I know we took lots of shit from the Indians, but I’m having trouble remembering exactly when we pillaged their syntax.

XO
—TV CARNAGE

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Easily my favorite vintage-boot commercial. Believe it or not, there used to be subtlety in advertising; people weren’t spoon-feeding you the message.

XO
—TV CARNAGE

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It was always my ultimate romantic fantasy to be married to a big brawny, handsome firefighter and then spend hours nagging the shit out of him.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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If there’s one thing that I hate more than suits, it’s crowds.

XO
—TV CARNAGE

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I often find myself needing a quick overview of the painful, shameful, and agonizingly long death of my mother, as those types of things have a way of slipping my mind.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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While Craigslist rideshare is a great way to save money and the environment, it can be really hit-or-miss as far as the other passengers go.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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As a compulsive liar, it really makes no difference to me what I’m lying about: it could be what I ate for breakfast, how much change I have in my pocket, even my opinion on Happy Feet Two, I really couldn’t give a shit. It’s all about the rush, man.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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“I watched the dogs melt under my grandmother’s touch.” Yeah, not really surprised that’s an image that stays with you.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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The best way to find buried treasure is to outsource the finding, digging and accepting the wrath of the curse, and then just swoop in and take the chocolate coin.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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“I watched the dogs melt under my grandmother’s touch.” Yeah, not really surprised that’s an image that stays with you.

XO
-TV CARNAGE

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