone.
You think your small tits don’t leave something to be desired? Most men however are considerate and don’t call you out on it, they wouldn’t even dream of making jokes about it. As much of a whorebag you may be, there are some things we won’t say.
PS we can tell when you’ve had a lot of sex recently. Pussies really do stretch. It’s not a myth. WE CAN TELL. and it’s disgusting.
07.22.09 at 5:36 pm
^^^HURRAY FOR BREVITY
07.22.09 at 5:58 pm
this is hilarious.
07.22.09 at 6:03 pm
the high 70’s? hilarious.
07.22.09 at 6:04 pm
i didnt read all this shit cuz its too long, but I believe Ludacris solved this conudrum when he said he wanted a lady on the street and a freak in the bed. YEAH!
07.22.09 at 7:28 pm
categorizing all women using this madonna-whore dichotomy bullshit is offensive, but mostly really stupid
07.22.09 at 7:36 pm
I liked it. At least she’s having some fun instead of marinating in some week old corpse juice.
07.22.09 at 8:13 pm
Apollo: “And btw making jokes about small dicks constantly is of extremely poor taste…”
I think we got us here one of them needle dicks.
07.22.09 at 8:15 pm
If young black men can refer to each other as “nigga” why can’t young sex loving ladies refer to each other as “sluts” ? Let’s turn around a horrible reference and make it wholesome again.
Let’s start a slutastic revolution!!!!
07.22.09 at 8:19 pm
I think that Arv might be interested in this article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm
07.22.09 at 8:20 pm
Germ:
Arv is a Paki, find an article that relates to Paki’s instead so it’s an actual burn. Jeez.
07.22.09 at 8:28 pm
i believe that you have forgotten the bitches…
07.22.09 at 8:29 pm
there’s a diff?
07.22.09 at 8:43 pm
I have a true problem: I look like a midwestern apple pie swedish farm girl and have class, education and good breeding– but you wouldnt believe how depraved I am i bed. I hate being treated like an innocent idiot who’s never been spanked, but I dont care to be a loudmouthed asshole and talk about dicks all day to people I just met. How do I get the point across??
07.22.09 at 9:03 pm
similar to @soulsonic:
What if you fuck like a champion but are monogamous?
07.22.09 at 10:45 pm
thumbs down
07.22.09 at 11:19 pm
there are girls who arent sluts and who arent marriage material, what then
(wifeys love reverse cowgirl)
07.23.09 at 1:17 am
“No matter what, sluts still have feelings. So when the slut actually brings up that whole “So what are we?” question, you better settle down. Feel special because out of all the dicks that she’s ridden and sucked she decided yours was the best. Feel special. Her number might range in the high 70s and your dick is the one she chose.”
This happened to me but that bitch was crazy
07.23.09 at 1:34 am
“PS we can tell when you’ve had a lot of sex recently. Pussies really do stretch. It’s not a myth. WE CAN TELL. and it’s disgusting.”
mother agrees.
07.23.09 at 1:54 am
This post is gay.
07.23.09 at 1:59 am
No backwards cowgirl = no ring.
07.23.09 at 6:05 am
This is like a men’s fantasy where the girl lets him watch football all day while primping around wearing just his favorite team’s jersey. Then at halftime, she has wild 15 minute sex with him untilthe the start of the third quarter when goes into the kitchen and prepares pizza and beer for the second half. There are lots of hot women that do that all weekend, right?
07.23.09 at 8:50 am
@ Germ
I don’t have to hunt through news sources to find proof of your microphallus, the fact that you’re so insecure that you’ll take time out of your day to rummage through the BBC to find a burn speaks volumes.
07.23.09 at 9:49 am
But I didn’t hunt through news sources to find a burn. I remembered that article from a while back and googled it: “Indian men penises too small for international condoms BBC.” It took a minute. Maybe you shouldn’t talk shit about people’s dick sizes if you don’t want people smacking back. Did you ever consider that?
07.23.09 at 10:05 am
Aileen,
You wanna fuck?
07.23.09 at 10:31 am
Jimmy hats? Three Kings Day??? Why does this article refer to “having sex”? Keep in the mode and call it “doing the deed” or “yum yum”.
07.23.09 at 12:51 pm
@ streetboning: How tall are you? Some guys are offended by the 5′9″ frame
and @ Uncle Wah Wah: hahaha, three kings day is referring to that holiday in early January but maybe I should start calling it that- sounds almost as funny as “yum yum”.
07.23.09 at 1:32 pm
I thought Three Kings Day was another name for Christmas. Waddya know, Street Boners is an incredible cultural reference source.
07.23.09 at 1:59 pm
Great article.
Girls who are sexually active and want to enjoy life get put down – and its stupid,
Guys have just as much sex if not more, and with guys, they don’t get put down for it, they get praised. It doesn’t make sense to me.
They love to have sex with women yet they talk shit about those women who love to have sex back.
Yes, it is because those guys are jealous, stupid, or have pencil dicks.
Me personally, I don’t fall under any of those three categories.
07.23.09 at 3:05 pm
The best sluts are ALWAYS mentally damaged. That’s why you don’t marry them. Dummy.
07.23.09 at 8:52 pm
ARVIND HAS A GARGANTUAN PENIS!!! AILEEN FUCKS SO GOOD SHE’LL STEAL ALL YOU JEALOUS LITTLE CUNTS’ BOYFRIENDS!!! DON’T HATE THE MVPS BABY, HATE YOUR POOR PERFORMANCE IN THE SACK!!! ITS NO WONDER YOU’RE ANGRY, IF I NEVER FELT THE INSIDE OF WET & EXCITED VAGINA, I’D THINK THE WORLD WAS CRUEL TOO!!! I’M SORRY IF THIS LITTLE DOSE OF REALITY IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO FATHOM, BUT LETS GET SERIOUS… IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO ATTACK AILEEN FOR HER ‘LITTLE DICKS’ COMMENT, YOU WERE OBVIOUSLY PERSONALLY OFFENDED. WELL I’M SORRY YOU HAVE AN UNDERACHIEVING COCK!!! LETS NOT GET RACIST NOW JUST ECAUSE YOUR LIL PECKER GOT STUCK IN A BITCH’S CAVITY DURING ORAL SEX! I’M SURE THERES UH SOME KIND OF TECHNOLOGIC ADCANCEMENT IN THE MEDICAL WORLD THAT COULD UH, I DONT KNOW, MAKE YOUR DICK AN OUTIE RATHER THAN AN INNIE??! BUT DESPITE YOUR PHYSICAL BLUNDERS, LETS FACE IT: YOU ARE A FUCKING PATHETIC LOSER WITH AN EVEN MORE PATHETIC LIFE TO HAVE TO RUMMAGE THROUGH THE INTERNET/GOOGLE/WHATEVER JUST TO FIND A COMEBACK. THEREFORE, IF U ASK ME, U SHOULD THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS FOR EVER ENCOUNTERING A SLUT. OR BETTER YET PRAY THAT YOU DO, FOR THESE SELFLESS WOMEN HAVE ENOUGH HEART TO PROVIDE YOU WITH THAT SYMPATHY/PITY FUCK FROM WHICH YOU FINALLY LOST YOUR VIRGINITY! YOU’RE WELCOME, YOU LITTLE DICK, CORNY FUCK!!
07.24.09 at 11:12 am
@ potatoes, arv does have a nice penis. but how would you know that? :O
07.24.09 at 2:40 pm