Not bad for a guy from Lord of the Rings
Look, I hate terrorists as much as the next guy. I’m not even down with Islam that much. They tell me it’s a “religion of peace” but every time you research what percentage thinks “Suicide bombers are sometimes or often justified” the numbers are up in the 25%s. That’s 250 million extremists wandering the globe. 1.7 million in America alone! We have freaks too, but there’s 225 million Christians in America and abortion doctors get attacked way less than once a year. That leaves our nut-factor down around a fraction of one percent.
However, let’s take a moment out of our busy memorial to say, “Damn.”
Those motherfuckers really fucking nailed us. They spent 12 grand on some flying lessons and devastated the Global Economy forever. Look at the WTC today. If our president had any balls he’d have started rebuilding them on September 12th. Today there’d be a plaque out front that says, “In 2001, for a very brief time, these towers were knocked down by some fucking towel heads with balls the size of Mecca.” Future 6th graders on field trips would say “Getthefuckouddahere” and roll their eyes. “No, it’s true,” the teacher would say. “F’real?” the student would ask. “Yes” the teacher would add before saying, “Come on, let’s go get some cheap Hilfiger dress shirts at Century 21.”
Instead, we have a huge hole in the ground with people selling “Never Forget” pins next to it. Yeah lady, I’m not blind. There’s a huge fucking hole right there. How could I forget?
Toby Keith calls the attack “a sucker punch that came flying in from somewhere in the back”, which sounds badass but also sounds bullshit. Ain’t no sucker punch. What were they supposed to do? Put on uniforms, stand in a row outside and say, “We declare war on you. Go ahead, try to bomb us!”? And we didn’t “Light up their world like the 4th of July” we lit up A world like the 4th of July. I love Toby Keith, but I’m not going to lie to myself just because it feels good. We lost.
Extremist Islam knew our president would fuck up the rebuild. They knew they would be able to hijack the planes. They knew the collisions would cause apocalyptic damage. They saw a weak point and they dug in the sword like Sleeping Beauty’s boyfriend into Maleficent. Our retaliation in Iraq is like Godzilla screaming at the sky and knocking over random buildings in his wake. We are floundering.
The fact that we can’t even identify the fuckers is another feather in their cap/nail in our coffin. We can call that Nigger Pool all we want, but how do you think we got the British out? We hid in the trees and hired slaves and Micks and Indians to jump out and surprise people. We invented guerilla warfare so we can’t bitch when it gets thrown back in our face.
Basically, it comes down to good sportsmanship. You could be playing air hockey with Satan but if he snakes the puck past your paddle and beats you 7 to 0, you have to be a man and say, “Good shot.” I’m not saying we shouldn’t rage against Satan (or Gog or Magog). I’m just saying it’s worth conceding one thing: Pound for pound and dollar for dollar, 9-11 was the most efficient and destructive attack in the history of warfare. I fucking hate admitting that, but it’s true.
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Stop watching children’s movies w/ your kids….it’s turning you into an idiot
p.s. Fuck Crass
09.11.09 at 12:08 pm
not sure whether this is too soon or too late
09.11.09 at 12:27 pm
what does that even mean electric retard
09.11.09 at 12:42 pm
Wow. How Canadian of you. Fuck off.
09.11.09 at 12:42 pm
You don’t exactly have to hire slaves to do something, do you? I mean, if they’re slaves, you just make them do it.
09.11.09 at 12:50 pm
well, duh.
and oh yeah, it IS 9/11 innit?
09.11.09 at 12:52 pm
An efficient attack is one that helps you win a war. There’s really only one group of people that profited from this attack. Yeah, you might guess where I’m going. Bush, Cheney, Halliburton, Blackwater, etc. Those are the guys that got exactly what they wanted because of the attack. I still think those guys were behind it. I was working at the Deutsche Bank building 130 Liberty when it happened. Yeah the building that they still haven’t fully taken down because it’s so full of asbestos and god knows what else. I, like most people that were there, are fucking disgusted by this whole push to memorialize it. Better that it be remembered on a personal level and not used for propaganda. Of course it’s low hanging fruit and it’s getting plucked.
