What do you call this situation? You date a guy, you hate a guy, you break up and get back together. You get back together but not really. You break up but wait, were we even going out? He likes you so much he runs around with you all day while you do your errands. You’re grossed out by his back hair but somehow the sex makes up for it. He screams at you and doesn’t answer your calls, you delete him from Facebook and everything else. “We should stop hanging out…but I don’t want anything to change!” The two of you yell across the street to each other like the Titanic is sinking, you’re getting separation anxiety just thinking about him leaving. But he’s angry all the time and passes out drunk and still isn’t over another girl. YES, there are other girls! Secrets, lies, mean spiteful words typed on the keyboard faster than they could ever come out of your mouth. And then there are the allllll the old jokes, The private jokes. The intimate moments of the most laughs ever. You hate him but you still miss him. He hates you too and he ain’t budgin’. What do you call this situation?
You think of a name for it, I’ll provide the soundtrack:
“We’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again! (But I’d Buy You a Drink)”
1. No More Drama: Mary J Blige
2. It’s A Hard Knock Life: Jay Z
3. Cannonball: The Breeders
4. There’s No Other Way: Blur
5. Ping Pong Affair: The Slits
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4428 access attempts in the last 7 days.
Uh, high school?
Spenny’s sister haha
08.04.08 at 3:54 pm
“Anyway you choose to give it” by Black Ghosts
08.04.08 at 4:18 pm
not worth it…
08.04.08 at 4:19 pm
Umm start writing Dear Diary 2?
08.04.08 at 4:20 pm
“My Drinking Problem Left Today” Hank Williams III
08.04.08 at 4:37 pm
“Table For One Please”
08.04.08 at 4:41 pm
Its called an Emotional Rollercoaster aka “What women really want.”
08.04.08 at 5:05 pm
You’re horrible people. That’s it.
08.04.08 at 5:15 pm
“i can’t believe i read this tripe” playlist
Real Emotional Trash- Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Grow Up- The A Team
Lessons in What Not to Become- Jello Biafra & The Melvins
08.04.08 at 5:33 pm
Fuck Buddydom
08.04.08 at 5:41 pm
also I would never/always treat you like that
08.04.08 at 5:41 pm
Did I say something mean about you in your last blog? Now that I’ve seen you in a bikini, let me tell you how absolutely sorry I am for being such a complete shitbag. I can’t possibly imagine what I was overcome with that day. Grief or something plus maybe displaced rage? I don’t know. Forgive me?
08.04.08 at 5:59 pm
Lesley Arfin bikini picture is my new wallpaper. Real Spit
08.04.08 at 6:35 pm
“Let’s go watch a movie together but separately.”
I would call it committed non commitment.
08.04.08 at 7:10 pm
“a long term relationship”
08.04.08 at 7:24 pm
U STICK AROUND BECAUSE YOU CANT GET ANYONE ELSE, CMON HUNNY U KNOW THAT.
08.04.08 at 8:27 pm
No one cares. And your writing sucks.
08.04.08 at 8:27 pm
husband material?
08.04.08 at 8:29 pm
and the winner is: “fuck buddydom” by sonny.
leslie is awesome btw. no one else puts themselves out there like that.
08.04.08 at 10:00 pm
SLUT MACHINE PUTS HERSELF OUT THERE LIKE THAT, ARFIN WISHES SHE HAD THOSE KIND OF NUTS.
08.04.08 at 10:51 pm
no one else puts themselves out there like that because its annoying and fucking retarded (like you motherfuckers! BURN!!!PARENTHESIS/CAPITALS BURN!!!!!!
08.04.08 at 11:58 pm
You look hot enough not to sweat that shit. So I say don’t sweat it! There. All better.
08.05.08 at 12:07 am
drop the zero and get with the hero girlfriend.
08.05.08 at 12:08 am
Reading this is like listening to Jewel and Lisa Loeb at the same time.
08.05.08 at 1:15 am
Not to be rude, but I’m guessin’ it’s cause of the dickey.
08.05.08 at 2:12 am
its called gay
08.05.08 at 2:24 am
Oh wait, this is Annie Hall, isn’t it?
08.05.08 at 3:09 am
Jesus Cocksucking Christ, get rid of this douche.
08.05.08 at 3:29 am
“moi je m’ennuie” by Marlene Dietrich ?
Or : “People equal shit” by people with masks.
Anyway, please stop writing, that’s awful.
08.05.08 at 4:39 am
“leslie is awesome btw. no one else puts themselves out there like that.”
No one else besides about 215 million chicks on their myspace blogs.
08.05.08 at 6:42 am
i meant on this site compared to the other contributors. i think arfin is cool – fucking sue me.
08.05.08 at 10:53 am
Stop tilting your head up when someone takes your picture.
Oh, and “The Italian Job”
08.05.08 at 11:03 am
hahahahahaha @ the name “TFGIMNOTGOAD” – first time just someone’s name made me fucking laugh. can you imagine going through life as angry as Goad? scary shit. we’ll now await his 7000 word comment about how the white man suffers….
