When we say “Paris” what we really mean is “Pigalle and Montmarte and maybe a quick sojourn outside but very rarely because it feels kind of barren in the rest of the city.” We went there to visit SC contributor Anne Margreet and we dressed like tough guys from Mean Streets because French people are scared of New York and it’s fun to play into that stereotype. Here’s some stuff we noticed about the city that always sleeps…

GOOD FOOD

Parisians know that fat is bad but they don’t give a shit because fat is where the flavor is. So they let these chickens drip down on to potatoes that taste like running naked through an open field.

Jet lag can fuck with your appetite but who can say no to some steak frites? It’s like the bump of entreés.

-

POO GRAFFITTI

We all know fart jokes are about as funny as funny gets but who told the frogs? It seemed like every time we turned a corner there was another reference to shit on some piece of public property.

-

POO

As with most places outside of North America, the toilets are dry heave machines. Is there a water shortage going on? Why do these turds get fresh air?

Check this out. Dude couldn’t wait to finish his ice cream cone so he brought it in with him.

The problem with all this gross shit stuff is it tells your subconscious you don’t need to go to the bathroom. Next thing you know, you have to pass a bowling ball and, unless you’re a 70 year-old gay man, that is going to tear the shit out of your anal lips.

-

CONFUSING PHRASES

We asked about 5 people what “Fuk la Pranes” means and nobody could tell us. The Internet didn’t have shit to say either.

-

GOOD SHOES

These were at the Sonia Rykiel store. You could basically stick these on your dad and you’d still get a boner.

This was also in the Rykiel window.

-

TITILLATION

The French have always been way ahead of us when it comes to sex and nudity and horsing around. This can be seen almost everywhere.

-

NEAT-O ART

France shuts down at around 10PM so if you want a burger at 11, you had better know a native. Anne Margreet took us to this amazing restaurant where we got pie-eyed and stared at the things on the wall. This is from a photo shoot Anya Phillips did with Mick Jagger. She started the Mudd Club and then died.

“Art History” by Serbian artist Vuk Vidor. You can buy it here.

-

OLD BUILDINGS

Though the streets are a little too wide for our liking (they told us it was to allow the French army to pass through), it’s pretty hard to beat the architecture. Imagine you lived on the top floor here? Your whole body would have a piss hard on every morning.

-

NEW YORK MODELS

Chloë modeling a Chloe fragrance for Chloe.

Sissel
-

PIERRE LE CARRÉ

If you are ever in Paris you have to go to a place called Noctambules on Boul. de Clichy. Used to be, every night a guy named Pierre Carré would sing these ridiculous anthems about traveling all over the world which were hilarious because he played there every night for 42 years so how the fuck could he have ever been to “Meh-x-i-c-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!”? He’s old now though and doesn’t get to perform as often but if he does, go see him and kiss yourself on the lips because you just became good luck!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

These shots of Alice Dellal posing around Paris in a bonafide motorcycle dress (and not just a leather anything deemed the “moto” item, which is what every designer calls their foray into black leather) are so incredibly killer.

These shots of Alice Dellal posing around Paris in a bonafide motorcycle dress (and not just a leather anything deemed the “moto” item, which is what every designer calls their foray into black leather) are so incredibly killer. I really think she is probably the only person who could pull this off and maybe not just in a magazine.

Jen Hanley
Gnarlitude.com

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.