As you warned…

Today at 7:31 am EST, NASA blasted the moon with two rockets: one to smash into it and the other to detect water vapor in the resulting silt cloud.

JOHN JAMES GILBERT, 38, SWEET HOME, OREGON

What do you think about those rockets they smashed into the moon this morning?

That’s wild. I didn’t know about it.

What do you think they’re hoping to learn about the water vapor?

They want to see if the moon has a way to inhabit life.

Current life on the moon?

No, previous life.

Do you think humans on earth might someday have to move to a different planet someday?

Not in the near-future, but the distant future.

How long is that?

50 years.

What do you see happening in that span of time that may cause a global interstellar move?

Well, with all the polar ice we won’t have Northern Winds and so the Earth will heat up and burn to a crisp. Eventually we’ll have to go to the moon because it’s cooler up there. That’s what they’re trying to figure out with the moon rockets—if we can inhabitat life there or on Mars.

Check out my theory: The ice caps melt and Earth swells with water—in doing so, it actually becomes wider in circumference. Because it is then closer to the Sun, excess ocean water evaporates, turning into vapor which the solar winds then blow into the atmosphere of the moon.

Yeah, probably.

You agree?

Yeah, I think something to that effect would happen.

ASHLEY COLE, 19, BROWNSVILLE, BROOKLYN

Why waste all this money trying to measure lunar water vapor?

You tell me. Because there are things about it they don’t know, I guess.

Do you think there is enough water on the moon for people to live there?

I don’t think there is enough water there.

Do you think the world will ever get so polluted that people will try to move somewhere else?

Probably—if it gets that nasty.

What does your nasty-meter look like?

If the water gets all brown and we can’t take showers no more. People could stop dumping their cars in the rivers—and that’s just to begin with.

[FAR RIGHT] MARTIN WHITE*, 63, MUNICH, GERMANY

Hey Marty. What do you think about those rockets they smashed into the moon?

Let me show you some more of my drawings. Here, take a picture of our sign. It reads, “America’s Economic Problems were predicted by Marx and Lennon, not planned by the president.” My nickname is “The Professor.”

Where do you teach?

Here’s a drawing where I tell John the Panhandler how I lost a job at Harvard teaching World History and politics. Parents pay a lot of money for their education, and Professor Marshall*, Professor Fisher* and I made sure they got their money’s worth. B.F. Skinner didn’t like Professor Marshall teaching the students to think for themselves. He complained to the Board of Regents that the Psychology department doesn’t want Professor Marshall back because “One Dr. Thomas Hasas* is enough.” The Math & Physics department doesn’t want Fisher—one John Nash is enough. And the History department doesn’t want me because one Todd Cole* was enough. You go to school to learn to do a job and the Ohio National Guard tries to kill you. They didn’t want me equating Alison Kraust at Kent State to Crispin Attucks at the Boston Massacre. They didn’t want me to compare the Ohio National Guard to General Gage’s Redcoats. They should have thought about that when they threatened to kill me. And they expect me to white-wash their actions? Uh-uh.

So you taught in the late 60s, early 70s?

Yeah, this was at Harvard, that big ol’ ivy joint over in Cambridge. You wanna see something growing ivy on it? Go to Central Europe. We’re like the non-persons in 1984. They throw all the records in the memory hole and they pretend they never heard of ya.

-PETER MADSEN

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