I wanted to figure out why we started doing something so crazy as inhaling hot smoke, so I tried to look up when humans began smoking, but it was hard to find an even general starting point. Then it came to me: People started smoking to get laid.
Smoking has always been about getting laid, but has evolved from the original reason: to keep an ember burning. As hunters and gatherers, humans had to move often. To leave a fire behind, one could simply light a smoke and have fire at their finger tips. The original lighter was a cigarette, or a pipe. Before there was money and right after blind strength, fire became the power / currency of the planet. This is why when you smoke it feels so liberating, because it is ingrained in us to do so, as much as talking. It has been shown that smoking is harder on women — this isn’t because women are weaker, but because they haven’t been smoking for as long as men. Why would a cavewoman smoke, if that’s how a dude is gonna get her to bang?
From there smoking evolved to have other advantages, like:
1. CIGARETTES CONNECT YOU WITH OTHERS
Smoking gives strangers a way to connect. A cigarette is one of the only things that you are allowed to ask a stranger for and still seem polite. If you go out to a bar and are standing alone staring at all the girls, you look creepy. If you have a cigarette, you just look like a guy smoking.
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2. CIGARETTES MAKE YOU LOOK COOL
Smoking is the second coolest thing you can do, other than moving out of your parents’ house when you turn 18. Cigarettes are the rebellious young adults version of a kids candy. Being young and having a cigarette shows that you have so much life left that it doesn’t matter if you kill yourself a little. People who smoke after 25 are trying to show they are still hip. The only parents I have ever met that smoke are the “cool” ones, the ones who don’t tell your parents when you threw up and shat yourself in their living room because you were on mushrooms. Also, it’s always your friend’s hot mom who smokes that lets you see a little sideboob.
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3. CIGARETTES ARE MOTIVATIONAL
When I stop smoking, my life turns to shit. I use each cigarette as a reward for whatever task I am doing. By making cigarettes a reward, I complete my task quicker, to get my fix. Smoking also gives you the ability to take a break from work. I have never heard someone ask if they could go outside to fuck with their phone for 5 minutes. Smoking makes you go outside more.
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4. CIGARETTES ARE GOOD FOR THE FUTURE
Cigarette smokers are also making our future generations’ lungs stronger, making it so that they can breath in the polluted skies of tomorrow. Fuck global warming. Just light a cigarette, and your kids will be fine.
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6. CIGARETTES MAKE YOU SEXY
Smoking makes you cooler, independent, daring, youthful, social, and sexy. Look at James Dean, he didn’t die of lung cancer and cigarettes made him a sex symbol. And he was only 5′5 and had moobs.
So keep it up smokers.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4411 access attempts in the last 7 days.
#2 looks like she would get loaded, do her daughter’s teenage boyfriend and then look back on the experience and say, “That was fun!!!!!”
11.25.09 at 11:03 am
Then a whole fucking city (that used to have some hair on its chest) gets all whiny about smoking.
WTF, NEW YORK???? I thought you were cool.
11.25.09 at 11:39 am
We’re gonna find the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
11.25.09 at 12:26 pm
I hear this. Tip: To maximize your potential, start lighting cigarettes with a gun (a real one and not one of those cheesed out liquor store novelty lighters).
11.25.09 at 12:32 pm
ugh. fuck smoking. and I am a daily smoker. I wish I never started. I love the things but they are fucking retarded and not cheap…….oh wait, I roll my own….ok, still I fucking hate them, I dont think I am any cooler, I am cool out of GP.
11.25.09 at 1:42 pm
This is fuckign stupid. “The only thing cooler than smoking is moving out of your parents house”. Go back to junior high you fucking loser.
11.25.09 at 2:36 pm
lol Moron still lives with the parents. “No babe we wont wake them up!….and for the last time BECAUSE ITS CHEAPER!!”
11.25.09 at 2:47 pm
I never smoked, and let me tell you, my life sucked.
11.25.09 at 4:26 pm
i think this is fucking hilarious
11.25.09 at 4:41 pm
Moron is such a fuckin moron…
11.25.09 at 4:42 pm
Meeeting a friend’s mom who looks like that is as realistic as the photoshopped cig itself.
11.25.09 at 5:35 pm
cigg = ’sideboob’
11.25.09 at 5:56 pm
Boy, I sure would like to slide my tumor into #2. Anyways, I started smoking a few months ago because Blognigger smokes (it must be cool then, right?), but I got hip to the lameness and quit 8 days ago. It’s kinda weird because I’m feeling the need to angrily eviscerate a kitten right about now. Is that weird when you’re quitting squares or is it normal?
11.25.09 at 7:31 pm
I smoked for awhile, then I quit. Sometimes I go out and have a couple smokes in an evening, then other times I don’t. Sometimes I buy them, other times i bum them off friends. I don’t know, I can’t commit to anything, I’m like a man without a family, a country, an identity. Fucking tobacco has destroyed my chance at a normal life. WHY CAN’T I FEEL?
11.25.09 at 7:45 pm
you obviously didn’t search hard enough if you haven’t figured out the history of tobacco. its pretty well documented and taught in low level u.s. history courses at the collegiate level. while you’re at it, you should also take some creative writing courses. your writing sucks shit stained penises.
11.25.09 at 11:07 pm
Is there a link to some porn with that MILF? Seriously. Seriously!
11.26.09 at 2:07 am
MaltLikkaSippa
Noone ever said anything abut tobacco as the source of smoking…
11.26.09 at 2:27 am
@ MaltLikkaSippa
Fuck smoking tobacco, fuck low-level collegiate U.S. history of tobacco, and fuck creative writing classes. Damn. Three strikes before you even mentioned sucking shit-stained penises…
11.26.09 at 4:03 am
also keeps you skinny
11.26.09 at 7:25 am
I didn’t know James Dean had moobs! This is the best news I’ve heard all week!
11.26.09 at 8:28 am
I had to quit, a pack is nearing $12!!! in NYC. What’s up with that BLOOMBERG!
11.26.09 at 2:30 pm
hahaha…did I hurt someone’s feelings? awwww….
cry me a river faggots. niggaz know yall are gayed out HARD. maybe if you got the dicks out your asses you’d see that. hahaha. get yourselves an education sons.
11.26.09 at 2:32 pm
my dog has AIDS. and it smokes.
11.26.09 at 8:52 pm
CIGARETTES DIPPED IN LSD
11.27.09 at 9:35 pm
only thing cooler than smoking is being bisexual
11.29.09 at 6:12 pm
orly?? r u srs!? im totzz bi! itz hawt && scene ^.^ ohemgee iiiii smoke toooooo!!!! onli mi dadz wen i c@n nick 1!!!LOLzz
11.30.09 at 9:42 am
Poor Moron has no sense of the ironic
01.26.10 at 11:46 pm