When I was a kid I kept seeing these ads. I felt proud to be black or half-black because the rasins were obviously black. In fact I realized I am half flake and half raisin (black and white) and I am half flake and half raisin in real life too.

So, I really got into it. I felt empowered as a person of raisin decent. It was my personal Blackened Historical Month with shitloads of wrinkles. I started wearing raisin-inspired fashion: sunglasses, bow ties, white gloves, and an attitude problem with a healthy dose of innocuous Motown in order to BIG CHILL me out.

Then one day I went, “WAIT! I look like a fucking minstrel.” Then my mom who is of the Caucasian persuasion said, “What are you racist against blacks?” Then I went, “HOLY FUDGE ALL-MIGHTY” everyone has these California Raisins hanging from their rear-view mirrors like they were being lynched. Then I went, “Well, thank GOD it’s a rainbow conspiracy of race, creed and religion.”

I felt good again ’cause I realized we have finally reached a point in history where EVERYONE is a thoughtless dick.

Thanks Raisins… you sucked for all the perfectly right reasins. hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ugh.

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