09.11.09 at 12:53 pm
Spot on lol@u. The U.S. government knew about the plan and let it happen.
09.11.09 at 1:05 pm
electric boogaloo has the right thought here.
yeah l@lu and tin foil hats prevent alien communication beams. that’s not really the definition of an efficient attack, which actually would be quite subjective depending on someone’s perspective rather than absolute.
ps- thanks for explaining your marketing-speak metaphor.
09.11.09 at 1:20 pm
Happy 9/11, y’all!!!
09.11.09 at 1:47 pm
I also think they should have rebuilt the towers.
09.11.09 at 1:52 pm
us gov’t blahrichassholesblahblah, terrorists blahreligiousassholesblahblah, my dick blahblahhugeblah. we are stupid. thanks for the reminder, gavin.
09.11.09 at 1:52 pm
Research what percentage of christians thinks bombing foreign countries is sometimes or often justified. You’ll probably get more than 25%
09.11.09 at 1:56 pm
Can you really say that it only cost 12 grand? It’s not like those gayfags woke up one morning and said let’s blow up the twin towers but let’s be fiscally responsible whilst doing it. It would not have happened without bin laden’s massive family wealth, him going all gayfag and fighting other gayfags (the soviet kind) in afghanistan, various plots in afrikkka (USS cole bombing, hosting gay sex circuit parties with mullahs, sheiks, and various bon jovi afficionados, etc.). All that stuff should be included in the total cost of the attacks. Without them Princess Bin Laden and the Al Qaeda Fun Boys would be just another terrible 1950’s style doo-wap band that has gay sex with fags. Yeah the attack was efficient, but let’s not play dick swords here — even retards can win the lotto.
09.11.09 at 2:25 pm
Eh, Christianity is a “religion of peace” but a hundred percent of Christians want to bomb everything, so.
09.11.09 at 3:01 pm
Dude, Gavin, the WTC complex is privately owned. The president shouldn’t have rebuilt the towers, it’s not his job. The reason they aren’t rebuilt is because of infighting between landowners, architects, and contractors. Oh, and probably the MTA too. Either way, though, it’s not the responsibility of the government to rebuild a really expensive, privately owned office building.
09.11.09 at 3:25 pm
you can measure the intrinsic goodness of a religion by shitting all over it and seeing what happens. for example, walk into any buddhist temple and start yelling ‘fuck this om shit, buddha is a goddamn fag” and nothing will happen. then waltz on over to the closest mosque and start yelling “mohamed is a child rapist and islam is a cult” and chances are very high you’ll join a superstar cast of mujis in the next big summer decap video. so it’s really just that simple, buddhism good, islam really really really bad.
09.11.09 at 3:30 pm
These 100% out-the-ass posts have to stop.
09.11.09 at 5:06 pm
Couple of questions. What does cost, i.e., what you payed for your bomb matter? It cost the U.S. 2 billion dollars to create the first two nuclear bombs in history, little boy and Fat Man. Timothy McVeigh’s bomb cost about dick to make. When you kill that many people does it really matter how many dollars you spent? Second. The air hockey analogy? A more fitting analogy might be, “well that guy came out of nowhere. I mean the way he moved out of the shadows. It really sucked when he raped my wife but you gotta give it to him, he is one stealthy son of a bitch. Oh and the way he stabbed me in the neck instead of shooting me. That was genius..much more cost effective.”
09.11.09 at 5:30 pm
Two buildings, a few thousand people… the apocalypse? There were people still drinking Starbucks in the east village the very afternoon of 9/11/01.
God, it doesn’t take away from the horror of dying in/living through that event, but on any wider scale, what did those attacks do? Jack.
Do you think in 20 years quentin tarantino will make a jack off movie about family members of 9/11 victims who go to pakistan to shoot osama in the face?
09.11.09 at 5:41 pm
Careful, Bill Maher tried going down this route and got canned, if DICK Cheney were still in power you might have lost your Citizenshit.
09.11.09 at 5:44 pm
aren’t you canadian?
