STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » VAN HALEN THE VIDEO GAME

David Lee Roth, former kung fu sage, rock & roll frontman and living, breathing action figure has been immortalized in a new flash asteroids game. Ever since the moronic Van Halens dumped the lovable mensch for Sammy Hagar legions of dudes and dudettes have been waiting for this shot at retribution. Now you can battle the nefarious elements of Van Halen by spinning our spurned hero into a spread-eagled whooping frenzy as you blast the caterwauling Hagar, Eddie’s Van Halen’s monsterous mug and the VH1 logo from desktop with a powerful cannon implanted in Diamond Dave’s ass. The rumor is that Version 2.0 features Dave’s infamous backward-leaning groupie used as coffee table while challenging the player to place his cigarette into her x-box. Assteroidz indeed.

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This entry was posted on 01.28.09 at 12:06 pm by Edgar Burns Crutchfield III. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. You can E-mail it to a friend.

13 Comments

yum Says:

SBORONE WINS AGAIN!!

01.28.09 at 12:30 pm
yum Says:

I MEAN SBORDONE I think

01.28.09 at 12:30 pm
bobby christgau Says:

Van Halen was saved by Sammy. The band was done, Dave was over the hill and with Sammy they lasted another 11 years. Hagar was more talented and made the band more musical. Case closed.

01.28.09 at 12:47 pm
Drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something Says:

^ It’s clear that you are a total fag.

01.28.09 at 1:14 pm
Drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something Says:

^not me…but i agree.

01.28.09 at 1:19 pm
lyndon james Says:

Drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something (1&2)-

do you really feel homos would be into Sammy Hagar more than David Lee?

01.28.09 at 1:23 pm
badtooth Says:

Hagar just jumped on the bandwagon. Now he makes his own tequila in the carcass of his dead career. Case closed.

01.28.09 at 1:41 pm
Just A Normal Guy (The Original) Says:

Ease the seat back!

Pistons popping, aint no stopping now!

01.28.09 at 2:16 pm
klasj Says:

van halen sucks

01.28.09 at 2:18 pm
yum Says:

^^^^^ this is a funny video game. Not the actual band VH

01.28.09 at 2:29 pm
Hiene Hole Says:

van halen is better than 100% of all music. 1984 is fucking massive.

01.28.09 at 4:21 pm
heed Says:

van halen should be remained van roth. he clearly drove that bus.

01.28.09 at 6:34 pm
BFF Says:

SCOTT SBORDONE IS FUCKING GOD/OWNS THE INTERNET

01.28.09 at 8:54 pm

STREET BONER 1680

This is just as ridiculous as Beyoncé doing shampoo ads for “blondes.”

E-mail it! | 5 Comments

STREET BONER 1679

Meet the exception to the “Women are attracted to confidence” rule.

E-mail it! | 10 Comments

STREET BONER 1678

When I’m mayor, brass knuckles will no longer be illegal but short hair and flats will.

E-mail it! | 10 Comments

STREET BONER 1677

You can keep your California girls. I wish they could all be breathtaking slobs who don’t give a shit.

E-mail it! | 13 Comments

STREET CARNAGE is mostly a website that features street fashion critiques called STREET BONERS and compilations of bad television called TV CARNAGE. The site also has a blog, a radio show, and regularly features video shorts made by Gavin and Derrick.

STREET CARNAGE is also a live presentation you can have in your town where Gavin shows a Street Boners "Best Of" and Derrick shows his latest TV Carnage endeavors.

STREET BONERS will eventually be compiled into a huge book which will feature hundreds of pages of Boners as well as contributions from Chloe Sevigny, Debbie Harry, Fred Armisen, Tim & Eric and many more.

Derrick makes videos for various bands as well as his own movies. His most recent project is called "Cop Movie" and is comprised of about three dozen different cop movies and he also has a workout video coming out that is made up of a million disgusting workout tapes. Gavin does freelance writing for TV, film and magazines and they both do funny acting stuff as well as other hilarious video shit we'll tell you about later. They are both dicks.