Five to seven thousand people come to Street Carnage a day, but only 500 of you subscribe to our Twitter page. What are you, allergic to jokes? We don’t talk about getting a massage or how hot it is today. We only twit two things: what just went up on the site AND jokes. The former tells you when a new Boner is up and etc., but the latter is a horn o’ plenty witty one-liners you can share with your friends at parties.
Here’s some highlights from me, Gavin McInnes, the Oscar Gone Wilde of our generation (I stole that moniker from Stockbauer – some jokes WILL be stolen – though none of these are)…
Omar Shariff quit the Foreign Actors Guild. He hated the acronym.
Tequila smells like shots.
When Patient 0 died, his gravestone was made of bathroom mirror, and it said “Welcome to AIDS, the world” in lipstick.
Can you believe Jesus is sleeping with Madonna? What a motherfucker.
OH MY GOD (and by “my God” I mean Ganesh)
My Grandfather didn’t die in Auschwitz, but he died soon after, and they say it’s the stress that killed him. His name was Hitler.
You might be a Rastabilly if… Your pompadour is made of dreads.
Every time you fart in front of your wife, a blow job loses its wings.
I don’t like trailers. The way I decide if I want to see a movie or not is to watch the whole thing first.
How does an epileptic gay prostitute get undressed? He jerks his clothes off.
You can make sure your floors are clean enough to eat off of, or you can just raise your tolerance to eating cat hair.
My local taco place delivers literally, but not so much figuratively.
The thought that I may be a coward scares the shit out of me.
Click here to follow us, and your sad, miserable life will instantly become filled with moonbeams of wit.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4397 access attempts in the last 7 days.
Did you all read my guest post on nig beats?
04.27.09 at 3:18 pm
Twitter is for douche bottles and hangy-outtie tampon strings.
Word.
04.27.09 at 3:20 pm
Really? That was supposed to get us to follow your page? Maybe you should have left us guessing what the jokes would be…
although, I can’t lie… the one about the blowjob was pretty good.
04.27.09 at 3:20 pm
twitter is for queers. plus its all a government scam so they can keep tabs on you. i will opt out of that one.
04.27.09 at 3:22 pm
WELL I DO’NT WANT TO FORGET TO MENSION THAT I HAVE BEEN QUIET THE JOKE CREATER IN RECENT WEEKS MY SELF. SUCH AS
WELL WHY DID THE SOMALI PIRATE GO TO COLLEGE?
BECASUE HE WANTED TO FIGURE OUT IF HE SHOULD BE MAD WHEN PEOPLE SAY HIS COUNTRY IS “HOBBESIAN”
WELL WHY DID THE SOMALI PIRATE PUT OUT A VIDEO OF HIMSELF CHOKING A WOMAN WITH HIS PENIS?
BECASUE AFTER ALL THE NEGATIVE PUBLISITY HE JUST WANTED AMERICAN MEN TO ADMIRE HIM!
WELL WHY DID SCOTT STORCH SPEND $30 MIL ON COKE?
WELL DRUG DEALERS DO’NT ACCEPT PAYMENT IN THE FORM OF BJ’S FROM UGLY SELF-LOATHING GAY’S. (WELL MOST OF THEM ANY WAYS)
SO ANY WAYS AS YOU CAN SEE MANY FUNNY JOKE’S TO FIND ON THE TWITTER.COM
04.27.09 at 3:36 pm
Those were amusing but Twitter is awful. I firmly believe you can trace the history of twitter back and prove that it is awful.
Twitter -> Facebook -> Myspace -> Livejournal -> Angelfire -> AOL -> Prodigy -> lame BBSes with no porn or pirated software -> hippie love-ins.
Terrible.
04.27.09 at 3:48 pm
How do you get a monkey to speak? On the X5.
Boo-yah!
04.27.09 at 3:49 pm
No, I will not subscribe to your goddamn twitter. It makes me angry just saying/typing “twitter”.
04.27.09 at 4:01 pm
I’m not too cool for school. I will do what you say. I’m an ass.
04.27.09 at 4:24 pm
Blognigger’s Twitter is 50 to 100 times funnier than yours. All you guys have is post headlines.
04.27.09 at 4:27 pm
fuck twitter, too much effort is needed.
