One, what’s with their weird appliances? They look like gumdrops from the future with their round edges all tucked in under the cupboard like that. Did Hello Kitty make your washing machine? Same with their cars. How the fuck can you fuck in a British car? It could barely fit one black guy.
I was born about an hour North of London in Hitchin way before you were born. When Canada began in the early 70s, they built their population out of British people and we were on the next plane over. I live in New York now but I go back to the UK once a year and I still can’t help but ask, “What the fuck is with British people?”
2. THE ACCENT
Stop saying we have accents. You do. Look at a word. You see those letters? The more of them you pronounce the less of an accent you have. We say, “Are you doing all right?” Shit, we even nail the “g” in “doing.” You say, “You doi’ a’ ri’?” You make Nuyoricans sound like Barack Obama. When I’m there I often have to go into the bathroom and just start repeating palindromes like, “A man, a plan, a canal, Panama” just to hear the English language unmassacred for a moment. As Mike Skinner pointed out, you invented the language. Maybe it’s time to give learning it a whirr.
3. THEY HATE WARMONGERS
Not sure where they get away thinking they aren’t arm-in-arm with us in the Middle East. I don’t approve of it but there’s blood on your hands too, you pussies. Personally, I don’t think we should have fought ANY wars. Especially the one where we came in and saved your ass from Hitler. Stop pretending your military doesn’t exist.
4. CLASS
You know why American blue collars vote Republican? Because they don’t think they’re going to be poor for very long. They don’t want high taxes because they are one major invention away from having to pay them. It may not happen to most of them but at least they’re trying.
You guys are so into staying poor you even have an accent for it. Why don’t you get a big “Poor and Proud” flag while you’re at it? Or do you already? Is it that one with the crossed hammers and the castle? You’re supposed to be disappointed with a made-up hierarchy. Not make it the core of your very being.
5. MAGGIE THATCHER
Every time I visit relatives in Britain (this includes Glasgow, by the way, where we’re really from) I sit in big houses and listen to upper middle class baby boomers bitch about how Maggie ruined the country. Bitch, you didn’t have a middle class one generation ago. You had very rich and very poor and nothing else. Then Maggie let people make money and now you have an in-between. How do you think you got this giant home?
6. THEY HATE “GINGERS”
Wait, what? You don’t like people with red fucking hair? Are you retarded? Who else do you hate, left-handed people? Oooh, have you ever seen a picture of Eric Sermon? He has green eyes — barf. You know who I DESPISE? People with cow licks. They’re taking our jobs. I wish they’d go back to Slightly Different Hair Town where they belong.
7. THEY LOVE ALLAH
How’s that working for you guys? We were told we got 9-11 because we’re racist dickheads who have our hands in every oil pie but you guys kiss Muslim tuckus so hard, it looks like you have a mud goatee — and you’re in the exact same boat! Your love of Muslims is as unrequited as NY liberal’s love of American Indians. Get over it.
8. SLAPPER PRIDE
I love drinking in pubs, and having a half-decent argument is about the best thing about British culture but Jesus Christ can the ladies not look in the mirror once in a while? You are slappers. You have a bulging muffin top hanging out of the top of your jeans and, in an irony to beat all ironies, you think you’re “fit.” If you insist on eating kebabs and drinking stout all night, maybe get something a little larger than a baby-T and maybe tone down the arrogance just a pube. I’d rather fuck a dude.
9. LAST CALL IS LIKE, NOW
I’ll spare you the diatribe about your terrible food but why the fuck do you allow your government to make last call 11 PM? You know what we did when your government was pushing stupid rules on us? We sent them home, on fire.
In Britain, right when you’re getting a buzz — Clang Clang Clang, time to go home. Well … that’s not entirely true. If you really want to drink more, you can go to a fucking rave or a homosexual restaurant and order food you don’t want. I thought booze was what you’re all about. Now you can’t even drink it? Fuck that.
