I come back from seeing everyone wearing keffiyehs in Iraq to seeing everyone wearing keffiyehs in California. The term Urban Outfitters has never been more ironic.

I come back from seeing everyone wearing keffiyehs in Iraq to seeing everyone wearing keffiyehs in California. The term Urban Outfitters has never been more ironic.

That trend is kind of dying though. After attending a few shows outside of Echo Park, I now see kids growing their hair down to their ass, wearing Exodus, Overkill, and Anthrax t-shirts, tapered jeans, bullet belts, and motorcycle jackets. All I have to ask is, “Where the Hell were these kids when I went to high school?”

I come back to the Southland only to witness thrash metal/crossover kids completely dominating every other rock subculture in full force.

You might be rolling your eyes now, and yeah I know there’s been a thrash metal revival for a while but it has grown exponentially in the past year. But somehow the press is still pushing for garage punk and all those post-punk bands. Even though that shit was a fucking GODSEND back in 2001. This was when all those nu-metal rap bands were peaking and people actually took the Insane Clown Posse seriously. Once the masses started to like the other crap we said good bye to those bands and said hello to less (or even more) irritating bandwagons to follow.

I grew up in the worst years of heavy metal. I graduated high school in ‘05 (how old did that make you feel?) and by that time kids were still hardcore dancing and doing windmills listening to Lamb of God. Then there were the other side of the coin headbangers whose main obsession was Scandinavian black metal, castle music, and DragonForce. The only token thrash band to like was Slayer and early Metallica. Come to think of it, it was a bad time for punk too. Most guys were still vegan crusty punks or straight edge two-steppers. Oh and I almost forgot, every other kid still wasn’t over listening to grind core and all those GSL bands from San Diego like the Locust.

This is him in ‘04:

As for myself, I don’t know what the fuck I was going for:

When Municipal Waste came to Los Angeles for the first time in 2002, they were a three piece and played at the SMELL of all places. Back when the place actually allowed any band less art school than Abe Vigoda to perform. I saw CROM and Annihilation Time open for them a few months back only to see the would be metal heads and crusty punks of my high school days have united to become retro thrash punks. I was glad to see a pretty insane crowd with kids literally stage diving from the second floor. It’s as if 1986 never ended.

“I didn’t know Jimmy Eat World was still a problem”

Now since all that garage punk and post-punk bullshit has peaked, thrash metal will become the next big thing if it isn’t so now. But then I realized, actually talking to a lot of these guys who are only a few years younger than me, they are completely obsessed with thrash metal. It’s like there’s nothing more to life than that specific genre of music. Which probably means either they are fucked for life with that mentality or they are gonna drop it all, cut their hair, and shill out for college and indie rock. The way it is with things always changing, only time will tell.

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Today America chooses a new President. Not sure how it will affect how we fight the war. I’m guessing not at all. I got back recently. I couldn’t wait to get to UCLA and experience a “higher learning and progressive free thought.”

Today America chooses a new President. Not sure how it will affect how we fight the war. I’m guessing not at all. I got back recently. I couldn’t wait to get to UCLA and experience a “higher learning and progressive free thought.” I especially, could not wait to see free thinkers hold up signs calling guys like me baby killers. However, there has been NO anti-war protesters in sight for the past fucking two months. They used to do shit like wear orange jumps suits with bags over their heads reenacting waterboard torture on campus while people were walking to class. I loved laughing at their antics. Where did they go?

I have a feeling it’s because of the election. They figure if a guy with the middle name of Hussein gets in the White House everyone will join hands for world peace. I’m sure as soon as that happens the Sunni and Shiites will drop their AKs and suicide vests and sit down next to a burning Humvee singing “Kumbaya.” I’m pretty sure Afghanistan will become a hotbed for potatoes and not insurgent firefights. Only time will tell.

But it’s kinda weird not seeing anti-war protests anymore. I miss them. Those were good times. I’m guessing no one really gives a shit so much anymore and people are more worried about getting a job with their sociology *degree* then helping war victims in the Middle east. Shit, the only time things got uppity here on campus recently was during the Olympics when all the Tibetans and Chinks clashed.

Man, seeing all those Chinese pinko nationalists come out of the woodwork was a trip. I thought I was in the Cultural Revolution all over again.

