Hi friends! In case you haven’t noticed, Wasted Pushups has been on hold lately. This is because it is very important that I pass a drug test next week. It’s for a job that I took at a goldmine in Northern Canada. I’m leaving New York to live in the small Canadian town that I used to bitch about incessantly to work at the mine that I used to bitch about incessantly. I’ve been asked several times to explain myself. I’m tired of explaining myself. This is the last time!
Unless your parents are willing to pay your rent, you need a good job in order to live in New York City. And if you don’t want to live in a shit-stained ghetto in Brooklyn that takes forever by train to get to, you need a good job that pays you a lot of money. That’s it. There’s no other way around it. If you do something like I did to pay the rent like sell tacos, you come home late after work tired and smelling of rotten vagina. Then you might throw on some clean clothes and have a beer or fight with your girlfriend before passing out. That’s no good. If you came to New York to pursue something that doesn’t pay so well and you’re just doing your taco thing to get by, it will eventually render you unfit to do what it is that you came to New York to do. Like, have fun. No kidding, the city really grinds you down if you are poor. Check out some of the faces that you see in the crowds. One person in every ten wears a really haunting grimace. The lines on their faces are deeply grooved and point downwards and their sadness is so apparent that it seems to bleed out of them like noise. They look beaten and pissed-on, but they continue to push through the thronging crowds doing their daily thing. How do they do it? How do they carry on like that? Day after day. Can you believe that in the six months I lived in New York, I didn’t see ONE suicide?
Anyway, if you realize that you are not having fun and that you hate your life and should be back in your hometown where you belong, and then a goldmine offers you thousands of dollars and two weeks every month to do whatever you want with, you should take it, I think.
Wasted Pushups will be back on this February!
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now tell the truth, streetcarnage, you’re just buying time here. is he dead? has he left with no note behind?
01.28.09 at 11:41 am
too bad, you pussy, that is one less cute boy in NYC (sad emoticon)
01.28.09 at 11:42 am
He probably spent all his Taco money on drugs for Wasted Push-ups.
01.28.09 at 12:14 pm
R.I.P rest in reeses pieces dude.
Street Carnage should get a crack hoe to continue the series.
01.28.09 at 12:17 pm
The “Goldmine” is a leather bar isn’t it, Sam “Slick Shaft” Metteer?
01.28.09 at 12:21 pm
please only post videos of you smoking drugs and don’t try to get introspective about NY. you sound like a fucking dill rod.
01.28.09 at 12:30 pm
maybe you’ll be able to buy yourself a new shirt at last!
01.28.09 at 12:30 pm
Why the fuck would you have to take a drug test for working in Northern Canada. There’s nothing to do up there but drink and get high!
01.28.09 at 12:32 pm
can i work there?
01.28.09 at 12:55 pm
fork truck drivers at fort McMurray make 70k. There are no women and if u breathe in too fast ice can crystallize in ur lungs. Otherwise it’s a the cats pajamas.
01.28.09 at 1:03 pm
n.y.c. is so tired anyway. even l.a. is so 2008. you’re better off.
01.28.09 at 1:18 pm
good luck!
01.28.09 at 1:20 pm
I hear that small Northern Canadian towns are, like, the new New York.
01.28.09 at 1:27 pm
hey dude.
why not just write shit similar to this? enough with the pushups.
this wasn’t bad.
01.28.09 at 1:32 pm
“The lines on their faces are deeply grooved and point downwards and their sadness is so apparent that it seems to bleed out of them like noise.”
Good shit holmes.
01.28.09 at 1:35 pm
He should start sleeping with one of the girls from MTV’s THE CITY and he’ll be instantly famous.
01.28.09 at 1:38 pm
dude,
it’s about to get good here. Are you sure you want to go? Think about, crime is on the rise again. There are all these super nice apartments that no one can afford. They will go vacant, then the housing company will go belly up, the place will get foreclosed and then we will have luxury squats.
Seriously, 6 months.
01.28.09 at 2:05 pm
As lame as your wasted pushups series was, I gotta give you props for talking shit on NYC, the most overrated city in the world. If New York was a band, it would be Fucked Up.
01.28.09 at 2:36 pm
The three comments above mine are all solid gold
01.28.09 at 2:41 pm
Kill yourself. It takes more than six months to even find a proper job.
01.28.09 at 2:44 pm
@Pubeert
Wow, that was absolutley fabulous, my friend. Others take notice; comment hard, or don’t comment at all.
01.28.09 at 2:55 pm
kick some shitty scene girls out of town to make room for wasted pushups guy. this guy is real and they are boring.
01.28.09 at 3:21 pm
Hookups, plz
01.28.09 at 3:33 pm
Why can’t uncle Gavin hook you up with a decent paying job? Shit man, you shot up and put your body through the ringer for the sake of entertaining this sites visitors. It’s the least he can do.
