“The Bristol Hotel cause it ain’t no thing
And her meat taste better than Burger King.”
–L.L. Cool J, Bristol Hotel

Keep Steve Jobs and his fagpods – whoever has been breathing new life into Burger King over the last 5 years should get a fucking medal.

I don’t get to go to Burger King very often because a) I’m a faggot and my wife and I eat tofu every night, and b) I can’t get there for lunch because there ARE NONE.

There are like no goddamn Burger Kings in Manhattan anymore (R.I.P. Fuckin oldschool 82st street in the 1980’s – after seeing Indiana Jones Temple of Doom at Lowes 84th?! can i get a witness?!?) and the ones that still are in Manhattan are staffed by blacks so lobotomized, lazy, scary, and slow that they make niggas lining up outside the Methadone Clinic look like Barack Obama’s financial crisis team.

But just because I don’t get to go to BK more than once or twice a year, let me quote my man Artie and say that there is not a five star restaurant on this planet that can produce something that tastes better than a Whopper at two in the morning.

I don’t know if you’ve been following their campaigns for the last few years, but whoever Burger King’s Steve Jobs is deserves to be blown by 78 virgins. This nigga said “fuck it, we number two. Let’s be number two HARD.”

Finally kids, the nuke: WhopperVirgins.com. Burger King sends niggas out to fourth-world countries like some Sam Kinison ass shit: They make the Khalari Bushmen compare Whoppers to BigMacs in exploitative genius.

Tightass faggots cry and complain their PC cunts out, but Burger King keeps their pimp hand strong, racks in the publicity, and the Bushmen of the Kalahari have a new fucking god.

Shut your Chamomile Tea holes: The Whopper is the greatest thing that has ever happened to these people. Believe me, visit them in 20 years and the little browns will be worshiping the leftover wrapper like it’s C3P0, passing tales of the benevolent King down to their distended-bellied flypaper children via oral tradition.

Meet me here at 1:00 PM.

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We’re doing so well for luxuries these days we’re convinced everything is our God-given right. If we don’t get our cable, internet or fast food delivered immediately, we think a crime has been committed and the police will be happy to intervene on our behalf. The above video is from a guy who wasn’t happy with the contents of his Subway sandwich.

Here’s us (TV Carnage’s D Erick Beckles) doing the same thing from our prank calls radio show. And here’s a woman who called 9-11 because Burger King was closed.

Burger King 911 Call – Watch more free videos

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