10. THEY THINK NEW YORK IS MAGIC
When NYC invented punk, it was a bunch of art school students playing pop music and some subhumans from Queens making fun of 50s revival Guidos. London assumed this was some profound comment about class and “The System” and turned it into a religion. Chill out you guys. New York is just a place where dumb laborers come to work for the 37 rich people who run the place. We’re just like you but with square appliances, real cars, modest fat chicks, an open mind about hair color, a command of the English language, a basic understanding of Reaganomics, less naïveté regarding our enemies, real drinking hours, and absolutely no class at all.
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hehe.
12.15.09 at 12:17 pm
slappers wins. 11pm last call is a stupid, stupid drag.
12.15.09 at 12:22 pm
Gavin you fuckin closet canadian… ‘Especially the one where we came in and saved your ass from Hitler’ … what a joke.
12.15.09 at 12:25 pm
You fucking waste of space. Why the fuck do you bother coming back then.
12.15.09 at 12:41 pm
Best thing Gavin’s done in a while
@Jerebear: Actually Canada fought in the war for a full year and a half before the Americans did shit, regardless of what you’ve convinced yourselves from Saving Private Ryan
12.15.09 at 12:47 pm
Well, Canadians did have a hand in kickin Nazi scum ass too along with the USA. Some “Canadians” have “American” parents and dual-citizenship. This goat, being one of them, hates both places and people equally….Um, wait. God Bless the North American Union and fuck Illinois and Saskatoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12.15.09 at 12:48 pm
‘e’s ROIT boot the mingers!
12.15.09 at 12:48 pm
Um, places don’t have to call last orders at 11pm now, unless it’s a sunday. A lot of us still speak the Queen’s English, and if you’re talking about dropping letters, then America has just as many ridiculous “regional” accents as we do. Re: the “muffin tops”, you are still considerably fatter than us on average – and you people invented the white trash thing, for fuck’s sake – and I think New York is just as filthy, crowded and rude as every other fucking capital city.
Not that I have a problem with Americans or Canadians. I’m just pointing things out.
12.15.09 at 12:49 pm
“America has just as many ridiculous “regional” accents as we do.”
WHAT!?!?!
America has what, Maine, Boston, NYC, then the same accent for the entire midwest and Pacific Northwest and California. Then there’s Texas and the South. That’s maybe six and we have ten times the population. Britain is so regional it has a different accent every ten blocks! Has anybody even counted them all? There must be HUNDREDS!
12.15.09 at 12:57 pm
I’m English I agree with about half of them. None of them apply to me. Just go to a club after 11pm. Finding somewhere to go at 4am is a drag though. Shame you clearly don’t know anything about Britain since you don’t see what was wrong with thatcher. That part and the ‘Especially the one where we came in and saved your ass from Hitler’ make it sound like you’re a ”typical” retarded American or you’re just writing this to annoy the few British people who have any sense.
12.15.09 at 12:58 pm
Oh and Canada is a billion times better than USA
12.15.09 at 1:01 pm
I’ll grant you your points on slappers and drinking hours, but the rest is a bit rubbish.
Love, an English expat in New York.
12.15.09 at 1:04 pm
I like this part: “You know what we did when your government was pushing stupid rules on us? We sent them home, on fire.”
12.15.09 at 1:30 pm
I fucking read it and i liked it.
12.15.09 at 1:32 pm
jerebear, did you know that churchill had spies in the US with the sole intention of spreading propaganda to draw the US into WWII in order, specifically, to save england, which was on the brink of destruction? roald dahl and ian fleming, to name a few.
you’re welcome, by the way.
12.15.09 at 1:36 pm
Can you do Polacks next?
12.15.09 at 1:39 pm
not interested enough in the british to read through. they’re boring fuckers. maybe do africans next time. something along the lines of “what’s up with the distended bellies and culture of rape?”
