I’m not even that old, but I’m pretty sure there was a time in my childhood when mythical beasts were associated with the majestic and terrifying, not just with the subset of defective people that can only get off while imagining a giant Griffin eating them whole and then letting themselves be digested slowly through the intestinal tract (it’s called Vore, and it’s real). Now I feel like nothing is sacred that hasn’t been destroyed by some internet fetish community; not cute bunnies (furries), not adorable stuffed animals (plushies), not even creepily detailed and anatomically correct life-size dolls. Somewhere out there, someone was looking at that My Sized Barbie you got for your birthday and wondering where to cut the holes. Frownie points.
But there is one subset that I thought the internet could never touch, just because no offense, why would they when there are so many weirder and anthropomorphic animal/cockmonster hybrids out there? I was laughably wrong.
Welcome to the world of Bad Dragon, where you can get squirting dildos of every size and animal shape, including The Orkin, “a full 12.75 inches of usable length is all you need for any kind of seagoing play” that d’uh, comes with its own bottle of “Bad Dragon’s cum-lube.” Look how happy that cartoon whale looks! What kind of disconnect does someone have to have in order to see a happy cartoon whale and think “I wonder how much of its gigantic, tube-like cock could fit up my asshole?” 12.5 inches? That’s a FOOT of fake cock. There’s videos for this shit too, but I won’t burden you with that responsibility.
The Water Horse freaks me out to because how can you know what an undersea dragon’s cock looks like? It’s just a plain misrepresentation, since it’s obviously just taken the design from some Japanese alien sucky sex monster. Let’s call a spade a spade here, shall we? I mean, a regular dragon’s cock has testicles, but the water dragon doesn’t? At least let’s have some consistency in our monstrosities.
There’s a whole host more disgusting, sad pieces of silicone that make you long for the days of Real Dolls and their relative normality, but I’ll let you explore on your own. I’ve got to go get off by watching two dogs go at it in McCarren park, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4420 access attempts in the last 7 days.
I didnt want to click the link because i’ve been using one of my neighbors wireless networks because im cheap but i did any. And ive got to say, as much a don’t want to think about the people who buy this shit and what they do with it, designing these has these has to b a laugh riot. Time to put my BFA to good use!!!
07.28.09 at 11:12 am
The Orca stands out proudly, cast in beautiful Bad Dragon silicone. Sleek, yet fluidly tapered and contoured, the Orca is indeed an orgasmic crescendo perfect to add to one’s treasure trove of toys. Starting off at a mere half inch wide and tapering out to an average thickness of 2 inches, the tip offers a gentle introduction to the journey to come. As one dives deeper, the pressure intensifies as the bulk of its shaft makes itself known. It tapers out to a filling 5 and a half inches wide, to give experienced handlers a thrilling experience. Safe and gradual, this cone based toy can be enjoyed at any depth and then some! A full 12.75 inches of usable length is all you need for any kind of seagoing play. This piece is designed equally for those new to deep-sea fishing as well as for those whom are not afraid to take on ‘The Big One’.
07.28.09 at 11:27 am
This is pointless. All anyone ever wants is a giant horsecock
07.28.09 at 11:49 am
“But there is one subset that I thought the internet could never touch…”
Why would you think that? I mean, not only think they wouldn’t touch it, but sit around thinking about dragon cocks, and “what if…”, and then “nah, they’re safe.” Serves you right.
07.28.09 at 12:10 pm
I have lead a very sheltered life, obviously.
07.28.09 at 1:00 pm
I like getting double teamed from behind by Commander Spock and Frodo Baggins with Kermit the Frog on top teabagging me.
07.28.09 at 7:55 pm
ugh. Mythical creatures are meant to scare the living hell out of you, remind you that nature is cruel, ruthless and will to eat you alive. It’s sad that we’ve finally slain them all, it’s pathetic to imagine them bringing you to orgasmic bliss.
07.28.09 at 9:08 pm
Best series on streetcarnage. Keep them cumming.
07.28.09 at 11:25 pm
funny and good and on-point. comments also.
07.28.09 at 11:31 pm
oh. my . god.
07.28.09 at 11:42 pm
[...] weird fetish groups I can gank from the Something Awful forums and pretend I just discovered (see: Bad Dragons, those weird skin latex freaks). If a girl blogs about dragon cocks in the forest and no one pays [...]
08.19.09 at 11:17 am