Wimbledon has admitted to purposely having good-looking women players, regardless of tournament ranking, play their matches on prestigious Centre Court at the expense others. It’s babe central: All England Style. And as you might imagine, it’s upsetting to the best lady tennis players in the world. For you non-athletes this calculated move would be like Pet Shop Boys opening for Danity Kane.
Promoters even pitched an early round match specifically as “The Battle of the Babes!” But why the hullabaloo over beautiful boobs and fuzzy balls tucked into knickers? More men than women watch sports so stacking the marquee events with hot chicks dressed in white and prepared to roll sweatily around in the grass is a marketing no brainer. It’s the world’s oldest equation, Babes = Eyeballs. Besides why shouldn’t the rest of draw be forced to work their way up the ladder of success like other ugly women? Send complaints of perceived misogyny to Bacardi and enjoy a Pimm’s Cup with your sexy tennis. It’s the English way.
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first ya ras
07.01.09 at 9:19 am
Hey Trip, you forgot to mention the noises they make when they hit the ball. The “athletic” ones tend to grunt while the “hot” ones tend to make more orgasmic sounding noises.
07.01.09 at 9:26 am
The grunts in women’s tennis are just like the sounds coming from my sadist neighbor’s apt but the tennis babes look less damaged after all is said and done.
07.01.09 at 9:32 am
Commenters popping on to claim “first” need to go back to Fail Blog and drinking their WoW Mountain Dew.
07.01.09 at 9:39 am
I’d rather watch Maria Sharapova grunt a squat in a metal bucket than watch Roger Federer win a tie breaker in the finals. I guess I’m what you call a casual fan.
07.01.09 at 9:45 am
^^not me.
And remind me when the grunting is on, cause I might watch this. However, it should only be a coincidence when you get two (or one) hot girls grunting, and yelping on the tennis court. Fuck it. Now it would just feel like watching porn or something. Nice article Trace.
07.01.09 at 9:46 am
What a fucking excellent campaign. “A disgusting new promotional site for Bacardi Breezers says all that women need to be more attractive is to find an more unattractive female friend to stand next to.”
If you’ve ever ran across ads from fat chicks on any dating site one of the first things you notice about their photos is this:
1.) flattering 3/4 profile from the shoulders up (main photo)
2.) fat girl posing with hot friends
3.) cat
Should all of the hot girls get pissed that the fatsos are free riders on their hard work at staying in shape? How funny would it be if hot girls started refusing to be photographed with fat girls in protest? “This is going on your facebook, isn’t it?”
07.01.09 at 9:46 am
vegan jules sux
07.01.09 at 9:52 am
You keep missing words out.
07.01.09 at 9:58 am
blue balls anyone?
07.01.09 at 10:00 am
Thank goodness I only watch curling.
07.01.09 at 10:38 am
Any of y’all ever seen Simona Halep? That woman made a tennis fan out of me – http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/17-year-old-simona-halep-is-shot-jaw-dropper-23512
Too bad she had a breast reduction recently. Sad day for sports.
07.01.09 at 12:13 pm
@ ZIPPY
LMAO That’s funny.
I think hot chicks would make golf a lot more bearable as well.
07.01.09 at 12:35 pm
^^queer
07.01.09 at 12:55 pm
Trust me professional female athletes are not that great. They need constant protein intake from meat and so they are always farting. Their high levels of hormones cause them to have a lot of asshole hair too. And if you ever got near their vagina after a workout the smell would make you crawl out the window. I remember hearing a story from a professional gymnast who said the Romanian and Russian girls wouldn’t clean their uniforms so they would reek of BO and piss, some even had vaginal discharge stains on the gusset.
07.01.09 at 1:16 pm
I heard they played the Benny Hill Theme for the entirety of those matches.
07.01.09 at 3:07 pm
@Vegan Jules,
You’re right I am very queer for wanting to watch hot young women in short skirts run around instead of dudes. That’s what I always thought was queer as well.
Good on ya for pointing out my glaring oversight. I’ll try to focus more on big dicks in asses instead from now on to be less queer.
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
07.01.09 at 7:33 pm
@Coach Tomkins
Are you gay? You sound like sports babes refusing to wash is in some way not massively boner-inducing.
As for asshole hair, these women are clearly totally hairless.
07.02.09 at 7:53 am
‘More men than women watch sports so stacking the marquee events with hot chicks dressed in white and prepared to roll sweatily around in the grass is a marketing no brainer.’
The thing is, though, that I’d argue the majority of male tennis fans – real tennis fans, not the ‘casual’ ones like Zippy above – don’t really watch women’s tennis because they don’t consider it a real sport.
And so the whole thing becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and a vicious circle. ‘Hot babes’ are promoted over the best players => women’s tennis becomes all about the hot babes to the casual viewer because that’s the way it’s, yanno, promoted => anyone with a genuine interest in tennis as a sport either loses interest or gravitates towards ‘real’ aka. ATP tennis => women’s tennis is further devalued => PR people feel the need to promote new hot babes to boost ratings => in so doing, they keep losing the long-term fans who actually care about tennis => and so on.
A smidgeon of common sense would do them good, but I suppose leggy blondes and a glass of Pimms trump all else, really. Pip-pip.
07.02.09 at 9:06 am
Come to think of it, why should they have tennis players at all? They would get the same results by hiring models to bounce around the court in short white skirts, grunting and splashing each other with Evian. That way, they could eliminate all the boring stuff AND they wouldn’t have to worry about the finals being just two ugly chicks hitting the ball with their ugly tranny arms (which is what most finals are). Win-win!
07.02.09 at 9:14 am
You guys weren’t bullshitting. Watching Wimbledon now and it’s Love serving Love
07.02.09 at 11:05 am