09.11.09 at 5:46 pm
DAMN… BIG UP TO “Penis Largo, DDS”
09.11.09 at 5:46 pm
coconut balls here G.M. that’s dangerous and awesome. just renewed my faith in the smarts. xo dn
09.11.09 at 5:52 pm
Yes – and Timothy McVeigh was good with fertilizer and the Blitzkrieg was a well conducted military campaign (up until Germany attacked Russia). So what’s the point of saying this shit other than to incite peoples’ anger and to troll for web hits.
09.11.09 at 6:36 pm
lol@u
The problem with people saying Bush etc engineered it so they could have an excuse to invade Iraq is, they could give a shit. Remember when we said, “Hey, you can’t go there. The WMD thing is bullshit”? They shrugged and did it anyway. When we called them on it they said, “Huh? Oh yeah. Weird.” They obviously don’t need our permission to do anything.
The only good thing about all these conspiracy theories is they must make the terrorists really pissed off. You sink a basket from the other end of the court and people think the president did it. Sucks.
zaxxon
Didn’t do jack? Are you kidding me? Two guys stole two planes at the same time and polarized the world. Nobody knew what Islam was before 9-11. Now every tire changer in Nascar knows Muhammad on a first name basis.
09.11.09 at 6:57 pm
hipster
09.11.09 at 7:10 pm
Happy Anniversary, OBL! Who would have thought your evil ass would have seen New Years 2002? I figured you for sand flea food three weeks after 9/11.
09.11.09 at 7:33 pm
You’re not winning any friends with this one.
09.11.09 at 7:33 pm
It’s been 8 years since the Twin Towers fell. We are still fighting the “war on terror.” Maybe one day we will win. You know cause I’m pretty sure terrorists will give it up after doing it forever.
09.11.09 at 7:59 pm
good post.
thank god there havent been any loose change or zeitgeist references on this thread yet..
09.11.09 at 8:41 pm
this is fucking cool.
people need to chill. its not OUR war… not even on a territorial level. This is how the super wealthy fight. were just peons on a birds eye view to them. CHILL THE FUCK OUT. just be glad YOU wernt in them towers when it went crumbling down. Anger and hate are such wasted emotions, especially over something you cant do donkey´s dick about. so just chill people.
09.11.09 at 9:34 pm
Shut up, Canadian! And get the hell out of our country! I’d take a “towel head” American over a wannabe American any day of the week.
09.11.09 at 9:50 pm
i think 25% of suicide bombing is justified.
if someone is trying to make sure that you, your grandparents, your parents, your kids, and your grandchildren only have scraps of rotten food to eat and that you all have to sleep in a one room shack with a piece of rubbish for a roof – then fuck yeah, blow those motherfuckers to kingdom come.
people, in a lot of ways, only respond to violence. its fuckin horrible but its in our blood.
ps. talking about conspiracy theories will fry your brain circuits.
its too big for us, we’re being moved around like chess pieces by someone or something that is smarter than us. so get laid, drink some coffee, go to the beach, have some babies and live a good life.
leave the ‘They Live’ shit to the rowdy roddy pipers of this world
09.11.09 at 10:42 pm
So at my work (delivery company), my boss took a call on 9/11, like 3 hours after shit went down, from a woman on the Lower East Side complaining about why her delivery wasn’t on time. She probably had the lone working phone for miles. Anyhoo, we explain the situation and explain that our driver may or may not have been in the WTC when everything happened, and her response is:
“…bullshit. That’s 20 blocks away. I don’t give a fuck what’s happening down there. I want my order NOW.”
All class.
09.12.09 at 12:57 am
Way to respond and only acknowledge the fucking morons, GM. Especially since pretending Andrew didn’t say that is the only thing between you and deleting this dumb post.
09.12.09 at 2:48 am
Quoting Toby Keith? You are dead to me.
09.12.09 at 2:56 am
X-ray Says:
So at my work (delivery company), my boss took a call on 9/11, like 3 hours after shit went down, from a woman on the Lower East Side complaining about why her delivery wasn’t on time. She probably had the lone working phone for miles. Anyhoo, we explain the situation and explain that our driver may or may not have been in the WTC when everything happened, and her response is:
“…bullshit. That’s 20 blocks away. I don’t give a fuck what’s happening down there. I want my order NOW.”
All class.