12.15.09 at 1:56 pm
i don’t think we ‘re open-minded about hair color! did the uk ever have “kick a ginger day” (google it) or a whole episode of the funniest show on tv lambasting redheads? and what about the old cliche “i’m gonna beat you like a redheaded stepchild.” WE came up with that hilarious simile! that means you hate your stepchild’s hair color as much as you resent having to raise him when he’s not yours! that’s brutal! c’mon, even YOU secretly hope your kids don’t come out looking like little tampons. admit it!
12.15.09 at 2:03 pm
[...] wicked. sent to my dad. 11pm last call is a stupid, stupid drag. [...]
12.15.09 at 2:09 pm
we did save their ass in WW2. Brits like to act stuck up on Americans like we are just boorish Yanks. I think it’s really because they are jealous.
12.15.09 at 2:09 pm
lol @ Jerebear
12.15.09 at 2:33 pm
You left out the greatest anomaly in the UK… their bizarre fascination with Katie Price/Jordan. They’re obsessed with her and have made her a gazillionaire. It’s baffling…
12.15.09 at 2:46 pm
Gavin, poor people pay more taxes in the US than rich people. Poor people vote Republican because they’re religious and socially conservative.
12.15.09 at 2:47 pm
Everything in this post is wrong, especially the part about Margaret Thatcher and the middle class, it was the opposite. But I don’t come here for sense, I come here to laugh. By that criterion, success.
12.15.09 at 2:50 pm
except the UK gives us things like manly subcultures like mod and skinhead.
what did the US make? the hescher? Yawwwn.
12.15.09 at 3:05 pm
So where the fuck are you from? Scotland by way of England with a stop-over in Canada where you’re from? Do ya wear a leather african medallion too?
UP THE ‘AMMERS!!!
12.15.09 at 3:08 pm
@Andrea What poor people do you know that pay taxes? Are they both poor AND dumb? Now the middle class…that’s another story.
12.15.09 at 3:14 pm
Ten more points:
1) Obsession with Indian food: Chicken Tikka Masala should be the national dish. I don’t equate a plate of curry and a pint of beer as being bliss.
2) Public/Private school swap: Makes no sense at all. At all.
3) Lords and Ladies: Biggest waste of space ever. They are like ten or fifteen consecutive generations of Paris Hiltons in many of those “aristocratic” families. Might be due to inbreeding. The current royal family, the House of Windsor, has a reputation for getting down like hillbillies at a funeral. The term is the “Habsburg Jaw” applies here.
4) The deforestation of Scotland: If you drive around the country you will see vast tracts of land without so much as a shrub and then little American football sized fields of tall, healthy pine, in the middle of a fucking meadow. I can’t remember whether the wood went for the British Navy or lack of went towards preventing Scottish rebels from congregating; probably both. Either way the Saxon Amazon went the way of the dodo long ago.
5) 999/99 year leases: As a reminder, the Millenium Dome’s lease will go up for review in the year 3000 AD. Alternatively, Hong Kong was given back to the chinese in 1997 based upon a 99 year lease drafted in 1898. Serious lack of foresight.
6) British Sandwiches: Pretty much categorically gross. The only real brit based sandwich I could eat is coronation chicken and I couldn’t eat one of those more than once a month. Half the population of Britain doesn’t know what coronation chicken is anyway.
7) Camilla Parker Bowles: We got our panties in a wad when Bill Clinton stuck a cigar in a jappy woman’s vagina. Britain regularly accepts Prince Charles ungodly acts of bestiality.
9) Costa Del Sol AKA The British Riviera: This is the strip of coast in Spain is the British equivalent of America’s Cancun. All the businesses are geared toward the British. Really classy place. Chip shops galore.
10) Soccer Hooligans: Say it with me. Hooligan. They make Nascar fans look like Rhodes Scholars. Margaret Thatcher’s even created a “War Cabinet” to combat soccer hooliganism. Then there was the Hillsborough disaster in which 96 fans died in Sheffield in 1989. At a sports match. I think I’d have a better chance making it through a Russian Air Show.