Honestly from my own experience looking back, the scariest moments there were random sniper fire. *We didn’t know where it was coming from and then there was that mortar attack too close for comfort. * I guess it was cool to see a mortar land so close to you that you could see the pretty little sparks without seriously fucking you up. But when it happened, we all scattered like cockroaches when you turn the light on. I don’t know what it is about random people trying to kill you. It’s fucking way too surreal. But I ain’t going to shrink anytime soon claiming PTSD.

Now, I can tell you this grunt I know who was in the Battle of Fallujah. That city became a free fire zone after Americans were burned alive and hanged. He never wants to talk about anything he did in Iraq. Then I got him fucking drunk. Holy shit did he have some stories. He starting telling some gnarly shit like shooting this guy in the face with his M16. He told me it’s just like that scene in Full Metal Jacket where Gomer Pyle kills himself with a rifle. The brains shootout the other end like a cherry pie.

He got out of the Corps and he became a paramedic of all things. He seems all right but I would never get drunk around that guy again. What sets me off is that he has that “thousand yard stare.” That shit is no joke, some guys get it when they go through shit like that. It’s almost a lizard like gaze. I had a Drill Instructor who had the same thing. Weird.

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Dear Street Carnage,

I enjoy your dos and don’ts but I was not impressed with your interview with a WWII vet who justified the war.

Dear Street Carnage,

I enjoy your dos and don’ts but I was not impressed with your interview with a WWII vet who justified the war. I am equally put off by your “Iraq Report which provides a forum for soldiers who enjoy killing my fellow citizens.

I am an immigrant to America who moved here about 8 days before 9-11. This has led to much suspicion amongst people I meet here so I tend not to mention it. I would like you to know I do not support the war and do not think we are better off because of it. In fact, I believe I can prove to you the war is wrong with one very simple question: If this war is about stability in the Middle East, why did America choose a tiny minority that nobody likes, to be in charge? All of our neighbors are Sunni or something compatible. Shiite’s are a tiny minority in the Middle East, and forgive me for saying, they are savages.

Sunni’s are Muslim too but we are moderates who learn to encorporate the Koran with the modern world. We allow our women to drive and educate themselves. Where about 50% of our women cover their hair about 90% of Shiites do. However, a Shiite woman will not hesitate to sell herself for sex. They are a disgusting people who are hundreds of years behind us. This is why America chose them. They knew a Shiite government would overthrow Saadam without providing a new, stronger government. They knew it would throw a wrench in the works for the Middle East and prevent us from every being powerful again. It’s worth noting this is something that also benefits Israel very much.
In closing I would like you to think hard. Sorry to repeat myself but IF AMERICA WANTS STABILITY IN THE REGION WHY WOULD THEY CHOOSE A TINY UNLIKED GROUP LIKE THIS SHIITES?

Think about this the next time you support the war.

Muhammed J

Yes, that is my real name

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This cute little kitty decided to come over to our hooch and make itself comfortable on my buddy’s rack. Just look how sleepy it is. Ain’t it cute? There’s a lot of stray cats and dogs everywhere in Iraq. So it’s no surprise we crossed paths with this one. I read somewhere that domesticated cats originated from the Middle East. I like cats more than dogs especially here because you don’t have to walk cats and you don’t have to worry about it going crazy and mauling you. You definitely don’t want to get near any of the dogs in Iraq. They will bite you. It’s like they all have rabies or something. It almost makes you want to throw them over a cliff. The only dogs I trust in Iraq are the K9 attack dogs that MPs train on base. Those dogs are nice but they will jump right at somebody’s throat if commanded to do so. Otherwise they seem completely normal friendly pooches. I wish I had my own and it was trained to go straight for the nuts. That would be fun.

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For some reason, people don’t know that deserts have no humidity. If anyone reads this from the Southeast they would know the harsh “dry heat” weather is sort of a joke.

The way I beat the heat however, was not being there in the summer. My deployment was from September ‘07 to April ‘08 of this past year which the winter took a huge chunk of it. It was fucking COLD in the winter time. The winter season during the day is the only time when Iraq has weather that is decent. Once the sun goes down it gets cold as fuck. It even SNOWED in Iraq.