Fuuuucking CLASSIC shit. way to put it in perspective lady.
people are just amazing sometimes
09.12.09 at 5:24 am
Terrorist= anyone who is a threat to the corporate/capitalist state.
You basically have a bunch of nerds in tall skyscrapers who are protected by a very militarized police force, and Fight Club scared the shit out of them. So they’ve used they’re cleverness to fool even Gavin “dumbass” McInness, if he’s not on the payroll as “leader of the hipsters” or something.
Al Qaeda isn’t real. Maybe there were a few arabs who did it, but Al Qaeda is fictitious. The government and tax payers get fucked in Iraq and Afghanistan, the private companies are making a killing out there. My flatmate recently left to go get rich in construction in Afghanistan.
09.12.09 at 6:43 am
HELLO! aren’t you canadian?
09.12.09 at 6:44 am
This is a great post, and I’m shocked at how stupid the commenters are.
09.12.09 at 7:05 am
“Vegan Jules”
“6:43 am”
This really says it all, don’t bother reading the above comment.
09.12.09 at 11:15 am
It’s a little early for this but it goes with the terroritory http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3i8krPi7cg&feature=related
09.12.09 at 11:59 am
Damn that band’s early shit wasn’t half bad, check it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVDPmCL46pU&feature=related
09.12.09 at 12:11 pm
i don’t know about that bn, but he doesn’t sign my checks…
09.12.09 at 4:58 pm
Blognigger you’ve been startling me with your stupidity lately as well.
Party Time, I live in London. If you’ve ever heard of it, the time is five hours ahead.
09.12.09 at 7:59 pm
So they’ve used they’re cleverness to fool even Gavin “dumbass” McInness
I just wanted to quote this. No-content-post.
Sincerely,
Party “dumbass” Time
09.12.09 at 10:04 pm
Party
Know this hurts, but the truth is that there are three different types of words that sound the same: there, their and they’re – i know its confusing but spend a few minutes getting acquainted with it before lodging yourself up in my internets again.
THX
09.13.09 at 12:03 am
The 9/11 is simply THE REICHSTAG IS BURNIN’ of the start of the 21st century. It’s just bigger, like our asshole.
09.13.09 at 5:25 am
Were gonna have midgets on shoulders and thunderdomes and this guy before you know it. Celebrate the end of the world!
09.13.09 at 8:19 am
i literally laughed out loud at this post. L.O. FUCKING Led. then i realized you weren’t being intentionally obtuse. but that just made me laugh harder. oh lordy, canucky is dumb fucky.
09.14.09 at 12:44 am
Gavin, I’m going to bet you didn’t read that PEW study. You say “that’s 1.7 million [extremists] in America alone!”. I have no idea how you or associatedcontent.com came up with 1.7 million Muslim extremists in America. The PEW study did not look at American Muslims. Do your research properly.
Also I think if you asked people – any people – if violence is sometimes justified then you will get at least 25% who say “sometimes” or “often” (although why these two answers were grouped together in the study is not clear, unless they wanted to boost the percentages). Just because political violence in the Middle East tends to take the form of suicide bombings doesn’t make Muslims any different.
09.15.09 at 9:09 am
Oh and there is a HUGE difference between saying – abstractly – that violence is sometimes/often justified and being a suicide bomber. To put it another way, there is a HUGE difference between saying violence is justified and being an extremist.
09.15.09 at 9:12 am
Why do you get to dilute “Suicide Bombers” down to simply “violence”? Suicide bombers go into cafés and blow up innocent women and children. That’s extreme, no?
And check the sites (plural). The pew study lists several countries. Add them up and divide them by the # of countries. You will get 25%. There’s a billion Muslims in the world. Hence 250m. Also, there’s about 7 million Muslims in America. Hence 1.7m.
09.15.09 at 10:10 am
Gavin, bro, you’re absolutely right. I couldn’t have said it better myself. By the way, you’re welcome for my hipping you to that Pew study. There are literally no Christians who would ever approve of any violence against women and children, Muslim or otherwise, but it’s a moot point because America doesn’t do that shit, never has done that shit, never will do that shit.
09.15.09 at 3:44 pm