Although, nothing beats the the Soccer War: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football_War
12.15.09 at 3:15 pm
I’m blown away that Americans still think they “saved” Britains ass in WWII… Have you guys taken a history class? Clearly the Allies needed the presence of the US to win WWII but Britain had been wearing down the axis for years prior. How about the USSR? Yeah, the Allies most definitely would have been toast if the USSR hadn’t been a part of it. They were probably more pivotal than the US in World War II. Then all of the other contributing countries, Canada, Australia, etc. No single country won WW2 you fucking morons.
Gavin wrote this article just to piss people off and get a cheap laugh. He’s an American, playing the role of a pompous American. Get it!? No classes in NYC? JEWS. Jews segregate themselves and push class more in NYC than anywhere I’ve ever been. It’s sort of funny, but if you buy into any of this shit you’re a piece.
12.15.09 at 3:27 pm
Oh no, I’m British and I’m really upset but your article, oh no, boohoo etcetera.
What wank. Do people get paid to write these things?
12.15.09 at 4:00 pm
Dickhead pubs in UK are till 3pm now, and in London some 24 hours The reason why it was until 11pm before was a law from the 2nd world war and to get people in early.
Also Polish wave of immigrants will make our future girls amazing, just like Indians do. We hate Allah and mosques are being burnt down all the time, read the news. Which accent your talking about? UK has the most accents in the world, experts can narrow it down to each street you live on. Some are vulgar, some are amazing. The Further North you get the worse the accent gets, until you reach piece of shit towns where men were skirts and are Ginger Cunts.
Punk never existed by the way.
12.15.09 at 4:30 pm
Cant spell im too pissed off fuck
12.15.09 at 4:32 pm
people should read “churchill, hitler, and the unnecessary war” by pat buchanan or just listen to his interviews about it on youtube. churchill was both an idiot
the indian and chinese food I had in england was esquisite. I did not fuck with the big meat pies or cucumber delights or any of that it looked like a heart attack
I went jogging along the river and people were baffled. a little girl pointed at me and said “duddeh, why is that man running?”
12.15.09 at 4:32 pm
lol edited out some of the boring churchill stuff awkwardly. you get the point
12.15.09 at 4:33 pm
hahah v funny – but its give it a whirl you fuckin left handed ginger cunt
12.15.09 at 4:45 pm
I fight people like you.
12.15.09 at 4:46 pm
I don’t give a toss
12.15.09 at 4:53 pm
that was awesome.
ps, none of those were palindromes.
12.15.09 at 5:03 pm
I’m fucking wrong.
delete me.
12.15.09 at 5:04 pm
Yes. Yes.
12.15.09 at 5:05 pm
you know Morrissey has already addressed each and every issue presented here.
12.15.09 at 5:20 pm
thank you for defending gingers.
12.15.09 at 5:21 pm
You’re Canadian. Shouldn’t you be comparing England to Canada?
12.15.09 at 5:58 pm
All in all pretty funny though, the only thing sadder than a Scot who thinks hes American is a Turk who thinks hes Italian (that would me him Greek BTW)
Youre just like Rod Stewart.
Fuck I miss home.
12.15.09 at 6:18 pm
@ Andrea
Are you a troll?
I’d like to see some proof for the claim that “poor people pay more taxes in the US than rich people.”
People making less than 30,000 a year are responsible for 3.3 percent of the total tax taken in annually in the US. Are you familiar with the concept of a progressive tax system? Rich people are taxed almost 50 percent of their income on top of the taxes and costs they pay to run their business. They still owe a shit ton of cash to the government even after write offs.
Do you know anything about property tax? Wealthy people own property (housing, yachts, land, etc) and that means they pay property tax. They generally owe more on average a year just on property tax than all the taxes combined for someone in the lowest bracket. I don’t expect a liberal like you to even take that into consideration because you read the Huffington Post and suck Obama’s cock on a regular basis.
