You probably heard the world might end at 1am when a bunch of rascally scientists turn on the Hadron Collider. Now I’m not sure how the Collider works- something about smashing shit together in order to find out what happened after the big bang-
(this machine may kill us all by tomorrow)
but if Otto Rössler of the University of Tübingen is right then we’re going to create a black hole which will suck us into an infinite abyss of doom and nothingness in a matter of seconds, which is isn’t really a big deal because as far as end of the world scenarios go this one is probably our best bet. Blink once. There it’s over.
It’s actually way more fun to think about how red in the face the Hey-guys-don’t-worry-bout-it Scientists will be IF they do end up creating a black hole. Can you imagine that split second in the lab? It’ll easily rank as the world’s most sheepish Oops! Not to mention the finger pointing, feet shuffling and forehead slaps. And if nothing happens, (i.e. what’s going to happen), then all those panicky scientists will be laughed at like Gary Larson drew them.
Of course if you are concerned about impending destruction, tonight might be a good night to get lit, revel in your sickest fantasies and get your hands on some of those bizarro psychedelics no one outside of erowid ever tries.
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I’m of the belief that all black holes start this way.
How else, then?
09.09.08 at 1:35 pm
Isn’t it supposed to take a month to really heat up?
So maybe this time next month… I’d also like to draw attention to the fact that TOMORROW IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY. Great, greeeaaat.
Maybe the black hole will be very selective.
09.09.08 at 1:51 pm
This was forwarded to me by a friend about a minute ago. It’s a news report involving a black Dallas city councilman objecting to the term “black hole”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1aNcd5cLm4
09.09.08 at 2:05 pm
Sorry.
Hole of color.
Colored hole?
09.09.08 at 2:07 pm
Looks like he was a County Commissioner instead of a member of City Council, as if anyone gives a fuck or I even know the difference.
From the “City Hall Blog” on dallasnews.com…
http://cityhallblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/07/dallas-county-meeting-turns-ra.html
“Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections ‘has become a black hole’ because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.
“Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud ‘Excuse me!’ He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a ‘white hole.’”
“That prompted Judge Thomas Jones, who is black, to demand an apology from Mayfield for his racially insensitive analogy.”
09.09.08 at 2:13 pm
African American Holes. Assholes.
09.09.08 at 3:37 pm
I suggest “holes without light” or, to try and please everyone, “differently lit holes.”
09.09.08 at 3:47 pm
wow, I had no idea about this, that’s pretty awesome. thank you, street carnage.
09.09.08 at 4:05 pm
I guess I should spend my paycheck tonight with a 3 way hooker session?
09.09.08 at 4:09 pm
that erowid thing is amazing. had no idea. just blew my whole afternoon reading random shit about people taking drugs i have never conceived of, drugs that that start with numbers and shit like 2-y-009=p.
wow. i love how scientific they are about it, like this dude below talking about shooting dope like its heart surgery. he has a point though, cuz its true that if you’re clean about it, rotate veins, always use sharp new needles, and have plenty of money, like a trust fund or something to live on and to buy fairly good dope, you can do heroin for basically ever and live a long fruitful life a la William Burroughs. Heroin is not actually bad for you directly, its all the shit that goes along with it that fucks u up like poverty and diseases from dirty needles. and not having dope – that really sux.
“Preparation involves cleaning myself first with antibacterial soap, washing my hands and arms well. I then wrap a rubber tie around my upper arm. I now break off half a street quarter and dump it in a empty bottle cap. The cap was never used on any bottle, and was sterilized before the drug was dumped in it. I opened a small 3 ml tube of ‘USP 0.9% Sodium Chloride Inhalation Solution.’ I squirt in a little more then half a mL of the solution. I don’t have a lighter handy, so i just swish the water around in the cap for about 2 minutes in which time it dissolves into a dark brown solution. I then drop in a dental cotton which soaks up everything like a sponge. I uncap a 29 guage 1 mL disposable insulin syringe, and stick the needle in the cotton. I suck up the solution until only a dry brown ball of cotton remains. Now I wipe my arm with a cotton swab and search for a suitable vein. I abandoned the tie now because it’s obvious I won’t need it.”
09.09.08 at 4:29 pm
Tomorrow it is only being brought online. The first particle collision is scheduled for October 21st.
The odds of anything catastrophic happening are something like one in fifty million, though I do find it odd that the description of the YouTube video is eerily reminiscent of Stephen Hawking’s “voice” when read aloud.
09.09.08 at 4:52 pm
Also… “hot chocolate holes”.
09.09.08 at 5:00 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3iryBLZCOQ
09.09.08 at 5:50 pm
I like how before the jump, this article is like “an infinite abyss of doom and nothingness MORE >>”. It made me want to click, because what could possibly follow that?
09.09.08 at 9:14 pm
i can just picture the white guy calling the office a black hole, and the black guy standing next to him going all bug-eyed and saying, “EXCUSE ME!” like stanley in the office.
09.09.08 at 10:26 pm
hahaha, finally an erowid reference!
09.09.08 at 10:32 pm
this will be the first time the europeans have fucked up the world right?
09.10.08 at 2:11 am
they’ve been building this thing for years. i heard about it like a year and a half ago on the discovery channel. its also the reason we have the internet. not kidding:
they started building this a loooooong time ago, and basically the started thinking up the computer system the interpret and record the data from the particle collisions first, and in order to link all the different computers involved(like a million spred over like 20 miles or something) they basically accidentally created the infrastructure for what they called the “World Wide Web”. i think they also accidentally created the technology for cell phones. also not kidding.
09.10.08 at 2:12 am
The US government also didn’t know if the first atmospheric Atom bomb test would ignite earths atmosphere or not. They did it anyway.
09.10.08 at 4:08 am
I think using the race card for a white guy using the term “black hole” can be put under the same umbrella of insanity as a white guy talking shit about Islam, which is a fucking religion.
09.10.08 at 6:59 am
cnn today:
Scientists cheer atom smasher success
Scientists applauded as one of the most ambitious experiments ever conceived began today. The Large Hadron Collider — designed to simulate conditions of the Big Bang — was switched on this morning. Skeptics claim the experiment could create a black hole capable of swallowing the Earth. full story
‘The biggest scientific experiment ever’
Explainer: A look at the atom smasher
09.10.08 at 8:24 am