Okay, so maybe he went a little overboard, but I defy you to name me one more time when the LAPD got carried away.

When you do amphetamines it can make anything seems interesting, except of course you to anyone around you.

In any romantic relationship, you need to have ground rules.

There are plenty of ways to be a man — get a nice car, bang tons of broads, berate the bagger at a grocery store…

Why do they call it low-riding if I have to be out-of-my-mind-high to give a shit?

The Canadian Joel McHale and I have a lot in common.

Look at this piece of steaming magnificence, then look me square in my cat-like pupils and tell me you actually want to cut funding for the arts.

First dates are a breeding ground for awkwardness. All the rules, the etiquette, the question-asking.

If anyone had told me this was a real, paying job while I was struggling to learn algebra, I would have dropped out and started freebasing meth immediately.

Seriously have no fucking idea what the context of this clip is and I watched the entire show.