08.05.08 at 11:15 am
http://www.jimgoad.net/tourweb/jgbigdicks.jpg
Yeah, that’s one severely unhappy-lookin’ Caucasoid.
08.05.08 at 11:52 am
this sucks!!!! boooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
08.05.08 at 1:14 pm
JG – if that’s u in the pic the belt buckle roks. you got me – no hard feelings man – its just, you know, some of your pieces seem extremely angry – like take a gun into a mall and shoot all the Pakis angry – im a bourgie liberal fuck and all, but, you know, generally speaking life aint’t that bad, specially for us white folks. peace.
08.05.08 at 1:52 pm
I’d call this “life”. “Life” is most often experienced between the ages of five and thirty-five and is in no way exceptional or rare.
08.05.08 at 2:09 pm
no doubt man. 10 minutes in Park Slope is enough to generate silos full of hate for the libs (though I’d roll with good ol’ american silos full of wheat for the analogy – collectivized agriculture being notoriously unproductive). if you wanna get into some white on white violence in you’re next post – i am all eyes dog – sounds like promising material (i’m NOT being sarcastic – i hate sarcasm actually).
PS: did you see anything cool when you almost died? had to ask man.
08.05.08 at 2:46 pm
tommy:
I’d estimate that 99% of the hate I’ve expended in my life…and we’re talking Stalin-era, Five-Year-Plan, collective-farm-sized grain silos full of hate…has been directed toward upper-crust whites who seem incapable of grasping the bigger picture. OK, let’s make that 85 percent toward rich whites, 10 percent toward my white parents, and the other five toward the white nuns in grade school.
I don’t want to hijack the thread (although I was kind of dragged into it), I’ll briefly point out that rich whites, not trailer trash, are the ones who scream the loudest about racism, but they’re also the ones most likely descended from slaveowners. (Even in the South, only about 6 percent of whites owned slaves at the peak of slavery). Their sanctimonious grandstanding about racism is a squirrelly guilt-expulsion ritual that they’re perpetually performing. When I “act racist,” it isn’t to piss off blacks, because blacks don’t get nearly as offended by such hijinks—it’s to rub rich whites’ noses in their own unconscious and hypocritical guilt complexes.
Although I’ve never been dead (OK, I turned blue twice from seizures about two months ago and will persist in trying to milk that for all the sympathy I can get), I’d reckon that being alive is better. Agreed. Pax Romana!
08.05.08 at 2:52 pm
tg:
Your comment now precedes my last one because I’m a grammar fascist who’s so anal about words, it’s like I could sharpen a pencil with my anus, and I’m always editing, deleting, and then reposting my shit.
Complete blackout both times I turned blue. Wasn’t sucked into any time tunnels and didn’t see any lights. God didn’t want to talk to me. He screens my cell-phone calls, too.
08.05.08 at 2:59 pm
no doubt man. 10 minutes in Park Slope is enough to generate silos full of hate for the libs (though I’d roll with good ol’ american silos full of wheat for the analogy – collectivized agriculture being notoriously unproductive). if you wanna get into some white on white violence in you’re next post – i am all eyes dog – sounds like promising material (i’m NOT being sarcastic – i hate sarcasm actually).
PS: did you see anything cool when you almost died? had to ask man.
08.05.08 at 3:00 pm
hahaha i tried to fix it by re-posting what a clusterfuck i guess just delete my first joint.
dang about the lack of visions – glad you’re ok dude. and when you say you’re glad to be alive, it has some real meaning!
i better get back to work. til nxt time.
08.05.08 at 3:03 pm
It’s called a deep fear of intimacy. The melodramatic relationships block genuinely intimate ones, which are terrifying to people who haven’t properly addressed their psychological issues, most notably those of the family of origin variety.
Also, former and current drug/booze abusers have difficulty with intimacy because they tend to look for a drug-like experience from romantic relationships. If you observe the typical junkie and/or recovery couple, you’ll see a lot of high highs and low lows, lots of drama, but very little in between. Sound kind of like – oh, I dunno – heroin? More well-adjusted/recovered types understand that a large portion of greal intimacy happens in those in-between places.
Too, our culture – ESPECIALLY American culture – co-signs these dramatic tendencies; at every turn there’s some song or movie or TV show or advertisement sending the message that this is “the way things should/must be”. But I digress.
People usually get trapped in the cycles that you describe as an unconscious defense mechanism against being hurt emotionally. They gravitate to unavailable types (i.e., people at their same level of emotional development), sometimes with the foreknowledge that it will never work, which lets them feel safe because they know they don’t have to reveal their divots, work on themselves, or be vulnerable because it’s going to end soon anyway. Even the breakup pain is safe, because it’s familiar. No risk here, only the same old re-runs.
