The Oxford-English dictionary defines feral children as, “Hirsute boys with dirty faces that can jump up to 15 feet if startled. Their tethered manes are used both as a warning to predators and a signal to female ferals that it’s time to mate.” Googling feral children brings up over 100 trillion hits. What’s with that! Since the beginning of time people have been asking that question so rhetorically it doesn’t even get a question mark.

Rome was supposubly built in a day by twin Romulans who were raised by wolves. Back then almost all feral children were European. Today they all seem to come primarily from the Ukraine where negligent alcoholics will leave their child with dogs while they go on a quest for more vodka.
Did you know that if a child is left to fend for himself the left side of his brain will become so bored it will turn to mush? It’s true. That’s why most people who try to civilize ferals get very annoyed with the lack of progress after the setting-the-table / wearing-an-actual-shirt part. Moral of the story? Leave it alone. You don’t need the headache.

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