I remember when my girlfriend first uttered the phrase “donkey punch” in casual conversation. It was early on in our relationship and a little lightbulb with a beanie cap (the kind with helicopter wings, not an American toque) went off in my adolescent brain: “true love”. This morning, riding the train to work I flipped open my complimentary copy of “am New York” and read a review on page 12 of the new film, “Donkey Punch”. To quoth:
“Three British girls on vacation in Spain meet four boys from London who are working on a yacht. The boys suggest taking out the yacht, and their wild night of drugs takes a dangerous turn when on of the guys tries out the potentially fatal sexual move of the title. The resulting tragedy turns the party into a dangerous game of survival of the fittest”.
Does this seem like the most out-of-this-world movie-going experience possible? This wasn’t made on a dare (see “Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe”), nor was it financed by a cabal of Scientologists (see Battlefield Earth: A Saga of The Year 3000). This is a wide-release Hollywood film about a dude fucking a girl in the ass and punching her in the head as he’s about to come so that her anal cavity tightens and he achieves a more fulfilling orgasm. Feature length. (That’s what she said?) Am I losing my mind? Or does everyone get a bit of carte blanche now that Obama’s planning to close Guantanamo Bay?
-Nick Diamonds I S L A N D S
Howie Doo
Leave a Reply
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
No thanks, I’ma wait for the Cleveland Steamer flick due this summer…
01.28.09 at 1:43 pm
i watched the previews on comingsoon.net (that’s what she said?) and thought the same thing
01.28.09 at 1:47 pm
Man I had a chance to see this for FREE last weekend and some writer/producer/director something was going to be there. I feel like a first class idiot for missing out.
Also, I’ve seen this trailer several times lately while watching arsty fartsy stuff like Godard re-releases or Waltz with Bashir. What the fuck? Could they market to the wrong audience any worse? Yesterday I saw The Wrestler and they had a trailer for He’s Not That Into You. What the fuck? Could I be any angrier? I submit to you, no.
01.28.09 at 1:50 pm
Who does this shit?
01.28.09 at 2:17 pm
After “Teeth”, it became acceptable for a film to revolve around deviant sexual acts. In fact, it’s hip. Every maneuver has it’s own screenplay now. I’m currently shopping “Lumpy Whirlybird” to all the major studios.
01.28.09 at 2:38 pm
Why is it so hard for the guy to just ask the woman to bear down or flex during anal and they are about to cum? nooooo they have to punch you in the back of the fucking head so you tighten up. I’m just saying, I think most chicks who get down with anal are willing to put in a little effort for their man to make it as good as possible.
Plus, unless you are used to fucking infants, the asshole is a sphincter sooo it is prob tight enough on its own. This boggles my mind! Now I am going to have to see this fucking movie.
01.28.09 at 3:20 pm
someone should write to Jules Jordan and tell him Weapons of Ass Destruction 9 should be released in theaters. Ummg I hope Jenna Haze is in it.
01.28.09 at 3:22 pm
I’m guessing the title was designed to rile up the “conservative” elements in this country, creating a mini-mediastorm pseudocontroversy.
The studios don’t have to pony up any money to market this piece of shit so they’ll let people get all outraged over it giving it way more publicity than if it had been entitled “teen thriller tripe.” Granted, I’m making this assessment based on the title of the movie and not knowing whether it has any real artistic merit. But I’m not exactly going out on a limb by saying it’s probably a total piece of shit.
Anyway I’m sure the Tucker Max crowd will eat this up…
01.28.09 at 4:01 pm
donkey lemonade:
are you seriously giving a film called “Donkey Punch” the benefit of the doubt? “well, admittedly, i haven’t SEEN it, so, maybe John C. Reily shows up and puts in a particularly spirited performance”
no. no that does not happen. also when did donkey punching someone become “potentially lethal”. is one of these cheeky londoners actually the hulk?
01.28.09 at 5:04 pm
i torrented this about a month ago.
its not a horrible film. i was entertained. the first act was well plotted. the story moves along at the correct pace and the sound track, while annoying indie pop, worked well for this film.
its a decent horror movie with a couple of hot english broads getting naked a fucking some hairlipped (i’m not kidding) chav with drugs i’ve never heard of.
now dont get confused here. the chicks are uk 8 and 9s but on an NYC scale they’re loose 6s to high 7s
and the hottest one doesn’t get naked, naturally.
01.28.09 at 5:35 pm
and yet the Blumpkin doesn’t have a movie. for shame hollywood (and dollywood and bollywood and nollywood…).
01.28.09 at 5:36 pm
Please kids PLEASE read this and take it to heart:
Ostensibly, donkey punches seem real innocent and “we’re just having fun and all,” but THINK next time you do it. Sure no one likes to be “uncool” and wear a condom – ’specially when you’re cock-deep in some bitch’s(or dude’s – I don’t judge) shit cutter and about to punch his/her lights out, but remember the reason you’re pulling a D-punch. You want that MIND-blowing tightness that can only be achieved from knocking the ever-loving fuck out of someone. Hopefully, once concussed, their asshole will involuntarily contract like a boa constrictor and milk your nuts empty – right in their colon.
A condom is NECESSARY to make it that 1 mili tighter! Plus you won’t get shit on your dick – which has never happened to me, but I heard it’s not that uncommon.
The more you know.
01.28.09 at 6:25 pm
wait wait wait wait wait
if you try the Donkey Punch, chances are that your victim will not be knocked out. Seriously. How easy is it to knock somebody unconscious with a fist to the back of the skull while your dick is inside of them? It’s insane. It’s fucked up. There’s no way you could do it. I’d bet you $500 that you couldn’t do it. You’d punch her and she’d scream all “whhaaat tha fuuuucck?” and turn around and look at you are pure shit
01.29.09 at 1:34 am
…and pallywood (my favorite of the woods)
01.29.09 at 3:18 am
Aim for the temple!
01.29.09 at 2:53 pm
no one actually does donkey punches. its a dumb urban legend made up by 14 year olds
01.29.09 at 3:44 pm
if your cool enough to be banging a chic in the ass, your not gonna be dumb enough to punch her.
01.29.09 at 3:45 pm