P.S. The Huffington post was created by Arianna Huffington, a liberal democrat who made her money by marrying an oil tycoon. She also campaigned for him in the early nineties by garnering conservative votes when he was running for the house of representatives.
TL;DR
12.15.09 at 6:44 pm
I would still rather fuck a dirty English slut than a dude though Gavin. That’s kind of gay of you.
12.15.09 at 7:24 pm
gavin i wish you were the only person who posted on this site because you are the only fucking one who has an ounce of comedic talent here anymore.
12.15.09 at 7:45 pm
up the Irish!
12.15.09 at 8:00 pm
up the Irish!
12.15.09 at 8:00 pm
Fuck the Irish, even though Im half Irish.
12.15.09 at 9:04 pm
Cheezebottoms:
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/01/taxes-warren-buffett-and-paying-my-fair-share/
NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!
12.15.09 at 9:13 pm
unflappable
12.15.09 at 9:46 pm
West Ham United
12.15.09 at 10:38 pm
haha palindromes?!?
12.15.09 at 10:45 pm
stupid. stupid rant.
12.15.09 at 11:47 pm
@ Delanoche: it’s not a swap between public/private school. In the UK a “public” school is one of a historical group of private schools (Eton and Harrow, for example – I’m not sure what the criterion for being included is, those are the only two I know off the top of my head). A “state” school is a publically-funded, free-to-attend school.
This article was funny, although I do find it strange how McInnes hates the English/Scots/Europeans etc so much when he is one himself. England is a shithole but I’d much rather live there than in the US (although now I live somewhere completely different). Anyway, here are a few of my bugbears about the UK:
1) Disgustingly expensive public transport. 3 pound 50 for a single bus journey?
2) Streets overrun with mobs of irritating virgin gangsters who will happily group-rob you (not just in dodgy inner-city areas either)
3) The weather. Jesus. Rain rain rain.
4) A national obsession with the tackiest, most vacuous celebrity shite imaginable. Of course, this shit is everywhere but it’s sad to see the IQ-melting effect it’s had on people in the UK.
5) Fortnightly rubbish collections. Where I live now it gets picked up every day…
12.15.09 at 11:58 pm
@ Sal
Buffet derives most of his income not from payroll, but from capital gains which are taxed differently. That’s not the norm, and if you read the cited article from the Washington Post you would know that. Even if his tax percentage is 17 percent, multiply that by how much he makes a year and it’s well over 8 MILLION DOLLARS. People below $33,000 a year pay 15% and below $8,350 pay 10%. If we’re talking percentages, then you’re still wrong even in Buffet’s case.
Your point doesn’t prove that poor people pay more in taxes anyway. It only proves that ONE guy pays a smaller income tax percentage because of a loophole. The people he polled were also employees of his and do you think they’re poor? How much do you think Buffet’s receptionist makes huh? Say she was taxed around 28 percent (Buffet said she was taxed 30%). That means she was making between $82,250 and $171,550 a year.
You’re a fucking moron, first you site ONE source that mentions Warren Buffet, then that source also happens to be from the Freakonomics, the same people who claimed crime rates dropped in the late 90s because abortion was legalized in the 1970’s. Total horseshit that was proven false.
Try looking at the IRS’ policies instead of reading soundbytes from a bunch of liberals. Check federal income tax rates, then look at state sales tax/business tax/property tax/income tax and combine all those together and you can find how much money rich people actually pay in taxes. For example, the sales tax on a Porche 911 or a BMW 7 series is more than the income tax a poor person would pay all year. Rich people like buying shit like that all the time or am I wrong?
Sal, please shut the fuck up or prove me wrong with reliable evidence.
12.16.09 at 12:03 am
@Delanoche: Hooligans dress WAAAAYYYY better than NASCAR fans, first off.
12.16.09 at 1:56 am
@Anonymous: explain the difference to every chav i’ve ever met re: public/private school. maybe it’s their insecurity with council housing.
@bolo: no contest. hooligans dress way better NASCAR fans. what a bunch of faggots. but good fags. tell them i said that they dress well. please.