04.27.09 at 5:50 pm
OH, FUCK! I looooooooooooooove hackneyed humor!
04.27.09 at 6:04 pm
Yup, the name ‘Twitter’ makes my scrotum crawl but Blognigger’s Twits are sharp.
04.27.09 at 6:06 pm
I’m already getting Ashton Kutcher’s twits so I don’t really think I need anything else.
04.27.09 at 6:26 pm
These jokes are pretty gay. Only the Hitler one warranted a chuckle.
04.27.09 at 6:56 pm
seriously?
did SB&TC just tell me to follow them on twitter?
you guys turned into twats, huh?
04.27.09 at 7:02 pm
Twit Army. Hell fucking yeah!!! NO CLASS, AMIRITE?
04.27.09 at 7:20 pm
fuck you, i dont understand twitter facebook or the next wave
04.27.09 at 7:54 pm
beckles is funnier than you without trying. You are only 50% of this. jesus.
04.27.09 at 8:52 pm
I heard that people who use Twitter are called, “Tweeple.” Does that mean when black people use it, they’re called, “Twiggers?”
04.27.09 at 9:02 pm
This is going to sound anal, but I’d be more than happy to subscribe if you didn’t post all your headlines on there. I don’t need even more spam in my feed — I know how to get to your damn website to read the articles. Keep the moonbeams of wit, of course.
04.27.09 at 9:14 pm
why not just start a facebook group called “I BET I CAN FIND 1,000,000 PEOPLE WHO LOVE STREET BONERS!!!1!”
04.27.09 at 9:35 pm
Nahhh, dude. Stick to do’s and don’ts.
04.27.09 at 9:49 pm
twitter might be the new myspace but I never had one of that shit in the first place. sucks to your twitter. i don’t know one irl person who has said “do this so we can be closer connected”. i joined the fb group that’s enuff social linking for me tnx.
04.27.09 at 9:57 pm
what. twit this… i forgot what i just twitted. i twitted my pants
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkfVxuYcSCM
04.27.09 at 10:07 pm
those jokes belong in a Garfield strip
04.27.09 at 10:14 pm
whats the above pic got to do with tweet anyway?
04.27.09 at 10:35 pm
I thought this thread was about jokes?
Whats the Opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
Whats the diff between Sarah Palin’s mouth and her vagina?
Only SOME of the things that come out of her vagina are RETARDED
04.27.09 at 11:50 pm
[...] STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » WE WANT MORE TWITS [...]
04.28.09 at 1:52 am
what a great way to get linked back to this page–but with jokes thrown in!
04.28.09 at 3:50 am
fuck twitter. I’m holding out for at least 2 years, just like with The Strokes, blogs, the Yeah yeah yeahs, The Bravery, The Black Lips, and Clap Your hands say yeah.
04.28.09 at 5:35 am
Can’t stand Twitter. Oh, and I’m guessing that about 2000 of your daily hits come from JANG checking to see if anyone has responded to his comments.
04.28.09 at 7:12 am
^ uhoh looks like the pots calling the kettle black again
04.28.09 at 7:57 am
anonymisour Says:
04.27.09 at 10:14 pm
those jokes belong in a Garfield strip
Uh, thats the ultimate complement to Derrick and Gavin, dontcha know??
04.28.09 at 8:33 am
i’m allergic to twitter
04.28.09 at 8:47 am
this just in: twitter has the swine flu
04.28.09 at 8:47 am
I’m allergic to twitter.
04.28.09 at 8:48 am
What is “twitter”?
04.28.09 at 9:21 am
Vane$$a clearly hasn’t forgiven his gay lover Blognigger for cheating with that bitch JANG.
04.28.09 at 11:01 am
I thought we were calling him JAG, not JANG, to piss him off.
04.28.09 at 12:48 pm
some like to lurk and not all have accounts oh and plenty are assholes.
04.28.09 at 2:23 pm
I just flew in from vegas and boy is my winged cock tired.
04.29.09 at 2:15 am
you guys could mention that you have a twitter in your good posts. but then you guys would actually need to post something good.
04.29.09 at 9:36 am
i still don’t know what twitter is. it sounds like something i might want done to my penis.
04.29.09 at 5:56 pm
Some fag shit.
04.29.09 at 10:11 pm