I’m upstate a lot this summer and I noticed a bird made a nest under our deck. She did it when we weren’t here and everything was quiet as can be. Then we showed up and set up lights and had parties and I’m hitting a fucking heavy bag about 5 ft from her while listening to Sucking Chest Wound. When we first got here and tried out the lights, I saw her sitting in her nest totally erect like she just snorted an 8 ball. She was FREAKED OUT and stayed, still as a rock, with her head up like that all night. Did she lose her fucking mind and rub shit all over the walls?
I was at the zoo once and I saw a gorilla barfing in his hand and eating it again and again. I asked the guy with the question mark on his hat what’s up and he sighed and said, “These animals are almost as smart as humans so when they’re locked up in a plexiglass room all day, they start to lose it. He’s basically gone insane from boredom.” So maybe this bird realized she fucked up when she chose this spot and went nuts from the guilt and the panic. Maybe the egg is dead from the trauma and that broke her brain.
I met this black guy in Costa Rica once who looked like Carl Rivers and did so much cocaine he became an animal. The last I heard of him he was living on the beach in a tent and had rubbed his own feces all over the inside of it. Oh, and I knew a punk kid named Ryan who did so much acid once he went to the bathroom and rubbed his shit all over the walls. So yeah, shit rubbing is a big part of mental breakdowns.
Wouldn’t it make sense birds evolve with a panic button when they fuck up like that? The ones that were apathetic about dead eggs wouldn’t last very long.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
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poor birdie :[
08.04.09 at 12:05 pm
And that’s why birds should live in holes in the ground.
08.04.09 at 12:46 pm
“…and I’m hitting a fucking heavy bag about 5 ft from her while listening to Sucking Chest Wound.”
Oooh. so tuff.
08.04.09 at 1:47 pm
bour pirdie
08.04.09 at 2:04 pm
bird shit is white!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV1exLBWlmo
08.04.09 at 2:17 pm
Didnt Bobby Sands rub shit all over his cell in the maze?
08.04.09 at 2:36 pm
okay, we’re beginning to get it. you snort cocaine. you and your friends do more drugs than anybody ever, you’re all really heavy shit. and you listen to the coolest music. if you tell us about a thousand more times in a thousand different ways that you snort cocaine and are cool we might start to understand that you snort cocaine, and that you’re cool. so bring on the cocaine slang, we’re gagging for it. and the great bands that we’re not cool enough to listen to.
08.04.09 at 2:42 pm
hitting a heavy bag… o’ booger sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
08.04.09 at 2:45 pm
gavin I thought you should stop heeting thee heavy bags now you have the children.. OH! OOPS. OHh HA ! HA! hahaha! I theenk you meant the cocagne bag, you mean puncha bag for box. Ahahaha. you are grown up now
08.04.09 at 3:05 pm
how did bobby sands rub shit on the walls if he was on hunger strike? if it was just watery gruel shite they wouldn’t have even seen it, and they would have just thought the smell was typical irish smell. so it would have been an urban myth my friend Zlur, an urban micky naughty
08.04.09 at 3:06 pm
I’m guessing you’ve never been to a Zoo.
08.04.09 at 3:15 pm
Jackson Pollack started this way…
08.04.09 at 3:16 pm
C’CAINE does sound good right now.
08.04.09 at 3:17 pm
Gavs… you’ve been rubbing our faces in your shit for about…oh …15 years now.
08.04.09 at 3:23 pm
I was working in a call center once and someone went into the bathroom on the break, took a shit, and smeared it all over the walls. So yeah, for some reason shit takes on this magical appearance when you go insane.
I also read this story where this woman who was schizophrenic had this delusion that her dead husband was in her body so when she shit she was afraid she was losing him so she would smear it on herself and all over her body. Hmmm….
08.04.09 at 3:59 pm
Wait…is ‘bag’ code for cocaine or marijuana? I thought he meant marijuana.
08.04.09 at 4:46 pm
Maybe he just means a heavy bag as a fucking punching bag you skinny hipster fucks.
Seriously…heavy bag = a heavy punching bag.
Not cocaine.
08.04.09 at 5:52 pm
ha ha ha lol you guys thought he is referring to drugs? a heavy bag is for boxing you fucking retards. seriously, the commenters on this site must be ten.
08.04.09 at 6:08 pm
look at how hard she worked on that nest.
08.04.09 at 8:48 pm
Hittin a heavy bag is pretty cool slang for coke though. I’ll fuck with it.
The new slang, though, is to use the name “Jeff” followed by the appropriate last name of a Jeff.
For instance, anything remotely faggy will be referred to as Jeff Fahey. This works better pronounced like a mexican. As in, “Ju know the lawnmower man? He is Jeff Fahey.”
Other variations include Jeff Healey (can’t tell if a girl is hot or not), Jeff Probst (dirty), Jeff Foxworthy (that one’s on you), and so on…
08.04.09 at 8:55 pm
areeb, you dink. they force fed the prisoners while they were on hunger strike. and even if they hadn’t, the body digests itself when deprived of food. hence, shit. dumbass.
08.04.09 at 9:51 pm
I passed by some facade today on second or first ave that was all boarded up and spraypaint tagged and the “EVOLUTION” title was above and a 2×4 diagonally across the door with “closed for renovations” written on the 2×4 . I dont own a camera or have a cell fone pic snapper — so just believe it.
also that bird is backed into a corner, (and like fouluno said), if i spent time on such a awesome nest for a single, strikingly, lone blue egg in the middle- I wouldnt turn to the wall with my back against danger, and I wouldn’t shit on my egg but I would shit because of you punching the bag and well that doesn’t explain the design, except if it serves as some sort of reflectant warning.
08.04.09 at 9:53 pm
If you read the bird shit carefully it says “Gawd this music suxxx”
08.04.09 at 11:22 pm
Have you guys seen Hunger ? the shit part was a hygene strike, it happened before the lethal hunger strike
08.05.09 at 9:54 am
uh, yeah…I’m with Sewer Rat. I think “hitting the heavy bag” is prolly just that; “hitting a heavy bag.” Those who truly enjoy cocaine and other drugs, and have been doing it for a while, don’t have to church it up or get cute about it. They just say “I’m doing some cocaine tonight.”
08.05.09 at 9:56 am
Utter shit.
08.05.09 at 10:44 am
I think the visual image of him hitting a punching bag and listening to hard music in front of a bird’s nest is funnier than just snorting coke to hard music in front of a bird’s nest.
08.05.09 at 11:22 am
well, the smart ones in here also picked up on that.
THX DAD.
08.05.09 at 11:35 am
ha ha…from Yahoo Answers:
I smeared feces on an open wound and now its really infected and turning black. What should I do?
Anyways I had this cut on my scrotum (don’t ask how) and I heard human feces was a sort of antiseptic cleanser thing cuz it has natural medicine in it. So I smeared my own poop on my scrotum and let it sit there overnight (don’t ask how) and now it’s so inflamed and turning black and it really hurts (and stinks). What should I do?
08.05.09 at 3:22 pm
i have this deep underlying feeling that something bad is going to happen and things are not going to be ok.
maybe its the caffiene
08.05.09 at 11:29 pm
[...] was surprised by how irritating I found your post about the birds to be. I hate you “cidiots” who summer up here in the country and walk around wondering [...]
08.06.09 at 10:47 am
OHHHH! Heavy bag! That makes sense now. I feel much much better.
08.07.09 at 2:57 am