01.28.09 at 6:19 pm
u should write high instead of doing pushups
01.28.09 at 6:58 pm
I agree with Brody. Gavin is writing so much right-wing propaganda these days and that means he’s probs sucking Fox News’ dick and therefore rich. Go ask your rat-faced employer for a raise. You’re the best thing on this site.
01.28.09 at 7:02 pm
This is all true. I came here to try and lay art girls and ended up working in finance. But I think Captain Kuntrag has it right. 6 months.
01.28.09 at 7:30 pm
If I’m reading this correctly, northern Canada is the new New York. Please confirm.
01.28.09 at 8:47 pm
He’s just going to work in the fucking goldmine for a year and going back to New York with a shitload of money. The bank on a job in the mine is 65-120k before taxes.
01.28.09 at 9:28 pm
Maybe he is leaving because he can’t make enough money doing anything else, specifically writing. Becoming a writer is near impossible unless you have someone (like parents) paying the rent for the first few years before you do anything that pays more than a taco selling pipe dream.
01.28.09 at 11:35 pm
Good For You! I am srs. Canada: You can do a shitty thing for money in the bank and then it’s over and you are richer and it really wasn’t all that bad. I’m in Vancouver (SNORE I KNOW) and I’ve only been here 3 months but I’m already thinking about seeing what Alberta has to offer. Conservatives realise that Holy Shit we are sitting on lots of wealth and our deficit is needlessly larger than it has to be so I reckon there’s still a pull. But in the SS 09 because fuck that shit in January.
01.29.09 at 1:30 am
you ran north, I’m gonna run south!. wish I woulda dropped off the angel dust when I wanted……. SSSSEEEE YYYYYYOOOOOOUUUU IIIINNNN SSSSSUUUUMMMMMEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
01.29.09 at 4:32 am
getta outta here ya simpleton
01.29.09 at 6:02 am
I’ve lived in greenpoint for three years doing random temp jobs. I make enough to go out and get shitfaced whenever i want and buy video games and shit. of course i’m not spending money on coke or molly or shit like that. you’re a pussy for giving up so easily.
01.29.09 at 9:59 am
how the fuck wasted pushups are going to be back in February, are you going to be flying back and forth every 2 weeks?
01.29.09 at 1:13 pm
it is completely doable , flying back and forth, if you are making over 80k, which is probably what a gold miner is paid anyway !
01.29.09 at 1:15 pm
the whole world is shitty. Go vegan, stop the pain, stop running.
01.29.09 at 3:17 pm
Fort McMurray sounds like the place to be. I didn’t even know it existed until this post–makes Thompson, Manitoba look like a bunch of Boy Scouts.
01.30.09 at 9:59 pm
youre going to want to move again after 2 weeks when nobody wants to be your friend anymore because all you have to talk about is the fucked up shit that happened in NY. speaking from personal experience.
02.04.09 at 2:57 am
You only lasted 6 months here? Are you sure you wanna come back, NYC could get lonely… again.
02.23.09 at 4:34 pm
Sam, you’re awesome!
I’ve been loving this performance.
I want to make a request: LSD pushups, please?!?!
hope the Thunder Bay winter isn’t killing you!
03.03.09 at 1:54 am
it’s also time to start getting into the designer drugs
Foxy, 2CB… how about DMT, or at least 5-MeO-DMT?
that would be awesome and perhaps impossible
03.03.09 at 1:55 am
OK, it’s March. You said wasted pushups would be back up by Feb. What gives? Answer now, please.
03.25.09 at 11:19 pm
[...] Sam left to work on a gold mine in Canada, Street Carnage had to find someone to fill in for the Wasted [...]
06.09.09 at 12:25 pm
its true. glad i make lots of $$$$$$ hehe.
06.09.09 at 6:12 pm
you got chewed up and spit out like the shitty tacos you were slinging.
enjoy the mine, choad
06.10.09 at 9:11 pm
at least you have a brand new concrete park to shred on. I remember a few years ago I ran into you at cr skating and drinking tallies.
good times
08.21.09 at 6:23 pm
hey just wondering…why aren’t any of the other wasted pushups up..i mean por serio
they need to go back up. Can someone explain that to me?
08.23.09 at 8:15 pm
[...] you moved back after eight [...]
09.29.09 at 12:02 pm
Ok, it’s the March after next March, plus five months. Where are the updates? I want to see you high on nutmeg.
08.11.10 at 3:49 pm
Oops, I meant last March.
I like the idea of you cutting half a cup of cinnamon with half a cup of nutmeg, not spitting it out (the way everyone on the internet did…or was it a tablespoon of cinnamon?), getting to that nutmeg high, doing the pushups. Is anyone listening? Let’s do it!
08.11.10 at 3:52 pm