12.16.09 at 2:13 am
People who post their political stances on irrelevant pop culture websites don’t know how to give a shit correctly.
Gavin, this was pretty funny. I was gonna forward this to my friend who is probably going to marry a British chick but he would probably de-friend me because a majority of that shit is pretty damn accurate. Oh well. Thanks anyways though.
12.16.09 at 2:26 am
Cheezebottoms.
Jesus Christ!?
How can you turn the most incredibly simple concept into a page long economics thesis?
Who care’s where any of these people get their income.
Whether have a job for your money or you get it through investment portfolios the MOST SIMPLE CONCEPT ON EARTH IS INCOME.
And the whole point of that article is that rich people pay less taxes on their income.
And if you post another thousand word essay that sounds like an accountant trying to justify where Enron’s money is I’m not even going to read it.
12.16.09 at 8:14 am
Actually Cheezebottoms.
Your shit is nothing I can’t hear listening to Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’ Reilly for 5 minutes.
Let’s get back to trying to have fun and enjoying our lives despite the rich destroying the middle class while we watch helplessly.
12.16.09 at 8:23 am
Hey, why don’t you write another essay, this time call it what’s with Americans and see if you can whittle it down enough to fit into 10 points.
Fucking ‘hilarious’ frustrated Vice journalist wanna be without the intelligence.
12.16.09 at 8:28 am
FUCK. I forgot about the part where they make celebrities out of newscasters. Like they’ll have photos of some weatherman and his new girlfriend on the beach SCANDALOUS. You wouldn’t believe who’s a celebrity there. Your postman is on page 3.
12.16.09 at 9:57 am
income tax is only one form of taxation. we all pay the same gas tax and inflation hits us all equally hard. income tax IS unfaily heavy on the rich but it’s like 1/3 of the total taxes
12.16.09 at 10:22 am
gavin going to other parts of britain than london and making generalizations is like going to somewhere other than new york or whatever and saying ain’t that america. most of your points are funny but last call hasn’t been 11 for at least 4 years. there’s 24 hour licensing now, although some pubs still do shut early. the reason they used to shut at 11 was cos the law used to be pubs could only be open for 12 hours out of 24, and it was more important for them to be open for a liquid lunch at noon than open at midnight.
this is because british people DON’T WORK HARD.. or at least they didn’t until importing retarded american work ethic sometime in 1997. so you’d go to the pub at lunch, get fucking hammered and then think about maybe going back to the office.. altho you’d never do this on a friday. by the time 11 rolls around you’re already as drunk as an american at 2 am or whenever your bars close
and yeah the “work to live” vs “live to work” thing is huge and more important factor than all your points, you get 22 days legally required holidays there as opposed to the USA’s paltry 8. at my work I get 27 plus 8 stats and no one works friday afternoons.. also taking sick days on sunny days and sitting in the park drinking cans is generally considered a god given right, at least 1 or 2 every month and a half, more in the summer. also most uk muslims aren’t comparable to natives dude, they’re more like black people? except instead of being wacko christians they are wacko muslims. which I agree is worse, but the 0.9% that really want to bomb planes have nothing to do with my muslim mates who love drinking and going to the peelers.. their main adherence to islam is not going to spearmint rhino on Eid and not going to strip clubs near brick lane just in case they see their dads and uncles in there
love runny balls
12.16.09 at 12:02 pm
i dunno. i’ve been out in london, glasgow and newcastle recently, and seen a lot of nice looking ladies. stop hanging out in shite pubs where supper equals three bags of smokey bacon.
12.16.09 at 1:41 pm
@”Fucking ‘hilarious’ frustrated Vice journalist wanna be without the intelligence.”
He founded VICE magazine, you rotten-toothed cock-stroker.
Worst thing about British people? They love Muslims more than they love themselves. They feel guilty about having been perhaps the greatest empire the world has ever known, and so they’re committing suicide as quickly as they can. In a sane world, people from Swaziland would feel guilty for never inventing anything and having a king who wears bones in his nose.