I wish I would have taken a picture of the ice that freezes over when you leave water out during the night. Basically, in Iraq, you are either sweating your balls off or freezing your balls off, or kinda pissed how everything reminds you of how awesome California is because of the palm trees.

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Sometimes there just some things you can’t do in Iraq.

Sometimes there just some things you can’t do in Iraq. We’ve got video games, all the food you could eat for free, 24 hour gyms, and third world people who clean your shit stains after you… But nothing beats all there is to do back home.

That doesn’t include American Apparel though. Boy, was I glad to find out even if I’m 1,000 miles away from any American Apparel in the world. American Apparel is never too far away from me. I always knew there was something a little special about my uniforms. I just like to thank Dov Charney for providing clothes for the troops that are both comfortable and stylish. Thanks Dov, you really put another spin on the phrase “dressed to kill.”

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I got an email about where I got these frames which I sport around all the time in Iraq. I was surprised why the hell anyone would WANT to wear them in the civilian world.

I got an email about where I got these frames which I sport around all the time in Iraq. I was surprised why the hell anyone would WANT to wear them in the civilian world. The military jargon used for issued glasses is BCGs (BIRTH CONTROL GOGGLES). They’re called BCG’s because they are dorky huge, and it was considered a deterrent for getting you laid wearing those things in public.

You get a special deal where you get BCs for free; all you need to do is sign your life away to an eight year government contract.

BCs are sturdy as fuck. I could shoot this bitch with a BB gun all day and wouldn’t scratch or dent the plastic lens. Now mind you it’s not unbreakable. I found out that out after I got punched in the face.

I learned that you should never call a Marine who’s a resident of the state of Georgia a “white trash piece of shit” after the redneck calls you a “gook tunnel rat.” It would lead to some unprofessional behavior. That’s why my Buddy Holly’s have electric tape on it.

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This kid runs the streets of Iraq. Do not fuck with him.

This kid runs the streets of Iraq. Do not fuck with him.

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Complacency Kills. All the higher ups say that and you see signs everywhere in Iraq with those two words.

Complacency Kills. All the higher ups say that and you see signs everywhere in Iraq with those two words. I guess most of the time since Iraq is boring as fuck, you can’t help get that way and you aren’t in the lookout of that sniper in the rooftop or that IED buried underneath the ground. Then of course that blue moon comes around in the form of a mortar attack heard across the distance or a blown up truck that rolls into the motor pool. In between staring at dirt and being bored out of your mind, such instances kinda help you realize the thought in your mind that says “Holy shit, I’m in Iraq.”

When that once in awhile scared shitless moments happen I do my best getting a camera to get pictures of it. These are million dollar trucks and humvees blown up looking like metal confetti. Seeing that shit usually pisses me off and I can only think I’m glad it wasn’t me in that thing when it went boom. It’s really aggravating sometimes because the entire country is like this. It was quite a different story a few years ago, but things don’t happen enough now that people become ho-hum in this “combat zone.” You can’t help it, if anyone got stuck like us out here they would start sunbathing out in the middle of the day too. You would be driving around Iraq surrounded by buildings that look like swiss cheese because of all the blown out windows and bullet holes, going across cities and towns straight out of scenes from the Road Warrior, and the main thing floating around your mind would be whether they’re serving spaghetti and meatballs today at the chow hall.

Sometimes the bullet holes and charred remnants of vehicles work my way into my head. I hope if I get hit with an IED it would be a really pussy one so that I will get a Combat Action Ribbon (CAR) but with all my limbs intact along with any other body part and bodily function. Maybe a little shrapnel across the eye would be cool so people will ask me of the great war story behind the scar. Girls will think that’s so hot.

God that would really suck if I lost an arm. I wouldn’t be able to play guitar anymore and it would be really hard cleaning after myself masturbating. Imagine if I lost both my arms? I guess losing my feet wouldn’t be so bad. I would save so much money on shoes. Have you seen how much a pair of Chucks cost now? It’s fucking outrageous. It would be kinda cool though because I always think about how I might be chosen into some crazy government program that will build me back up as a cyborg à la Robo Cop after losing all my shit in some blast. I would be the Million Dollar Asian Man. If they update me with a machine gun as a left hand and a bigger penis then I am so set for life.

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