My lawyer scored Game 2 tickets to the World Series the same day I scored mushrooms … and you bet your sweet bippy I took them there.
How could I not? Nothing is quite as existentially disorienting then staring into the abyss while surrounded by 50,000 people who have nothing in common with you except cheer, beer, and pee. And I mean, I have nothing in common with 99% of the fans there because I don’t even follow baseball. I just have a lust for human spectacle and can care less if I piss myself in public. Being able to maintain yourself in such a public situation is what leads to new insights on humanity: You get to view how a crowd functions on such a primal level that it simultaneously stirs the soul and grosses you out. If you ever have the chance, you should do it — especially if you can make it to NASCAR.
I discussed sporting events via psychedelics with my friend and old roommate, S. Kelly Brown of The Whitest Yids We Know, because Mr. Brown drained a bag of Molly at the Patriots / Vikings Halloween game a few years ago. After comparing notes, we agreed on three things: 1) being one goon in a giant mob of goons focused on two teams of goons gooning around is a truly religious experience; 2) sunglasses are mandatory because the lights are brighter than shit and your pupils are dilated as fuck; 3) it’s better to do this in cold weather because cold dry air reminds you when your bladder is full — if you do this during warm weather you may get too cozy, sweaty, and soil yourself. Remember now, you’re at a sporting event drinking nonstop.
Here’s some pictures and very loose advice on how to prepare for a game of Spectator Psychedelia:
Ah-haa, more than meets the eye. You know you can make tea out of mushrooms and make them invisible? Go ahead, look it up.
Perfect time for $9.00 shit beer.
The best seating for this type of behavior is Handicapped Accessible: tons of legroom, no steps to climb, close to the beer, you’re close to the bathroom.
Expect magic to happen. For example, I was zoning out on this box of spicy tofu noodle and next thing I know, I look up to see a little Japanese guy hit a homerun.
The only time I’ll ever say that these guys looked beautiful.
The proof is in the pudding.
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“The only time I’ll ever say that these guys looked beautiful.” hahahahahahaha
11.09.09 at 10:12 am
Wow, I went to high school too, what a coincidence
11.09.09 at 10:25 am
please write more about this (really! write a part 2 with more insights.. what were other things you saw/other epiphanys)
11.09.09 at 10:36 am
“Change the ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es.’”
11.09.09 at 10:45 am
You could definitely give us more of your “loaded thoughts”, as my friend’s mom used to say. Don’t you get any anxiety at all in this situation? I want to hear about that.
11.09.09 at 11:10 am
I want to read more as well.
11.09.09 at 11:14 am
lol, what is it? I never tire of shroom stories. they are to interesting tales as farts are to comedy.
11.09.09 at 11:54 am
your lawyer? who are you, hunter s. thompson? fuck off.
11.09.09 at 12:45 pm
@jelly
Everybody thinks he’s Duke, especially if he’s a 20something “writer”. Don’t take it personally.
11.09.09 at 12:58 pm
yawn.
11.09.09 at 1:49 pm
noodles? iced tea? c’mon mofo, throw the dogs a bone here.
11.09.09 at 3:12 pm
Don’t listen to them, the worst posts on this site are more than 6 paragraphs. That was a rad little insight.
11.09.09 at 3:44 pm
it’s good to see some people are still into psychedelics in these days where most people are doing drugs that give them the illusion that they’re in control of their own destiny.
11.09.09 at 4:50 pm
Yeah Barb, his lawyer. Some of us who have lawyers on our side, party like H.S.T. It’s real nice to have a lawyer with you in these times. Even if he is as scrambled as you are…………… Mike- Its not the same as the shrooms, but I was high on THC and 4 oz’s of codeine cough syrup, wearing an Angels hat for game 6 of the ALCS, very close to where you were sitting. The high was better than the game. Good times. Definitely avoid noodles on shrooms. And the shroom tea has always worked well for me. Hits faster too.
11.09.09 at 4:53 pm
fuck all the other commenters hating on this shit…..to me, you are a god! the fact that you can trip balls in public in A MAJOR CITY and not freak out puts you at the top of my list!
11.09.09 at 4:56 pm
Never do shrooms in Downtown Las Vegas. There are way too many predators there and your ear-to-ear grin will attract them like nothing else.
11.09.09 at 5:07 pm
@Dork
That’s why you hit the angel dust in addition, so as to counter-mand the rubeface.
11.09.09 at 5:09 pm
I literally have a phobia of really dilated pupils, that photo makes me flinch.
11.09.09 at 5:23 pm
I would have expected some more trippy photos on Scherms…
Is this the world through the eyes of an uncreative person?
11.09.09 at 5:24 pm
^^^
dude, go home, you are too lame for this party. what are you expecting? a picture of a breathing cinder block? glowing beer cups? play-dough faces of goon after goon after goon warping into one another? how the fuck do you capture that shit in a photo?
take your whining somewhere else, bottom feeder.
11.09.09 at 8:30 pm
whoop dee fuckin doo
11.09.09 at 8:49 pm
^^^
you’re right, bob. tripping at a sporting event isn’t that challenging.
a true challenge would be shrooming and then getting an MRI: you can’t wear sunglasses cuz yer in a huge magnet, its really fucking cramped, rrreally fucking loud, and you have to dupe a medical professional into excepting any irrational behavior.
11.09.09 at 10:06 pm
that was great.
i’m not psychic or anything, but for some reason i could tell that this guy was totally on shrooms, just by the feelings i got when looking at his pictures. bang up job.
11.09.09 at 10:45 pm
looks like good fun. the pupil shot killed any suspicion i had
11.09.09 at 11:11 pm
eide i liked this, do a follow up
11.09.09 at 11:47 pm
drugs in yankee stadium who would of thought. why dont post about those steroid using overpaid slackjawed faggots and what its like to have an asterisk next to half their championships.
11.10.09 at 12:47 am
@ the noodles moved… Fuck off girly girl, it wasn’t that impressive.
11.10.09 at 11:13 am
Taking ’shrooms in crowded public places and major cities is the best! It just takes practice.
11.10.09 at 2:20 pm
do five dried grams in the woods in the dark with no one around for miles. write about that. hmm. maybe i should.
11.10.09 at 5:55 pm
[...] writing about a trip I took during Game Two of the World Series, a number of folks wanted to hear more about the psyche-sport known as Spectator Psychedelia. So I [...]
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