Just like with drugs and booze, if recovery from this cycle comes, one usually needs to hit bottom. Some never do. You ever see a middle-aged junkie couple in a big dramatic argument about nothing of any consequence? Kind of pathetic, right? Like two big babies? Yeah. You don’t want to be like that.
Oh, and I saw the bikini pictures. You look great. I need to wedge my thickness into your no-no hole. Have a great summer everyone!
08.05.08 at 3:21 pm
thank you.
08.05.08 at 4:13 pm
The American upper class have created a simplistic and fascist take on racism because they’ve realized that racism is no longer profitable. The smart business knows that it’s better to get the money of 100% of the population instead of 70% and that the company that sells to the whole spectrum will crush the one that doesn’t. It’s that simple. Less racism equals more economic participation equals more profit. That’s the whole global thing baby. If you got gold fever and you wanna be money, sell your shit to everything with a pulse. Of course, they also need racism to end so that they can further increase the profits by hiring brown labor at cut-rate wages. They don’t want no red-necks heading over to the immigrant labor camp on the outskirts of town crackin’ no skulls on no fruit pickers that they need to keep kinda healthy or at least upright. I really don’t want that either, but to achieve these goals, the corporate cabal has put many of our basic freedoms into question while making it cool to destroy our cultures and kind of emasculate and incite, in a very unfair way I might add, a certain demographic (hint: he looks like Jim Goad). Historically, the only people I know of who have lost their cultural identity are the conquered and in extreme cases…slaves. Instead of learning to get along, we’re being forced to get along. Sadly, this is all enforced by the public vilification and destruction of people who mention racial difference. In effect, they are used as examples to frighten the fuck out of us and make sure that we learn to enter and accept the multi-cult with unquestioned joy. Racism is also conveniently used to destroy threatening people whether they are racist or not (and what exactly is a racist?). In the long run, this heavy handed approach could cause more problems than it solves and sometimes it feels like doom.
I’m not sure if this is true. I really just got it from some kid under a bridge by the railroad tracks. But he was very persuasive. Gotta go. Time for my afternoon “pick me up” latte!
08.05.08 at 4:14 pm
“What do you call this siutation?” Grade fucking 11. Grow up.
08.05.08 at 4:19 pm
adjective
1. based on racial intolerance; “racist remarks”
2. discriminatory especially on the basis of race or religion
noun
1. a person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others
08.05.08 at 4:57 pm
jesus, you guys certainly arent behaving like hipsters!
08.05.08 at 8:56 pm
d-tard is articulate and correct. he summed up the majority of relationships i’ve personally experienced and universally witnessed in less than 500 words. way better than any of my therapists. i just realized i have a long, long way to go. two steps forward, one step back. sorry if this isn’t spiteful enough for the rest of them posting their “intelligent” comments.
08.05.08 at 9:11 pm
Save it for your diary honey.
08.05.08 at 9:35 pm
story of my fuckin’ life…
08.06.08 at 10:38 am
Remember that movie Reality Bites…
Yea…..
Me neither…..
08.06.08 at 10:11 pm
Your boyfriend had really cool glassses but you couldn’t devise a way to steal them until now?
08.07.08 at 4:22 am
This mixtape is called the guy your seeing is still in love with me THANK YOU for taking over the shit end of the stick while i’m sittin pretty and sunkissed far far away
side A (songs he sings on my answering machine while your out running errands and sharing intimate Private? jokes before and after you just fucked)
“You belong to me” – king,stewart,and price
“I saw you Coming Back To me” – Fairport Convention
“You’re gonnna Love me” – The girl that diidn’t win american-idol but up-staged Byonce
“Father Figure”- George Micheal
“Band Of Gold” – Freda Payne
“Hallelujah! I just love her so” – Ray Charles (accompanied by snorts and sobs)
Side B (songs she relates to while scoring Reality)
“When a Woman’s Fed Up” – R. Kelly
“Feel a whole Lot better when you’re gone”- The byrds
“Bye Bye Bye” – NSync
“Take a Bow” – Rhianna
“She will be Loved” – Marron 5
(okay that one i added bacause i just love swimmingt in adams pool nice boys! but you can just roll credits with “if I never see your face again” – Marroon 5 featuring Rhianna, if it makes you feel better)
wow. i just learned first hand that your job is… mindless…boring…and easy…
you have my blessings!!!! be careful your fuzzy brown eye doesn’t turn blue i was always a little shy in that department… special occassions only…
08.09.08 at 10:26 pm
why not “ping pong affair”?
08.29.08 at 1:13 pm
cause we need to get lives, and a guy that actually gives a shit.
but no. we hang on to all those little things we did, the ‘inside jokes’, the things he said..
even if hes just using us for sex, we take that in a way were we turn it around in our heads and turn it into ‘wow he must like me if he spends time with me’ even if that is just 15mins for a root.
sorry if you just suffered reading this tripe.
im tired OK.
07.24.09 at 7:55 am
dear missx stop being such a wart hog.
07.24.09 at 8:01 am
“My Life” -Me
lol
08.02.09 at 5:54 pm