12.16.09 at 7:53 pm
‘We bailed your ass out in the war ‘ True , but if you help a bud out in a fight do you keep going on , and on , and on about it for 70 yrs !?
Fat slags and slappers . No question , plenty of em in Blighty . Rather a lot Stateside also .
I dont have the time to go through all you’re lame observations but it appears to me , Mr McInnes , that yer grandpappy may have polluted your mind , good luck in the pub .
12.16.09 at 11:51 pm
england’s a dump, it’s a third-world country with a really timid and docile population that’s cowed by video cameras instead of kalashnikovs but it’s all for naught when multimillion-pound modern public facilities still have hot and cold water running out of separate taps…
also they don’t shut the fuck up about English beer and CAMRA but all you ever get at the goddamn pub is (domestic) Carlsberg
12.17.09 at 2:28 am
Let’s get the maths right.
You have opinions like this and you drink in British pubs – so surely somebody must have smacked you in the gob. But, it’s the internet, and although you feel safe in expressing opinions like this on the net you wouldn’t do it real life.
12.17.09 at 2:34 am
well said sangodango
12.17.09 at 2:50 am
@ Sal
Here’s an incredibly simple concept,
The Freakonomics article you sited doesn’t prove that rich people pay less taxes. It proves Warren Buffet pays a smaller tax percentage than other rich people.
By the way, I’m a moderate, not a conservative. A quarter of my friends are trannies in Brooklyn, I support gay marriage, I’ve gotten multiple girls pregnant(followed by abortions), and I think George Bush is the devil….please don’t get all Michael Moore Loose Changey on me with the Enron and Bill O’Reilly bullshit.
P.S. A few years ago I had a guy suck my dick for blow. What have you done for the poor gay community lately?
12.17.09 at 2:55 am
You forgot the fact all UK folk are homosexualists, paedophiles and invented climate change
12.17.09 at 3:59 am
1) Our appliances are smaller because we don’t need to store or cook 8 billion calories a day or was our XXXXXXXXXXXL large clotes. We’re not all lard-arses.
2) Everybody has an accent. And when I say everybody I mean EVERYBODY.
3) There’s a difference between the people and the government and comparing an illegal war fought for oil with a war fought against the Nazis is pathetic.
4) I’m sure you’re trying to make a point but I don’t know what it is.
5) “you didn’t have a middle class one generation ago. You had very rich and very poor and nothing else” Bullshit.
6) Bullshit.
7) Bullshit.
9) Leaving aside the homophobic bollocks you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. 24 hour licences have been around for years. Most pubs have 11pm licences because a) Their staff have a family life and b) there’s not enough trade to justify staying open. Some pubs have later licences but they are usually pretty dead after midnight and empty after 01.00am. Get your facts straight.
10) Rambling, incoherent gibberish.
12.17.09 at 5:39 am
Hey man, I didn’t know you were secretly BRITISH.
I went to school in Hitchin, but I’m Luton born and bred – freeky deeky.
Also, what do you mean about our appliances?? What the fuck do yours look like then?? Or are you just recalling the 70’s version?
12.17.09 at 7:58 am
Also, you forgot the 24hr drinking laws. Now pubs and clubs are open until whenever, sukka
12.17.09 at 8:01 am
well the world war 2 shit is bullshit. USSR won that war. they lost 30 MILLION people. thats like…4 times what the jews lost.
12.17.09 at 10:16 am
having given up the country of your birth to become a canadian, you then forsake that pallid little backwater to become an american only to shit on your original homeland? are you nuts? do you really think positioning yourself as a yank is the wisest move before slinging (what is fairly ill conceived and mostly rambling nonsense) mud across the atlantic our way? NEWSFLASH: YOURE BRITISH you bellend.
some nonsense about appliances? bar opening hours? gingers? does all your cultural input come from cereal packets and reruns of 1970s tv or does the real world figure in any facet of your life? as far as im concerned the americans are welcome to you, strikes me that with shite like this youll fit right in.
