Mexicans are really cool. And I’m not talking about Up In Smoke or Stand and Deliver cool, although they certainly are that–I’m talking about body temperature here. Summer has finally hit ol’ New Yawk City and in my opinion, that sucks. I hate this sticky humid bullshit. I hate laying in bed, butt-fuckin’ naked with no top sheet, trying to fall asleep like a glazed donut. Getting baked doesn’t help either. Say what you will about the blessings of AC, but this summer has been so wet and cloudy up until now that I refuse to submit to breaking out my air conditioner and installing it. I’m stubborn dammit! So it’s a good thing that I learned three rad tips about keeping cool from my working class brethren:
HOW TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT
1. You don’t have to take a full cold shower to cool down. You can just put a bag of ice or cold towel on the back of your neck. There’s a lot of nerve receptors there and it will work within minutes. Maybe this wasn’t discovered by a Mexican, but a Mexican taught me it, so I personally credit the entire ethnicity.
2. Sliced Mango Recipe: take Mr. Mango off your shoulder and slice him up in whichever style you like, but cubes will deliver the most surface area. Mix together some lemon or lime juice, salt, and cayenne pepper in a glass to your own taste. Now throw the mango and the juice concoction into a Ziploc or Tupperware and shake it up. This tasty fruit snack keeps you cool by: supplying your body with water (mango); facilitating re-hydration (lemon/lime); retaining water (salt); and dilating your arteries (cayenne peppa’). Too bad tacos aren’t as scientific.
3. CORONAS!! This is one of the best brand of beers for cooling down after edging a lawn because A) it goes well with lime and B) has a low alcohol content (4.5%). Your buzz will kick in a bit slower with Corona but that’s the point; you’ll retain water a bit longer. Plus it’s light and refreshing.
My ignorant gringo theory to how Mexicans learned to stay so cool is because they always seem to work really hot jobs: they are usually outside in some sun-beaten environment or in a kitchen sweating all over my pizza. But despite the heat, these guys troop on like the true prole soldiers they are and it’s a shame a lot of people won’t give them credit for it. Besides the virtues of a bad-ass work ethic, they have much to teach us.
Thank you Mexicans, for showing the rest of us how you beat the heat. Now just stop selling us dirty headache weed that smells like gasoline and we’re solid.
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bummer
08.26.09 at 10:18 am
ah, dirty headache weed
08.26.09 at 10:28 am
“My ignorant gringo theory to how Mexicans learned to stay so cool is because they always seem to work really hot jobs: they are usually outside in some sun-beaten environment or in a kitchen sweating all over my pizza.”
or maybe because it’s FUCKING HOT IN MEXICO.
08.26.09 at 10:30 am
back-handed cimpliment.
“THOSE FUCKING SMELLY NIGGERS ARE GREAT THE BEST DANCERS!”
“THOSE CHINKS ARE GREAT AT MAFFYMATIX”
“THOSE CREEPY WHITE AMERICANS ARE ALL SERIAL KILLERS AND CHILD MOLESTERS”
08.26.09 at 12:07 pm
gay
08.26.09 at 3:37 pm
gringo, you fag, what is back handed about those? and since when is being called a serial killer a compliment? back to liberal arts college with you.
hypothetical: you have to choose between a black guy (nig) and asian guy (slope) for a break dancing competition to be won and a math test to pass; otherwise you will be killed, which minority (<whiteguy) do you choose for each?….. you fucking racist liar
……and use a mexican guy to dig a ditch
08.26.09 at 4:09 pm
plus, they carpool !
-PISTEANDO !
08.26.09 at 4:34 pm
this is funny.
08.26.09 at 5:12 pm
not the article, the comments
08.26.09 at 5:13 pm
Thank you white people for blogging! You just know a whitey invented it.
08.27.09 at 1:32 am
didn’t even bother reading the article, jsut skipped around and skimmed the part aboug caronas. FUCK CARONAS!!! thats what white tourists drink when they’re in mexico, cuz they think that shit is brewed in mexico. read the label, its brewed in chicago or some shit.
plus it tastes like piss.
have some SOL or modelo , or some other AUTHENTIC brew instead
08.27.09 at 1:57 am
Pho queen you’re a faggot. “have some SOL or modelo, or some other authentic brew”? Have you ever been to Mexico? Have you ever drank a beer? Sol is the premiere ass-brew of the country. HECHO EN MEXICO CON AGUA
08.27.09 at 4:51 am
Mexicans are hard workers and no one really credits them enough for it. And they can adjust to just about any environment because it’s not hot through-out Mexico. Too many people are confusing Cancun the city with the actual country it’s in. Or it could just be gringos.
08.27.09 at 4:19 pm
people who think that limes are inherently better with carona are dumb. it’s a marketing gimmick, carona is just a shitty lager, like budweiser.
08.27.09 at 5:06 pm
somehow this thread attracted a lot less faggotry- and some humorous responses.
corona, i hated for years.
sol, is inherently mexican but shitty nonetheless.
limes, are in fact a ploy, but justifiably makes a corona better.
i drink carta blanca & fuck w/ broads with long legs.
i’m mexican.
08.28.09 at 3:32 am
NO LOVE FOR TECATE ??????????
08.28.09 at 6:12 am
brooklynchimp, thank you for your awesome comment. it made writing this halfass article worth it. for the record, i never ever drink Corona. its piss. when eating tacos I have Negra Modelo. this article is a spoof on shit found here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/living/
ever see The History of White People in America? I just watched it again before writing this. I didn’t really do a good job, but whatever.
08.28.09 at 10:20 pm
Tecate only tastes good in a can because aluminum flavor compliments the middle-of-the-desert Mexican water it’s made from.
I second the vote for Negra Modelo.
08.30.09 at 4:27 am