picture-1.jpg

(Suck’s mittens above and an article about Dédé from Bizzarre Mag Christmas 2007)

Suck UK is a great – but pricey – site where stoned Londoners can make their bathroom mirrors look like giant razor blades or store their USB mixes in cardboard containers that look like old cassette tapes. It’s a good place for gift-buying if you are organized enough to account for European shipping time but it’s an even better place if you were broke for a really long time and just came into some money. After years of eating off furniture from the garbage, you can finally get an illuminated coffee table that shows a huge X-Ray of the time you got shot through the femur. And it’s only £2500!

One of their more recent items is a pair of cigarette-friendly mittens that allow you to smoke in the cold without exposing your hands. They cost about £15, which isn’t bad for people like you and me but for deformed people from Southeast Asia, it’s basically infinity.

“Big whup” says Indonesian circus freak Dédé AKA Tree Man. “I made my own pair of those years ago using my actual fuckin hands.” Dédé is probably the most tenacious person ever to contract epidermodysplasia verruciformis. Instead of figuring out what money is and how to get a credit card and where a computer is and why he has no address, Tree just took a wooden straw and jammed it through his enormous, tree hand. “There” he said while smoking a Marlboro, “And I didn’t have to go to no motherfuckin computer machine to do it neither.”
LOL. You may have won this round circus freak, but in the words of the immortal KRS-One, “Internet Shopping’s Gonna Getcha Eventually Sucka!”

  1. STREET STATUES: A GREAT WAY TO BURN YOUR MONEY
  2. STREET CARNAGE REDESIGN
  3. DEAR STREET CARNAGE: FUCK MY SHIT
  4. GAY MARRIAGE – A BUM’S PERSPECTIVE
  5. WHY STREET CARNAGE CURRENTLY SUCKS

This entry was posted on 01.28.08 at 9:11 am by Gavin McInnes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. You can E-mail it to a friend.
2 Comments
  1. fifi Says:

    yo, those mittens look absurd.


  2. fithers Says:

    yeah but what about his friend “The Lady”?


Leave a Reply

STREET CARNAGE RADIO 02.05.10
DAS RACIST

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

STREET BONER 1118

Just to be clear, this is not a hole in her tights. It’s a hole in the ass-time continuum that will swallow your entire paycheck if you go near it.

★★★★★★★★★☆

STREET BONER 1117

I love being gorgeous, working out, playing music, and making that crystal clear to as many people as possible beyond any shadow of any possible doubt.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

STREET BONER 1116

And there it is: the magical, crazy, powerful, nut-tangler that is black socks with heels.

★★★★★★★★★★

STREET BONER 1115

If you get a girl home and you can’t get it up, eat her out — but know it had better be perfect or it’s all over. You’re basically hanging by your tongue off the edge of a cliff made of pussy.

★★★★★★★½☆☆


Bad Behavior has blocked 6621 access attempts in the last 7 days.