12.17.09 at 10:51 am
[...] the last post he did for us, Gavin was all up in our grills, hating on British people and whatnawwwt, and this got the comment nerds really riled up. This was, of course, great — [...]
12.17.09 at 12:32 pm
I don’t get this “british people love muslims” thing. most white british people who aren’t in the labour party don’t know any muslims, and tolerance of islam hasn’t exactly spiked like a minaret since those subways were bombed in 2005. maybe look up the bradford riots? there’s not a lot of love lost. I was commuting on 7/7/7 and about a half hour away from probably getting smeared or at least maimed and to this day that does make me switch subway (TUUUBE) cars when I see a swarthy arabette sweating under a cross dressing hijab number.
but then a lot of my friends come from muslim households and they are normal kids, not unlike my korean friends from toronto.. wacko religious parents, doob smoking, ass eating, cunt loving kids. yeah the abject british government has made insane politically correct concessions to muslims over the years, finsbury park mosque, etc fine. but the actual british attitude towards islam is either 100% distrust/hatred/xenophobia or treating the tolerant ones as the non-threats they are while decrying the nutjobs. this handwringing guilt complex thing you’re alleging is a “british” trait is only present in our soon to be kicked out shitty govt that was in total thrall to some touchy feely gayness inspired by the Clinton govt no doubt. the tories will surely follow the police’s current policy of treating all islamic people as potential monument exploders and thus fall into line with american expectations so don’t get all spazzed oot aboot it. all I know is that in london the kebabs are fucking DEE LISH
12.17.09 at 1:08 pm
fyi I’m aware the bradford riots weren’t a reaction to the tube bombs before you jump down my ass about it all proofreader style
one more thing, the BNP had two members elected to the european assembly.. that’s like hundreds of thousands of votes for the nazi party.. so this “the uk is a pussy liberal paradise” argument doesn’t really wash
12.17.09 at 1:11 pm
bnp.
BIG NEGRO PARTY.
12.17.09 at 3:09 pm
Canadians are americans. So are Brazilians, Mexicans, and everybody else who lives in north and south AMERICA.
12.17.09 at 7:07 pm
I can only assume author of the article is clearly mentally handicapped in some respect failing to see even the internal logical contradictions within his own argument.
12.18.09 at 8:47 pm
Jim Goad easy on the UK loving Muslims we hate them, they vermin. Dont stress you Hebrite. Remember we founded Israel you twat.
12.20.09 at 4:36 am
you tell ‘em gavin! oh and btw the canucks were originally people too scared to fight in the revolution or too loyal to the english… either way i guess this post helps make up for it a bit. Cheerio !
06.10.10 at 9:51 am
1. i don’t have an ‘weird appliances’ .
2. you pronounce words wrong,
i mean americans seem to pronounce “Homeland security” as “held in Guantanamo Bay – tortured with no charges for more than five years”..
americans just put too much emphasis on each letter you sound like retards. zebra, zeeeeebra. vase, vayyyse. tomatoe, tomayyyytoe. argh !!!
3. wars bla bla bla nexttt !!
4. thats a small minority of lazy ass benefit lovers. what about the rest of us..
5. i dont give a shit so i dont complain
6. i dont hate gingers
7. i dont know any muslims to love .. but i respect all religions anyway
8. every country has fat slags.. id assume america has more or prehaps they’re too busy becoming the fattest woman in the world lying in bed eating mcdonalds / playing virtual games than getting out and having fun…
9. mate where the fuck have you been going out if you think they shut at 11! 4am ..
10. i do not think nyc is special
so basically everything you wrote is bulllshit !! (im a crap speller before some REAAAAALLY INTELLIGENT/INTELLIGANT person decides to correct me )
thanks x
07.26.10 at 10:19 pm
I can’t believe people are actually taking this seriously. XD
08.06.10 at 12:28 pm