Barack Obama’s estranged half brother surfaced in China with a semi-autobiography for sale.

SARAH KRANTZ, 41, GREENWICH VILLAGE, MANHATTAN

You just said people in America are lazy.

No. People in other countries are lazy. Americans pull their load. I used to go to school and I worked two jobs. Then I would come home and do cooking and cleaning and I used to drive people around but nobody appreciated me. Now I don’t have to talk to anybody.

Barack Obama’s brother, who lives in China, just came out with a book. He is married to a Chinese lady, he teaches piano to orphans and likes calligraphy—

—Is he American?

I’m not sure. He’s at least a Chinese citizen.

Well, there’s a lot of poor and uneducated Chinese people that grab money off American men so they can live better than some of us. I think they should get a job.

Chinese people?

Yes, they’re very lazy. I see it everywhere: in the subway and on every corner in lower Manhattan.

Do you consider Mark Obama Ndesandjo’s semi-autobiography as an example of Chinese people profiting off American hard-work and success?

Yes. Americans do buy the book, and they do vacation in Chinese countries, but the Chinese don’t give a damn about Americans. You should elect me for president; I’ll make things right for Americans.

What changes would you make?

I would cut off aid to foreign countries. I don’t care if they want to eat. Why are there homeless in America?

Well, I think—

Because Americans are stupid and the foreigners don’t care either.

JOHN FOWLER, 49, TIMES SQUARE, MANHATTAN

Should we be disappointed that Barack’s brother’s book allegedly sheds no new light on the Obamas?

I don’t know if we can trust him to give us the family juice. Imagine if you were in his shoes and you realize, “hey, my own brother is the president of the United States of America.” Are you going to start selling Billy Beer? It does matter what you’re trying to sell but I think all things like this are, boiled down, money-things.

Aren’t most book authors interested in money?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sarah Palin is putting out a book, and the kid who got her daughter all messed up out of the game—he’s talking on all these shows. He’s trying to make money, too. And you want to talk about the Almighty Buck.

Since we live in a capitalist society, can we be faulted for functioning?

I don’t think so because mankind is a highly faulted animal in the first place. We’re trained from birth to go after the dollar. Every once in a while I’ll meet somebody for whom money is genuinely not their first concern. I try to be one of those people, and look what it cost me, man. I’d be on the street if it weren’t for my wife, who loves me and I’m very, very lucky. I haven’t had a real job in five years—but not for lack of trying. I don’t really fit into the mold, so I suppose I’m going to have to change myself in some respects. But can I fault us, as society, for going after the dollar? Not without being a hypocrite, man.

What’s the state of the union?

You talk about American poverty… people come over here and they’re like, “What poverty are you talking about?” Here you can go to three different food spots any day of the week and get really good meals. Pastor Dianne’s spot over there on Wednesdays and Saturdays? Oh, yeah; good stuff. I’m a believer but I don’t evangelize.

SHYTIQUE W, 16, BEDFORD-STUYVESANT, BROOKLYN

Are these peripheral family members cashing in or are they lending valuable insight into the lives of the culturally and politically important?

I think they’re adding valuable insight.

Should we be disappointed that only a little bit of Mark Ndesandjo’s semi-autobiography is about president Obama?

I don’t think so. I also don’t think it’s OK to bring out people’s information like that without permission. Obama himself commented on their father being drunk and violent. Why are you trying to put more dirt on Obama? That would tick me off if I was him.

Who would read a book about the half brother of Barack Obama?

His viewers. Also, people who want to see what the life of his half brother was like.

Who’s the most famous celebrity hanger-on?

Britney Spears’ sister. I think she should have taken her music career and things a little bit slower.

What would you say to Britney Spears’ sister if she were to read this interview?

I wouldn’t pay the Spears sisters any mind.

Why not?

Because right now I’ve got my eyes on a girl at school.

-PETER MADSEN

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This entry was posted on 11.05.09 at 8:08 pm by Peter Madsen. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. You can E-mail it to a friend.
5 Comments
  1. Sneaky Christopher Says:

    boner alert http://www.purple-diary.com/post/232366754/aurel-schmidt-at-the-tv-baby-concert-at-pianos


  2. Penis Face Killah Says:

    Hope Shytique’s crush reads this she’ll be cowed — dude turned down hypothetical Spears sister for her!


  3. Clayton. Says:

    Wow. These just keep getting better.


  4. kuntz Says:

    SHYTIQUE???


  5. BZM Says:

    how do you even pronounce that? what does the boner alert have to do with Obama’s brother?


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